Cheating... forgive and forget?

[chris414]

Hey guys
Well this question is more just out of interest than anything else, but i really struggle to understand how people find the strength to forgive their bf/gf (or wife / husband) if they find out that their bf/gf was cheating on them... sure, even if their bf/gf shows a lot of regret and is genuinly sorry about cheating it may be easier to forgive, but how do you forget what has happened in the past? Is forgetting the past tied up with forgiveness, or is that a seperate part of the healing process? And by "forget" all i mean is that it doesn't keep coming up in your mind to haunt you... I'm not suggesting you erase it from your mind, but rather you be at peace with it.

I truly respect all of you out there who have been cheated on and who have been able to forgive, forget and move on with your relationship Big respect for that

 

[K9_Trainer]

I actually wonder the same thing.

I had a cheater....I forgave and tried to forget. But it changed the relationship. It just wasn't the same after that happened. So I have no clue. I did totally forgive him for it, but I have no idea how one can put something like that completely behind them.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

This is exactly what happened to me.

I've been cheated on in almost -every- relationship I've been in. After it happened, forgiveness is one thing but trust is another.. the trust is absolutely just -gone-. There was no putting it behind me. It just couldn't happen. The trust wasn't "gone, but it'll be re-earned", it was obliterated and destroyed to nothingness, and that was that.

I can't "forget" someone cheating. Nor do I think I -should- forget. As my experiences have proven, trying to "put it behind me and move on" is a very risky and unprofitable move. It's best to realize that anyone who cheats does not respect you enough to be in a relationship.

To me, cheating isn't "oops I made a mistake". No one can -convince- me that cheating is "just a mistake". Cheating is the most heinous act anyone can commit against me as far as I'm concerned. No one can accidentally kiss another person, no one can accidentally slip into bed with someone, it's deliberate, and while it deserves forgiveness like any other act, it is not deserving of me forgetting that it happened. That would be down right stupid of me.

~ Lynn

Yes but would you call it cheating if the bf/gf wished it would stop and tried to telegraph it but the other person wasn't willing? That happened to me.

 

[Blank123]

i've never been cheated on so i can't speak from personal experience on this but i have seen relationships restored after one person has cheated. God can and does restore broken relationships.

it would take a lot to earn back the other's trust. it could very well take a very long time before you can feel safe in the relationship again, and your SO should be prepared for that and give you as much space as you need. but this all would just depend how committed you are to making that relationship really work or if you feel the trust has been broken too badly and there's nothing to rebuild. in a situation like what you're talking about there is no wrong choice in breaking up or staying together (unless your SO is a serial cheater then at some point you'll have to face facts she probably won't change), you need to do what you can live with and feel is right.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

I don't -fully- understand where telegraphing comes into all this, and.. to be honest I can't decipher this response at all but I'll respond anyway.

"Wishing it would stop" means it already happened, and cheating happens on purpose, never by accident, so that's all there is for me. If someone cheats, they're gone. Eventually forgiven, but permanently gone, no question about it. I am worth more than dating a cheater. Everyone is different. But I will never allow a cheater to remain in my life -ever-.

~ Lynn

No what happened is I was hanging out with one of my friends and he kissed me, and I wished he would stop and tried telling him to but he didn't.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

No what happened is I was hanging out with one of my friends and he kissed me, and I wished he would stop and tried telling him to but he didn't.

Did you willingly participate in the kissing? You know if you really cheated or not. If he basically forced himself on you by kissing you (basically raping you with kisses), then you're not cheating--he's doing something to you against your will. If he's kissing you and you're participating and allowing it (you know in your heart if you're allowing it or not), then it's cheating. There's a huge difference between the two.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

For me personally, if I had a significant other cheat on me when we were dating (physically, emotionally, or the like), I would break off the relationship cause I wouldn't be able to consider marrying someone who takes the relationship and the commitment that lightly. If we were already married and the cheating was actual adultery, I would do my best to try to stay committed to the marriage, but it would definitely be difficult, and I couldn't say for certain that I would remain married to her.

 

[LaurelLynn]

Well I've only been cheated on once, and it wasn't physical. However, I don't feel that it needs to be physical to be considered cheating. The first time I forgave, I feel that everbody makes mistakes and a person's character is derived from how they learn from their mistakes. If it were physical I probably wouldn't have done that, but trust is a big thing with me and afterwards I just couldn't forget. So long story short I forgave him, but I also chose to forget him.

 

[~Nikki~]

Sorry to butt in on you guys thread (I'm married).

If I was cheated on during a dating relationship, I would not marry the guy ever...

But if it happened now that I'm married, well, I made a vow to stick by my husband for better or worse...I would see that as part of the 'worse'...it would take a looong time to get over it, but I would stick with it.

BTW - my mil stuck by my fil - she was a Christian and he wasn't at the time - and 12 years later he became a Christian because of the way she treated him and her forgiveness towards him. He's a really strong Christian now and she has everything in her marriage that she always longed for...but it took her putting her hurt aside in order for this to happen. They've also given their testimony at a few different places recently, and it's really encouraged other people who are going through trials.

 

[seabe]

As i was going thru tha comments, i realised that we have the same thing in common and that is age. We are still in a group were many of us before coming to Christ, we were involved in many acts,including cheating and sexual immorality.

When we look at the word of God, 1 Cor 13:5-7.
The bible says that love does not keep a record of wrongs. These teaches us that no matter how your partner, or partner to be may cheat you, you have to pesevere, hope and not easily become angry. Yes you can't tolerate that practice. Let your kindness compell your partner to really change.

Patience is what you may run out of sometime, but as for me what i told you above is what i have actually done and i thank God for having been with me through that time,and for continuing to heal me and dealing with my weakness.

There is direction in our relationship and one thing that i aks God to do is to wipe away every memory, because the bible says in Hebrews 8, these means that the nature of God compelled him to forgive and completely forget any wrong thing that you and i have ever done.

As you put on the new nature of Christ, may he help you to forgive and to forget. To give others a chance, to be patient with those who are weak and to continue hoping. I believe that God wouldn't send such things your way, he knew taht you would handle them.

On the other hand, lets be faithful to our partners, lets change our ways that Christ may shine in our relationships and in our marriages. Remain blessed in Jesus name.

That's what my fiancee and i did. she is so faithful to me now, and so in love with me. I love her too and i believ that she is handling herself well. We had other problems and i am believing God for his deliverance and mercy.

 

[k450ofu3k-gh-5ipe]

As i was going thru tha comments, i realised that we have the same thing in common and that is age. We are still in a group were many of us before coming to Christ, we were involved in many acts,including cheating and sexual immorality.

When we look at the word of God, 1 Cor 13:5-7.
The bible says that love does not keep a record of wrongs. These teaches us that no matter how your partner, or partner to be may cheat you, you have to pesevere, hope and not easily become angry. Yes you can't tolerate that practice. Let your kindness compell your partner to really change.

Patience is what you may run out of sometime, but as for me what i told you above is what i have actually done and i thank God for having been with me through that time,and for continuing to heal me and dealing with my weakness.

There is direction in our relationship and one thing that i aks God to do is to wipe away every memory, because the bible says in Hebrews 8, these means that the nature of God compelled him to forgive and completely forget any wrong thing that you and i have ever done.

As you put on the new nature of Christ, may he help you to forgive and to forget. To give others a chance, to be patient with those who are weak and to continue hoping. I believe that God wouldn't send such things your way, he knew taht you would handle them.

On the other hand, lets be faithful to our partners, lets change our ways that Christ may shine in our relationships and in our marriages. Remain blessed in Jesus name.

That's what my fiancee and i did. she is so faithful to me now, and so in love with me. I love her too and i believ that she is handling herself well. We had other problems and i am believing God for his deliverance and mercy.

Pink font makes baby Jesus cry. And it makes my eyes bleed