- Feb 5, 2002
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How our young people date is problematic; and I’m not talking about the mainstream habits of a ‘hookup culture.’ I mean young people from families with traditional values, where preparing for marriage and waiting for marriage are implicit, accepted goods.
It is not surprising that we have a problem. I think we have a perfect storm in the combination of three things: a legitimate desire to emphasize and pursue marriage; the extraordinarily bad societal habits and examples regarding romance; and, the fallen inclinations of human persons. Allow me to explain.
In being around college aged young adults from good families, I’ve had occasion to notice and reflect on these things for some three decades; and I still have much thinking to do. But here are a few thoughts regarding romance and dating in the teen and young adult years. The matter of adult dating requires separate treatment.
The first ingredient in the perfect storm arises both from human nature itself and from a legitimate response to our age: we need to prioritize marriage while others are setting it aside. Parents want their children to think in terms of the great good of marriage, and well-raised young people are often ready and excited to oblige. So far so good.
Then enter the second factor. When a young person asks himself what dating looks like, he cannot but look around and take note. Now a well-formed, intentional soul immediately recognizes that he should do things differently. But here is a key moment. In short, while he resolves to do things better, he is in fact poorly positioned to do so for two reasons. First, his notion of dating (often even in the best-case scenario) is formed negatively, in reaction: i.e., I won’t do it the way others do it. Second, despite having received a good upbringing, our teens and young adults as a rule have notably less maturity and responsibility than prior generations even in recent memory. This last point is, in my judgment, often overlooked.
Continued below.
life-craft.org
It is not surprising that we have a problem. I think we have a perfect storm in the combination of three things: a legitimate desire to emphasize and pursue marriage; the extraordinarily bad societal habits and examples regarding romance; and, the fallen inclinations of human persons. Allow me to explain.
In being around college aged young adults from good families, I’ve had occasion to notice and reflect on these things for some three decades; and I still have much thinking to do. But here are a few thoughts regarding romance and dating in the teen and young adult years. The matter of adult dating requires separate treatment.
The first ingredient in the perfect storm arises both from human nature itself and from a legitimate response to our age: we need to prioritize marriage while others are setting it aside. Parents want their children to think in terms of the great good of marriage, and well-raised young people are often ready and excited to oblige. So far so good.
Then enter the second factor. When a young person asks himself what dating looks like, he cannot but look around and take note. Now a well-formed, intentional soul immediately recognizes that he should do things differently. But here is a key moment. In short, while he resolves to do things better, he is in fact poorly positioned to do so for two reasons. First, his notion of dating (often even in the best-case scenario) is formed negatively, in reaction: i.e., I won’t do it the way others do it. Second, despite having received a good upbringing, our teens and young adults as a rule have notably less maturity and responsibility than prior generations even in recent memory. This last point is, in my judgment, often overlooked.
Continued below.
Changing How Our Children Do Dating - LifeCraft
How our young people date is problematic; and I’m not talking about the mainstream habits of a ‘hookup culture.’ I mean young people from families with traditional values, where preparing for marriage and waiting for marriage are implicit, accepted goods. It is not surprising that we have a...
life-craft.org
