Hi,
Besides Matthew 7:16 pretty much tellling you all that if I am not nice always, even to the people you do not see me interface with, then apart from me literally quoting Scriptures, you are not to listen to me; It is maybe Mark 9:38-42 that I love also in understanding to me. Sure, I love John 1:1 and the content of Psalms 110:1, and yes Psalms 23, and maybe all of the Bible, but I would like to say what I was shown one day about Mark 9:38-42.
So one day when I was so excellent in The Word, I wanted to hear how the best of the best in The Word were doing. That is Protestants to me. People would notice my presence and ask me questions. I responded. Slowly I started feeling bad about this.
Then one day, I understood. He/she who knows much is not to anger those who know little. I did not understand that until I read Mark 9:38-42. I understood the feeling that God was upset with me. I just did not understand why yet.
The point there was, no one had to get God 100% right. The other point was do not look for you importance in God's eyes by any gifts you have been given by Him. Do not. Your importance in God's eyes is rather how little you are to others, rather than how much you are to others. I learned that God is actually more humble than we are normally and that is not an attribute of God that I would have ever expected to be true. I would have thought rather that we are to be humble, and God is not humble, rather He is anything but humble. But, no, He seems to be even in that attribute, more than us..... And I just forgot why I was writing this.
Oh! That's it. I just looked. It is on the question of being saved, and how God dealt with that in my case. I did not want to be saved and I did also not want to go to Hell, I just wanted to cease to exist as God seems to have said that He can do in Hell, destroying both body and soul.
I had just had a prayer to Jesus.....in it I asked Him please, I don't want to live past this life. I do not want eternal life. Actually, I felt how He Jesus felt about me saying this to Him. He was pleased. I then knew that he had known this a long time about me, and was pleased that I finally told Him about what I had never told Him before, even though He always knew when and for how long I had felt that way.
I felt wonderful after that. I felt that even if it hurt, I would get my wish. I would cease to exist one day. Before telling you more yet, in that prayer, I also asked for a few favors. One of course is if it didn't have to hurt, that would be nice, but I would understand if it did. Another favor I had asked, is if I could keep working for Him in the mean time. I said God and not specifically Jesus even though most assignments seem to come from Him. I told Him, that it is just too much fun. It was. I loved seeing how people's lives improved when God sent me in, to work with people. I loved seeing the good happen. I loved God and maybe even fell in love with Him while seeing just who He is helping. One was beyond any human belief. He is a Psychopath. She his girlfriend at the time was a hooker. I was stunned at what God had me do with them. It took years. One day my time was up. I left. They were both better off for what God had me do there.
I also asked Jesus in that prayer to give me no credit for anything I had ever don that was good. Soon I was going to be more than devastated. It is taking years for me to write this next part. I also asked for His forgiveness for all I had done that was wrong and soon knew how much it not only covered up anything I had ever done that was good, but also knew all that I ever did that was good, was not me, but really God working.
That was and is devastating. I am still devastated by that. Then of course my life was set and wonderful. If God grants my prayer, I will cease to exist one day. I will not be saved, as that means still living and being with God, rather than still living and not being with God or worse.
I lived my blissful life, knowing just how it would be until I was called to death in my body. For almost 90 days, I was content. Three days later, I had to want to live forever, and started. Now I want to. The change was: God did something to me.
And that is God, the way He interfaced with me, on the issue of life and death, after our earthly life. You call it saved or not, I think.
LOVE,
...Katie., .... .