Anyone have any encouraging stories or advice regarding blending families? I have 2 boys, 5 and 7, and my dh has 2 boys, 11 and 15 and we have a daughter together, 10 months. Not an easy situation.
Blended Family
- Thread starter hygienemom
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Busybee
As For Me And My House We Will Serve The Lord
I really wish I had the answers for you. My father (who I will always consider my father, the Lord gave him to me) isn't my actual biological father, but my brother is his son. There were some times when I was young and tried to pull the whole, "you don't love me as much as my brother" thing on him. He used reverse psychology and told me, "you don't love me as much because I'm not your real daddy". Well needless to say that showed me the hurt I caused him and I never said it again lol.
I'd say, be sure to try to do entire family things as well as you getting some one on one time with your step sons. They'll have the need to know at that age that you care for them as much as your own. I know that can be hard to coordinate, but if it's just to take them out to grab an ice cream or something together give it a shot.
With kids, actions speak louder than words.
I'd say, be sure to try to do entire family things as well as you getting some one on one time with your step sons. They'll have the need to know at that age that you care for them as much as your own. I know that can be hard to coordinate, but if it's just to take them out to grab an ice cream or something together give it a shot.
With kids, actions speak louder than words.
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Gerry_NY
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- Apr 17, 2004
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My wife and I had a daughter each when we got married. Then we had two more children, a girl and a boy. (We have been married for 6 yrs now.)
My oldest daughter bio-father isn't even in the picture except the fact that he has to pay support. My middle daughters bio-mother really isn't in the picture either. She lives in another state and likes the title "mommy." She has seen my daughter only 9 times in her 10 yrs of life. And when she visits, she spends a max of 10 mins. per visit. And every visit (when she did visit) would last 2 hours or more. But, now she is just down to sending unordered support and cards on the appropriate days.
In terms of our children getting along as a family...it is working great. They love each other as sisters. They know that they aren't blood relatives, but they do know they are sisters. They took to each other right away, when they first met!
There is no favoritism when it comes to "mine" or "hers", we punish and award equally for all the children.
I think the biggest heartbreak will be when they both want to meet their bio-parents. It will be hard, but for now, my wife and I are loving it! Neither bio in the picture, and all the love we can give the children!
I also came from a mixed family, and I have to admit, I never had those feelings that my "stepdad" (who I will only ever know as my father), loved my brother more than my sis or I. The only feelings I got were jealousy because he was the baby and got pretty much whatever he asked for and I got squat because I was the oldest.
But, I thank the Lord everyday for the life He has given me and my children...because if it weren't for Him, I would not be so lucky to have the family and life that I do...and for that I praise the Lord!!!
My oldest daughter bio-father isn't even in the picture except the fact that he has to pay support. My middle daughters bio-mother really isn't in the picture either. She lives in another state and likes the title "mommy." She has seen my daughter only 9 times in her 10 yrs of life. And when she visits, she spends a max of 10 mins. per visit. And every visit (when she did visit) would last 2 hours or more. But, now she is just down to sending unordered support and cards on the appropriate days.
In terms of our children getting along as a family...it is working great. They love each other as sisters. They know that they aren't blood relatives, but they do know they are sisters. They took to each other right away, when they first met!
There is no favoritism when it comes to "mine" or "hers", we punish and award equally for all the children.
I think the biggest heartbreak will be when they both want to meet their bio-parents. It will be hard, but for now, my wife and I are loving it! Neither bio in the picture, and all the love we can give the children!
I also came from a mixed family, and I have to admit, I never had those feelings that my "stepdad" (who I will only ever know as my father), loved my brother more than my sis or I. The only feelings I got were jealousy because he was the baby and got pretty much whatever he asked for and I got squat because I was the oldest.
But, I thank the Lord everyday for the life He has given me and my children...because if it weren't for Him, I would not be so lucky to have the family and life that I do...and for that I praise the Lord!!!
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isaiah5213
Bury Me With a Sword in my Hand
- Sep 8, 2004
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my husband and i have been taking of our blended family for 3 years now. we have 1 17 year old, 2 15 year olds, 1 14 year old,1 11 year old, 1 7 year old, 2 5 year olds. the 5 year olds are 2 days apart. the 15 year olds are 6 months apart. my 17 year old moved out & into the house w/his mom the first 3 months we were married. my hubby up till then had been a single dad of 5, and his oldest daughter and son were used to running the house when he worked 2 jobs to support the family, (then 15,13...) so when i moved in, everyone's roles changed, and it was hardest on our oldest. he didn't feel needed as much anymore. his mom's house offers huge, and i mean huge freedoms because she had an empty house most of the time. she works, then stays w/her now 9 years relationship old boyfriend...
how long have you two been married??? did you know that when you get married, and you already have children, then the average time it takes for you two to become adjusted is about 3-11 years??? for a 1st time marriage, it is 2-5.
one problem we found was that the scriptures teach us to put the spouse as 2nd, God as first. our children were hurt at this--and sometimes they still are hurt at this... they reason that they should not have to be lowered on the totem pole, because they knew their parents longer than we did, lol! so my husband works hard to give them individual time, and i work hard not to tell my hubby when his oldest children are giving me a hard time... that works really well--especially when he catches them himself, or he is around the corner and he hears it.
i understand where they are coming from, his oldest 3. if they like me, then they feel they are betraying their mom. because their mom feels threatened by me. she talks about me w/a tone. she doesn't call me by my name. she used to snarl at me (and i was okay w/that, because i always know where she stands. she is not going to be two-faced to me...) but now she is nice to me, unless she thinks i am doing too nice a job... sigh) i work from the home. she is a single mom who has to work to keep food on the table. during the school year they stay w/us, because she doesn't or can't keep up w/their school work. and their grades suffer horribly. my 3 youngest moms have no contact w/us. in fact, both moms are wanted by the federal authorities--for different reasons in addition to lack of child support payments...
my 2 from my previous marriage are supposed to be w/me more than they are, and i have been taking my ex to court about it for at least 5 years. to him i will never have changed. i will never be better. i hurt him tremendously w/my mental illness and my alcohol abuse. he will go to the grave it seems, w/embitterness to me--especially because i have not been a drunkard for over 13 years now, and i have new friends, new everything. and my ex just looks at me and thinks i am pulling wool over everyone's eyes...
so i am taking care of 6 children i didn't bear--and 3 of them are really good w/complaining and not being happy w/it 90 percent of the time, but the other 10 percent they make it all so worthwhile, by something they think is little, but i think is huge huge huge. the other 3 children had the choice to call me "big lisa" which they did for about 9 months, but they now call me mom..
do you see the hard work i had to do?? i fasted and prayed. i prayed and fasted. i prayed for all our relationships, and i prayed for and with my children everynight. i still do. they know what i pray for them about. they know i really care about them. one of my daughters it took 2 years for her to realize that when we have a bump, i will work it out w/her. i will not give up. i still love her, in spite of how hateful she will/can be. and she can be downright spiteful. my 15 year old step-daughter calls me her best friend.
she talks to me about all her life--and some of it makes me want to throw up, i hurt for her so much, and the decisions she made, and the consequences she had for doing them... but amen. they are things to pray for. and she has learned alot. if not the easy way, then the stubborn hard way! lol!
i look at my relationship w/all my children, and i see so much of me in them, in my relationship w/God. and all i can do is love them, forgive them, change me, and show them where they need to change, and grow and learn.
i could go on and on... but you know what?? any questions? concerns?? pm me, and i will point out the best scripture for your situation....
how long have you two been married??? did you know that when you get married, and you already have children, then the average time it takes for you two to become adjusted is about 3-11 years??? for a 1st time marriage, it is 2-5.
one problem we found was that the scriptures teach us to put the spouse as 2nd, God as first. our children were hurt at this--and sometimes they still are hurt at this... they reason that they should not have to be lowered on the totem pole, because they knew their parents longer than we did, lol! so my husband works hard to give them individual time, and i work hard not to tell my hubby when his oldest children are giving me a hard time... that works really well--especially when he catches them himself, or he is around the corner and he hears it.
i understand where they are coming from, his oldest 3. if they like me, then they feel they are betraying their mom. because their mom feels threatened by me. she talks about me w/a tone. she doesn't call me by my name. she used to snarl at me (and i was okay w/that, because i always know where she stands. she is not going to be two-faced to me...) but now she is nice to me, unless she thinks i am doing too nice a job... sigh) i work from the home. she is a single mom who has to work to keep food on the table. during the school year they stay w/us, because she doesn't or can't keep up w/their school work. and their grades suffer horribly. my 3 youngest moms have no contact w/us. in fact, both moms are wanted by the federal authorities--for different reasons in addition to lack of child support payments...
my 2 from my previous marriage are supposed to be w/me more than they are, and i have been taking my ex to court about it for at least 5 years. to him i will never have changed. i will never be better. i hurt him tremendously w/my mental illness and my alcohol abuse. he will go to the grave it seems, w/embitterness to me--especially because i have not been a drunkard for over 13 years now, and i have new friends, new everything. and my ex just looks at me and thinks i am pulling wool over everyone's eyes...
so i am taking care of 6 children i didn't bear--and 3 of them are really good w/complaining and not being happy w/it 90 percent of the time, but the other 10 percent they make it all so worthwhile, by something they think is little, but i think is huge huge huge. the other 3 children had the choice to call me "big lisa" which they did for about 9 months, but they now call me mom..
do you see the hard work i had to do?? i fasted and prayed. i prayed and fasted. i prayed for all our relationships, and i prayed for and with my children everynight. i still do. they know what i pray for them about. they know i really care about them. one of my daughters it took 2 years for her to realize that when we have a bump, i will work it out w/her. i will not give up. i still love her, in spite of how hateful she will/can be. and she can be downright spiteful. my 15 year old step-daughter calls me her best friend.
she talks to me about all her life--and some of it makes me want to throw up, i hurt for her so much, and the decisions she made, and the consequences she had for doing them... but amen. they are things to pray for. and she has learned alot. if not the easy way, then the stubborn hard way! lol! i look at my relationship w/all my children, and i see so much of me in them, in my relationship w/God. and all i can do is love them, forgive them, change me, and show them where they need to change, and grow and learn.
i could go on and on... but you know what?? any questions? concerns?? pm me, and i will point out the best scripture for your situation....
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My story is a long one. I am a divorced mother of 3 kids (2 boys and 1 girl). I was married to a non-christian ( a big reason for the divorce-he WOULD NOT attend church with me) and with him i had 2 boys. We parted ways very amicably and he and i are good friends now. i am with a wonderful man now who is a Christian and our walk with God has never been stronger...except in one area...we have a daughter together. She is now 10 months old. I became pregnant in the obvious way without being married
We are planning to soon become married to become one in the eyes of God. We ask for forgiveness every day and are dealing with this as best we can.
This isn't the role model i want to be for my kids but I ask forgiveness and mercy and we are trying to rectify the situation soon.
Our blended family is tricky... my boys have adjusted very well. They respect David and treat him well. It is a big adjustment for him to have young kids around again. He gets frustrated with them taking alot of my attention away from him. That's motherhood for you!
We are managing well. All i know is i've never been happier...we get along so well...my soulmate for sure.
We are planning to soon become married to become one in the eyes of God. We ask for forgiveness every day and are dealing with this as best we can.
This isn't the role model i want to be for my kids but I ask forgiveness and mercy and we are trying to rectify the situation soon.
Our blended family is tricky... my boys have adjusted very well. They respect David and treat him well. It is a big adjustment for him to have young kids around again. He gets frustrated with them taking alot of my attention away from him. That's motherhood for you!
We are managing well. All i know is i've never been happier...we get along so well...my soulmate for sure.
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