ok, brace yourselves, there is going to be a lot of text in this thread.
So I'm a 24-year-old girl currently living and studying in Germany. I was born in a church-going family, went to a christian school and was raised according to christian (protestant) values. However, about almost 2 years ago I found out that I'm not a believer yet. So now I'm faced with the question of whether I want to be a believer, be a true christian, accept Jesus, or not. And I have a lot of questions. Some of them I can ask my friends in church who are pretty mature already in their faith or our pastor's wife, but some of them are too embarassing for me to ask them. So I'm hoping that here - with the anonymity of the internet, since it's not likely that I'll meet any of you in real life - I can get the answers of those questions that I dare not ask my church friends. I'm really sorry if this makes someone feel uncomfortable. I really need some answers.
First of all, I guess I have to introduce myself.
Knowledge-wise, I think I know a lot already when it comes to Christianity and what the Bible says about stuff. I've been attending Sunday schools ever since I can remember, joined in church ministry, talked about Jesus, prayed for other people, shared, gave people advices, be a part opf bible study groups, basically all things Christian. All this without knowing why or what makes someone a Christian. When I arrived in Germany, I found out through a Bible Study that there are two types of sins: the original sin from Adam and Eve, and the sin that we make daily. And in order to be a Christian, we should bring ALL our sins to God and ask for his forgiveness and invite him to live in us in our hearts as a savior and God (which makes us His slave). Because our little church in Germany allowed only true Christians to participate in ministry and because my parents wanted me to keep on doing ministry, I decided to do THE PRAYER and do all of the above (ask God for forgiveness, and so on...). But after about 2 years I couldn't fool my Chirstian sisters in church. It is said that someone's life and character would change gradually once one accepts Jesus, but it was apparent to them that mine didn't. I knew it as well, but I decided to ignore it and chose the comfort zone. But when a Bible Study group member mentioned it and asked me about it, I couldn't deny it anymore. So I started asking myself whether my faith was true or false. Eventually I came to a conclusion that I didn't say THE PRAYER for the right reasons and without really thinking about it. So I'm still not saved.
Now that I'm faced with the question of whether or not I want to accept Jesus and be His follower, I have the opportunity to really think about it, because I don't want to make the wrong desicion again. So despite all that I've learned about the Bible, I have some questions or thoughts. (Sometimes I think that maybe it would be better if I could just erase everything I knew about Christianity and basically start over like a blank piece of paper.)
So here it goes:
1. One of the things that makes me reluctant to just say "Yes" to accepting Jesus in my life is the fact that a Christian's life is full of struggles. I've been watching and hearing stories from our Bible study group members (who are all believers, I'm the only non-believer) how hard it is for them to fight against themselves and their will and do what God wants them to do. And when I thought I'd believed, I had fought against my own self as well, and tried to do God's will. And man, it was exhausting. So I'm reluctant to go through that again. As a non-believer, I can do pretty much whatever I want, as long as the community accepts it. I can yell at someone if I'm mad, for example, without thinking about sins or losing the salvation.
2. A church friend once said that our lives is like a 4-foot rope. she colored one inch from one end of the rope with black and said that our lives in this earth is just this black part of the rope. The rest is eternity. She then asked the question "which would be better, struggle in the short end of the rope, but have eternal life for the rest of it; or have fun and live as we like in the short end of life but be burned in hell for the rest of it?" At that point I thought, But what if the rest of the rope (eternity) doesn't exist? What if life is just this, what we now have on earth? I mean, it's not like someone's crossed to eternity and came back and said "yeap, it exists, people!" I considered the logical thing would be for me to accept God anyway and struggle for the short life on earth, and if eternity doesn't exist, well it won't hurt and if it does, I'm on the safe side. But that would be a desicion made from my rationality, from my brain, not my heart. I don't think that would be right and I don't think that I would be a good Christian if I'd made the desicion based on what my brain says.
3. Coming from a "Christian" family and a country where free premarital sex is pretty much still a taboo, and for thinking I've been a believer all this time, I'm still a virgin at age 24. I've never had a bf, because I just don't fall for someone that easily, and well, I thought I was a Christian, so I was picky and didn't let myself fall for a non-believer. So I think I want to have a little "fun" first and enjoy the wildness of my age, you know, before deciding to accept Jesus and have to live in celibacy. This is actually the topic that I was reluctant to talk to my church sisters about, because even though they might understand it, it's just embarassing, especially we all come from the same culture and I don't know what they would think about me if I tell them this. maybe they'll judge, maybe they won't. but I'm not taking a chance. So I'm asking you guys now, because I see that a lot of people here come from cultures where premarital sex is completely ok and telking about sex is not awkward or taboo. Has anyone ever had the same thought before they decide to become a Christian?
4. Those 3 points are the things that made me reluctant to say "yes" to accepting Jesus. On the other hand, I also want to say "yes". Reason is: God's been really good to me, especially lately. When I had no money and had no idea how I was going to make rent for next month, God provided me with a job - just in time, not too soon, not too late. Second, he didn't let me stray too far from the church life. Apparently I'm not the first person in our church who made the same mistake of thinking they are a Christian already when they actually aren't. And most of these people end up leaving the church and spending their wekends doing God-knows-what. So if I still go to church every weekend, and am still trying to find answers, it's only because God is still giving me a chance. I mean, he could just let me get hit by a car and said, "That's it. your time's up." So I'm really thankful.
5. My friends from our Bible Study group often share their experiences with God, how he helped them, how amazing it feels when they first accepted Jesus in their lives, how amazing it is to have a close and personal relationship with God. I want to experience the same thing too. But the 3 points above have been keeping me from making the decision.
So that's all my points for now, I guess. Boy, that's long *rubs neck*
I've been back and forth between wanting to and not wanting to be a Christian and live according to the Bible. I thank anyone in advance for replying and answering some questions, or sharing their thoughts and helping me to make a decision.
So I'm a 24-year-old girl currently living and studying in Germany. I was born in a church-going family, went to a christian school and was raised according to christian (protestant) values. However, about almost 2 years ago I found out that I'm not a believer yet. So now I'm faced with the question of whether I want to be a believer, be a true christian, accept Jesus, or not. And I have a lot of questions. Some of them I can ask my friends in church who are pretty mature already in their faith or our pastor's wife, but some of them are too embarassing for me to ask them. So I'm hoping that here - with the anonymity of the internet, since it's not likely that I'll meet any of you in real life - I can get the answers of those questions that I dare not ask my church friends. I'm really sorry if this makes someone feel uncomfortable. I really need some answers.
First of all, I guess I have to introduce myself.
Knowledge-wise, I think I know a lot already when it comes to Christianity and what the Bible says about stuff. I've been attending Sunday schools ever since I can remember, joined in church ministry, talked about Jesus, prayed for other people, shared, gave people advices, be a part opf bible study groups, basically all things Christian. All this without knowing why or what makes someone a Christian. When I arrived in Germany, I found out through a Bible Study that there are two types of sins: the original sin from Adam and Eve, and the sin that we make daily. And in order to be a Christian, we should bring ALL our sins to God and ask for his forgiveness and invite him to live in us in our hearts as a savior and God (which makes us His slave). Because our little church in Germany allowed only true Christians to participate in ministry and because my parents wanted me to keep on doing ministry, I decided to do THE PRAYER and do all of the above (ask God for forgiveness, and so on...). But after about 2 years I couldn't fool my Chirstian sisters in church. It is said that someone's life and character would change gradually once one accepts Jesus, but it was apparent to them that mine didn't. I knew it as well, but I decided to ignore it and chose the comfort zone. But when a Bible Study group member mentioned it and asked me about it, I couldn't deny it anymore. So I started asking myself whether my faith was true or false. Eventually I came to a conclusion that I didn't say THE PRAYER for the right reasons and without really thinking about it. So I'm still not saved.
Now that I'm faced with the question of whether or not I want to accept Jesus and be His follower, I have the opportunity to really think about it, because I don't want to make the wrong desicion again. So despite all that I've learned about the Bible, I have some questions or thoughts. (Sometimes I think that maybe it would be better if I could just erase everything I knew about Christianity and basically start over like a blank piece of paper.)
So here it goes:
1. One of the things that makes me reluctant to just say "Yes" to accepting Jesus in my life is the fact that a Christian's life is full of struggles. I've been watching and hearing stories from our Bible study group members (who are all believers, I'm the only non-believer) how hard it is for them to fight against themselves and their will and do what God wants them to do. And when I thought I'd believed, I had fought against my own self as well, and tried to do God's will. And man, it was exhausting. So I'm reluctant to go through that again. As a non-believer, I can do pretty much whatever I want, as long as the community accepts it. I can yell at someone if I'm mad, for example, without thinking about sins or losing the salvation.
2. A church friend once said that our lives is like a 4-foot rope. she colored one inch from one end of the rope with black and said that our lives in this earth is just this black part of the rope. The rest is eternity. She then asked the question "which would be better, struggle in the short end of the rope, but have eternal life for the rest of it; or have fun and live as we like in the short end of life but be burned in hell for the rest of it?" At that point I thought, But what if the rest of the rope (eternity) doesn't exist? What if life is just this, what we now have on earth? I mean, it's not like someone's crossed to eternity and came back and said "yeap, it exists, people!" I considered the logical thing would be for me to accept God anyway and struggle for the short life on earth, and if eternity doesn't exist, well it won't hurt and if it does, I'm on the safe side. But that would be a desicion made from my rationality, from my brain, not my heart. I don't think that would be right and I don't think that I would be a good Christian if I'd made the desicion based on what my brain says.
3. Coming from a "Christian" family and a country where free premarital sex is pretty much still a taboo, and for thinking I've been a believer all this time, I'm still a virgin at age 24. I've never had a bf, because I just don't fall for someone that easily, and well, I thought I was a Christian, so I was picky and didn't let myself fall for a non-believer. So I think I want to have a little "fun" first and enjoy the wildness of my age, you know, before deciding to accept Jesus and have to live in celibacy. This is actually the topic that I was reluctant to talk to my church sisters about, because even though they might understand it, it's just embarassing, especially we all come from the same culture and I don't know what they would think about me if I tell them this. maybe they'll judge, maybe they won't. but I'm not taking a chance. So I'm asking you guys now, because I see that a lot of people here come from cultures where premarital sex is completely ok and telking about sex is not awkward or taboo. Has anyone ever had the same thought before they decide to become a Christian?
4. Those 3 points are the things that made me reluctant to say "yes" to accepting Jesus. On the other hand, I also want to say "yes". Reason is: God's been really good to me, especially lately. When I had no money and had no idea how I was going to make rent for next month, God provided me with a job - just in time, not too soon, not too late. Second, he didn't let me stray too far from the church life. Apparently I'm not the first person in our church who made the same mistake of thinking they are a Christian already when they actually aren't. And most of these people end up leaving the church and spending their wekends doing God-knows-what. So if I still go to church every weekend, and am still trying to find answers, it's only because God is still giving me a chance. I mean, he could just let me get hit by a car and said, "That's it. your time's up." So I'm really thankful.
5. My friends from our Bible Study group often share their experiences with God, how he helped them, how amazing it feels when they first accepted Jesus in their lives, how amazing it is to have a close and personal relationship with God. I want to experience the same thing too. But the 3 points above have been keeping me from making the decision.
So that's all my points for now, I guess. Boy, that's long *rubs neck*
I've been back and forth between wanting to and not wanting to be a Christian and live according to the Bible. I thank anyone in advance for replying and answering some questions, or sharing their thoughts and helping me to make a decision.
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