Aspergers and Puberty

[focusedontheneedle]

I have a few questions for those of you that either have Aspergers and have made it through the teenage years or parents of teenagers with Aspergers.

My son is a teenager with Aspergers we just found out. Wish we knew what we know now when he was younger. On the scale he is probably somewhere between PDD and Aspergers if there is that place.

He has been fully functioning up until his teenage years. Pretty much once he started growing teenage hair to be exact. He has gone from straight A's and perfect scores on state tests to barely passing school because he is "bored" and distracted.

What have you guys done to help with this puberty thing and aspergers? Any tricks for him to learn to focus/care? This is new so we haven't told him what the diagnosis is (actually haven't actually got it in writing). How do we have an initial discussion with him about it without him feeling labeled?

He is very depressed right now and is currently in the hospital for it. We are grateful for having a good mental hospital near by. Any words of advice are greatly appreciated. Im concerned he is going to go all stubborn and dig in if he doesn't come up with a solution himself. Any tips on that?

 

[Bingo Q Flamingo]

That sounds not a whole lot like myself when I was that age. Where is he at, school-wise? Elementary school was kind of like a safety net for me, and once I left everything started changing. I became distant and alienated from the friends I grew up with, I became less interested and involved with school work and - possibly as a result - my depression worsened all throughout high school.

Middle/high school is an entirely different environment from the structure of elementary school, and that can be a somewhat traumatic shift for someone on the spectrum. Keeping in mind that I had no counseling as I wasn't diagnosed until senior year, it took a long while before I became acclimated to high school. People on the spectrum really kind of need to work at their own pace...I was "bored" with school because I was told that I was years ahead of my regular classmates. I did very poorly all throughout the school year but always excelled 100% in summer school, and I kept up better in special education classes which were tailored more towards my needs and abilities. And eventually I started making new friends which helped with the depression.

I would definitely speak with teachers and counselors about making a lesson plan which works for your son, and do the same to introduce him to his diagnosis. He'll need a hand walking through a lot of this and most of all, he'll need the care and support from people he loves and trusts. This just seems like a temporary period of adjustment.

 

[dayhiker]

I would look to the hospital to put you in contact with some resources in your area, they can probably offer you some help and be there for you.

I wasn't diagnosed till I was 50ish. But what helped me was there were things I was interested in. So I was very interested in those things. So I think it is good to work with those things he is interested in. Some can get so focused on one thing that no one wants to be around us that long. Somehow I have always added new areas of focus. So by my age I have quite a broad array of topics I've spend time with.

I think for us AS one of the best areas to be interested in is people. I recommend for the 1st few years to be more of an observer .. a people watcher. We can learn a lot by just watching people. So I got to were people are and just watch them. I don't have to talk or engage them in any way. I watch who is with whom. What might I think their relationship is by how they interact with people? That type of thing.

 

[focusedontheneedle]

Thank you for the replies. great advise with asking for specific help from the hospital. Bingo, thanks for a little hope

 

[BlueLioness]

I have a few questions for those of you that either have Aspergers and have made it through the teenage years or parents of teenagers with Aspergers.

My son is a teenager with Aspergers we just found out. Wish we knew what we know now when he was younger. On the scale he is probably somewhere between PDD and Aspergers if there is that place.

He has been fully functioning up until his teenage years. Pretty much once he started growing teenage hair to be exact. He has gone from straight A's and perfect scores on state tests to barely passing school because he is "bored" and distracted.

What have you guys done to help with this puberty thing and aspergers? Any tricks for him to learn to focus/care? This is new so we haven't told him what the diagnosis is (actually haven't actually got it in writing). How do we have an initial discussion with him about it without him feeling labeled?

He is very depressed right now and is currently in the hospital for it. We are grateful for having a good mental hospital near by. Any words of advice are greatly appreciated. Im concerned he is going to go all stubborn and dig in if he doesn't come up with a solution himself. Any tips on that?

I was diagnosed with depression years ago but do you know how I overcame it? By changing what I thought and what I did in life. I gradually trained myself to think positive thoughts. The pills that the doctor gave me did nothing to help my depression, it was like going to the doctor was a big waste of time.

With practice your son can teach himself how to think positively too, it will chase away the negative thoughts and feelings that depression brings. He might also want to take up a hobby or a pastime he really enjoys. This is what I did, did me wonders.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Just the fact that you recognize that your son needs help getting through adolescence is great! If you're lucky, he might not even have to change schools or anything and can have legit friends! (That wasn't sarcasm, that stuff is tough for us). And my parents did NOTHING to help. It wasn't that they didn't care, I just kept my school life hidden from them, and they sort of didn't know that there was any way they could help. I had been diagnosed, and they read tons of books, but...they just couldn't do much to help

My high school years were tough, too, and it was compounded by media stereotypes that teens are supposed to do drugs, get laid, go on tons of dates (and have sex with EVERY one of them), have "sexy" bodies, and be rebellious and risk-taking.

I...was none of those things. Schoolwork was something that I dedicated myself to, and because I went to this fancy private school I had a lot of it. I made great grades, but I struggled with making friends. I had some acquaintances, and they considered me a friend, but looking back I sometimes wonder how they tolerated me. They all seemed to make even BETTER grades than I did, AND had social lives to boot. I was jealous, and I became this cynical jerk as a result. It's still something that I'm trying to recover from.

But your son is handling it differently, evidently. Here is what you need to do:

1. Work through why he is depressed. Let him open up to you about his feelings, and try and find some common ground with him. Have YOU ever felt lonely, depressed, isolated, alienated, confused, anxious, etc.? You don't have to have Asperger's to feel these things, but sometimes to us on the spectrum it seems like we're the only ones in the world who are suffering. Let him know that other people suffer, too, and that watching him suffer makes you feel awful as well. Help him to identify his emotions and how his body communicates him. Give a name to his particular reasons for depression, like "hopelessness" or something. It really helps to identify the problem because then you can think of a solution.

2. Teach him social skills to help him make friends to the best of his ability. I have to inform you that it's impossible to "cure" a person of AS through this method. It's also important not to force him to act in ways that are unnatural to him, like making him be more expressive or something. Just teach him some basic social rules that he can remember to help himself make friends, get organized, and see people as people and not just dull, lifeless, one-dimensional things. That's how we see people sometimes because they don't often open themselves up to us and because we don't understand how they feel things or how their minds work. Let him know that not only is HE a human being, but that other people are human beings, too, and he might just be the friend that they need. He doesn't have to become perfect or extroverted or adopt a disguise, but he needs to be able to understand a few basic things so that people will value him more, and he can connect with them better. I know that other people say you "just shouldn't try" to teach him stuff like that, but I think it will help to alleviate his depression and let him make friends.

3. Get him out of that hospital as soon as you can.

 

[MDCSWildcats86]

Saved at 17, restored more times than I care to admit.

Diagnosed with Asperger at age 39, fall 2007.

 

[kymphony]

Puberty was absolute torture for my Aspie son. I gave him lots of love! The school brought in an occupational therapist who gave him some ideas on how to retreat to his cave and utilize techniques for calming. I did end up going to the school often however, and would take him home where he would be exhausted from the strain.

Prayers going up for your son during this difficult time!