Are you single because of your Faith?

[memoriesbymichelle]

Obviously people are responsible for how they handle their marriage; there's no doubt after that. However, they must be doing something right for God to give them someone. The only question is whether they're smart enough to care for a gift once it's given to them.

I just can't imagine God looking at someone's life when it's messed up and sinful and saying "You know, I think it's time they had a spouse." All the Christians I know who are married are kind, successful, and well-off financially. I can't help but feel that there's correlation between those traits and marriage.

Actually I know quite a few people that I didn't think deserved a spouse that got one without hardly even trying. It's not a "prize" that you get someone to share your life with. And the blessings we DO receive we don't deserve. I'm glad you know alot of kind, successful, well off Christians, but that is NOT the norm and your thoughts on it are not the norm either. It doesn't have anything to do with God's favor, whether we have a spouse or not. May have to do with His plan for our life, but not about deserving or not deserving, that's just crazy talk. Sorry I'm not trying to offend in any way, just try looking at it from a different perspective?

 

[Thunder Peel]

Actually I know quite a few people that I didn't think deserved a spouse that got one without hardly even trying. It's not a "prize" that you get someone to share your life with. And the blessings we DO receive we don't deserve. I'm glad you know alot of kind, successful, well off Christians, but that is NOT the norm and your thoughts on it are not the norm either. It doesn't have anything to do with God's favor, whether we have a spouse or not. May have to do with His plan for our life, but not about deserving or not deserving, that's just crazy talk. Sorry I'm not trying to offend in any way, just try looking at it from a different perspective?

I get what you're saying. I guess where I'm headed with this is that everything is so perfect and easy for everyone I know. They simply ask for something or desire someone and it's done in a flash. It's always made me wonder where this backdoor to God is and how everyone seems to have found the entrance except for me. How much do I have to give? What do I have to pray? Who do I have to be? I've tried it all and the door is still closed, which makes me think I'm just missing something or not doing something right.

I'm not even talking about just relationships but life in general as well. Hopefully that makes some kind of sense!

 

[Im_A]

Well, maybe things aren't working out for you so well, but for me, it is different. We're different people. I have had many great opportunities that I was forced to turn up simply because of my faith.

Things are going well. Right now the girl and I are dealing with some conflict but we are working it out. The end is yet to come about but right now we are doing what 2 people that started to get to know each other and in an odd place of either being involved or still in the process and the issues we are dealing with are just learning how to deal with how we live which we are different in some ways. It can be frustrating but heck, I have had way worse so its not like, "things aren't working" as you would for some unknown reason guess.

You being an atheist would only matter if you are militant and forceful about it, the way many Christians and other religious folk are about it. If you are accepting of others' beliefs then it should not be a problem, unless they are hardcore Christians, in which case, you probably would not be a very good match with someone so diametrically opposed to your views anyway. I think you're overestimating the number of Bible-believing Christians out there. Or, maybe, you live in an area where there are a large proportion of them (live in the South)?

Now...I live in God's country...PA.

For me, it is a matter mostly of "religious convictions" that hold me back. Others in this topic also say the same thing. Let's face it, as Christians we have a much smaller dating pool. Why?

1. We cannot date or get serious or marry a non-believer. That's pretty much a no-no.

2. We have a much smaller pool of potential partners to choose from. Let's be real here, how many serious, God-loving or fearing, whichever you prefer, Christians who are dedicated to their faith, single, attractive and desirable do you know? For many Christians, their churches are filled with married people, older members and very few young, eligible singles.

3. We cannot compromise in matters of sex or morality. How many non-Christians want to pursue a path of purity until marriage...? I hear crickets chirping.

4. We do not live the party lifestyle. Sure, there are some non-Christians who also do not, but many, many people who are not Christians live for the weekend, when they can go out, get sloshed, pray to porcelain god and hop into bed with someone new and exciting! I know many people who fit this model to a tee.

5. We cannot compromise on our values either. We want to raise up godly kids to love God and make the next generation better for Christians, not worse. This usually includes desiring marriage, kids, standing against moral issues that most secular people endorse and so on. How can two walk together unless they be in agreement? Amos 3:3.

6. We as Christians have different priorities in life, knowing that heaven is eternal and life is but a vapour. We want to follow God, witness to others, and not focus on menial, temporary things like money, status, cars, boats, keeping up with the Jones' and keeping a focus on the Lord and heaven. Again, most non-Christians will not see eye to eye on this either.

So you can see in matters of morality, faith, values, finances, love for God and the like that having someone of similar beliefs is essential for a Christian. And the lack of suitable Christians out there who are single and eligible makes it quite tough for the rest of us believers, so it is a sacrifice for us to live this life at times.

I know for me, I am not single because of anything outwardly. It's got nothing to do with my looks, attitude, behaviour or style. It is because I hold such foreign values and beliefs to society and the world that I have been forced to deny myself the pleasure of getting to know better many single, attractive, interesting people. But for a Christian, this really isn't much of an option I'm afraid.

I get what you're saying, have faith and all that. But that is easier to say than do. Sometimes it is a sacrifice to serve and follow God, especially in this day and age. I don't think too many Christians would disagree with me on that.

You can explain it all day long if you must. I was a Christian for 13 years. I remember every little point you bring up. If your faith is so important to you as you are coming across, then your desires are not set on what is good for you by believing that a great relationship is in stored for you as long you were opposite of what you are now.

If this is such a problem for you then why do you still want to believe? You come across as dreading the choices you make and that is a bit weird...to dread the choices you make for why are you making choices you dread?

 

[HighwayMan]

I get what you're saying. I guess where I'm headed with this is that everything is so perfect and easy for everyone I know. They simply ask for something or desire someone and it's done in a flash. It's always made me wonder where this backdoor to God is and how everyone seems to have found the entrance except for me. How much do I have to give? What do I have to pray? Who do I have to be? I've tried it all and the door is still closed, which makes me think I'm just missing something or not doing something right.

I'm not even talking about just relationships but life in general as well. Hopefully that makes some kind of sense!

It makes perfect sense, but there is no answer. Some people find relationships and live lives that truly seem blessed. Others, regardless of whether they are good people or not, strongly religious or not, just wonder in the dark chasing after false starts and hopes until the day they die.

I don't think there's any system to be figured out, or even if there's a reason for it at all in the end. Hopefully there is. But I don't know.

 

[Thunder Peel]

It makes perfect sense, but there is no answer. Some people find relationships and live lives that truly seem blessed. Others, regardless of whether they are good people or not, strongly religious or not, just wonder in the dark chasing after false starts and hopes until the day they die.

I don't think there's any system to be figured out, or even if there's a reason for it at all in the end. Hopefully there is. But I don't know.

That's what I've always wondered. I hate to think my life's destiny is just gliding by in mediocrity but it seems to be that way. Oh well. We can't all be winners.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I get what you're saying. I guess where I'm headed with this is that everything is so perfect and easy for everyone I know. They simply ask for something or desire someone and it's done in a flash. It's always made me wonder where this backdoor to God is and how everyone seems to have found the entrance except for me. How much do I have to give? What do I have to pray? Who do I have to be? I've tried it all and the door is still closed, which makes me think I'm just missing something or not doing something right.

I'm not even talking about just relationships but life in general as well. Hopefully that makes some kind of sense!

There is no "back door" to God's blessings and I have learned (from being kind of in a similar position as you seem to be) that it's your heart motive that matters and "people" cannot satisfy your desires. I'm not in a relationship yet, and I don't really know what that means or why, but the point is, that I quit focusing on what I don't have and started focusing on what God wants me to learn (about Him) and what my purpose in this life might be. And in doing that, at the moment I don't care if I ever find someone, (although it would be really nice and cool if I did) because I care more about serving the God who chose me while I was still a sinner (I still am too can't never get away from that until eternity). It IS irritating when it seems like people around us don't even have to try and they just get whatever they want handed to them. But you must remember that we are all on our own journies in life and you don't know what's on their hearts and what they may be facing in the future so it's not really wise to compare our lives with others' or focus on what we don't have. Everything in life has an appointed time with God but it's HIS time, not ours and it's not ours to figure out the whys either. There is a lesson God wants you to learn in this (and I don't know what that might be) but keep the faith and live for Him and in due time it will be revealed to you.

 

[lovinggod1111]

Sullivan I'm sure you could have many relationships.... but I doubt that they would be what you really want. Marriage is a biblical union.... The divorce rates show what happens when people that are not Christians marry. Marriage is very, very hard and takes a lot of works and prayers. The Bible is the best book ever in regards to marital and relationship advice. If more husbands and wives heeded it, this country would see a change in divorce.

Maybe you are looking in the wrong places. Out of the churches I have attended in the past with singles events, it seems the women outnumber the men at least 2 to 1. Maybe you should try some churches in your area that offer singles classes, etc.

Hope this helps!