are online relationships real relationships

[lambkisses]

I have been casually following that case where that girl went on trial for encouraging her boyfriend to kill himself. Yes. I definitely think what she did was unChrist like and evil and I definitely think she has some rekoning to do before the white throne but one thing that really struck me was the nature of their relationship.
I was super shocked when I found out that their relationship was almost exclusively online and that they have only met in real life twice. What I found perplexing was that their relationship was described as very deep and it definitely had to have some substance if she had such a profound influence on him that she read able to encourage him to end his life. That is just so weird to me. I cannot fathom sharing such an emotional connection with some one whom one knows largely through online interaction.
I'll admit, I first got Internet when I read in my late teens and I did my fair share of chatting online. And yes I "met" people in chat rooms and I even had a boy or two I would call my "boyfriend". However, I never by any stretch of the imagination, even back then, thought they were real committed relationships. For me it was like a make believe game which we played with each other. And also yes, before I got married and when I was still dating I did date a couple guys off the Internet (match.com, eharmony, and Christian singles ) but the thing was although I met them online or relationships were all off line. We went in dates, has physical contact, etc. I just can't fathom being in an exclusively online relationship, is such a thing even possible? Are they as valid as real world relationships?

 

[DZoolander]

Meh, people feel like they are, and I suppose that's the important thing when figuring out someone's state of mind. I think that a good amount of face time is required though before you can really call yourself an item.

 

[JRichard68]

No. Real relationships happen in the real world of real people interacting in real life. While I "met" my wife through an online forum (RCS - are we talking about the same "Christian Singles", btw???), we met in real life before anything went forward. Admittedly, I pursued her (not stalking, just as a potential interest) online, but nothing was committed to until we met.

 

[lambkisses]

No. Real relationships happen in the real world of real people interacting in real life. While I "met" my wife through an online forum (RCS - are we talking about the same "Christian Singles", btw???), we met in real life before anything went forward. Admittedly, I pursued her (not stalking, just as a potential interest) online, but nothing was committed to until we met.

So you agree right, the situation with that girl and that kid who killed himself is insane right?

 

[Bumble Bee]

I believe that online relationships are real relationship in that they contain a heart attachment. However, they are missing that very important piece that can only come through face to face contact. When my husband and I were long distance for a while, we missed out on learning each other's cues via body language and, when we weren't speaking on the phone, tone of voice. We didn't have to learn how to work through problems together until we were in the same location because it was too easy to just hang up the phone or log off the computer when we didn't feel like talking. Online relationships are real, but they are unhealthy.

 

[snoochface]

They were teenagers. A real, adult, mature relationship with a future can't go very far as online exclusive. But they were teenagers, and it was just as real and valid to them as any other relationship would be.

 

[Bumble Bee]

That's true. But I still think that it is important to teach even our teens that relationships are deeper than just the online conversations. We need to prepare them for healthy relationships in adulthood if they are going to be able to sustain an off-line one long term.

 

[JRichard68]

They were teenagers. A real, adult, mature relationship with a future can't go very far as online exclusive. But they were teenagers, and it was just as real and valid to them as any other relationship would be.

When reality and validity reach the point of encouraging suicide, I think questioning the mindset of their reality might be in order. We can't forget context here.

 

[“Paisios”]

I have been casually following that case where that girl went on trial for encouraging her boyfriend to kill himself. Yes. I definitely think what she did was unChrist like and evil and I definitely think she has some rekoning to do before the white throne but one thing that really struck me was the nature of their relationship.
I was super shocked when I found out that their relationship was almost exclusively online and that they have only met in real life twice. What I found perplexing was that their relationship was described as very deep and it definitely had to have some substance if she had such a profound influence on him that she read able to encourage him to end his life. That is just so weird to me. I cannot fathom sharing such an emotional connection with some one whom one knows largely through online interaction.
I'll admit, I first got Internet when I read in my late teens and I did my fair share of chatting online. And yes I "met" people in chat rooms and I even had a boy or two I would call my "boyfriend". However, I never by any stretch of the imagination, even back then, thought they were real committed relationships. For me it was like a make believe game which we played with each other. And also yes, before I got married and when I was still dating I did date a couple guys off the Internet (match.com, eharmony, and Christian singles ) but the thing was although I met them online or relationships were all off line. We went in dates, has physical contact, etc. I just can't fathom being in an exclusively online relationship, is such a thing even possible? Are they as valid as real world relationships?

I cannot speak for a romantic online relationship, as I met my wife in the world of flesh and blood, and have not had any other romances since.

However, there have been at least two online friendships I have had that have been at least as close as those in the "real" world, if measured by emotional commitment, willingness to share (each way) personal thoughts feelings and news, and a sense of camaraderie and mutual support. In each case, I have not yet met these friends in the physical world, though I would like to at some point.

I'm old enough to remember the days of pen and ink pen pals, and know that some close relationships have been formed in that manner too (e.g. Look at the movie 84 Charing Cross Road based on a true story).

But I agree that the case you mentioned was bizarre, though the fact that it was primarily online was only one part of its dysfunctionality.

 

[lambkisses]

When reality and validity reach the point of encouraging suicide, I think questioning the mindset of their reality might be in order. We can't forget context here.

To me it just seems weird that an online relationship could be that serious that some one would kill themselves at the behest of the other.

 

[Dave-W]

To me it just seems weird that an online relationship could be that serious that some one would kill themselves at the behest of the other.

Me too. But it happened; and she is being held legally responsible for it.

 

[lambkisses]

I'm old enough to remember the days of pen and ink pen pals, and know that some close relationships have been formed in that manner too (e.g. Look at the movie 84 Charing Cross Road based on a true story).

I am old enough to knew pen pals once existed but I thought a pen pal was some one you knew in the real world but circumstances made you move away from each other and as such you wrote one an other to stay in contact. Is that correct?

 

[lambkisses]

Me too. But it happened; and she is being held legally responsible for it.

Should she be though? To me I feel that she will ultimately be held responsible on the day of reckoning but should she be held responsible in the secular world? I am torn in that.

 

[Dave-W]

I am old enough to knew pen pals once existed but I thought a pen pal was some one you knew in the real world but circumstances made you move away from each other and as such you wrote one an other to stay in contact. Is that correct?

Not really. Pen pals were often people from another country whom you would never meet in real life. I remember in grade school there was a drive to get pen pals from prisoners doing life sentences.

 

[Dave-W]

Should she be though? To me I feel that she will ultimately be held responsible on the day of reckoning but should she be held responsible in the secular world? I am torn in that.

The secular world has no clue about "the day of reckoning." The bible is full of real-world consequences of our actions; so I would say YES. We should be held accountable.

 

[lambkisses]

Not really. Pen pals were often people from another country whom you would never meet in real life. I remember in grade school there was a drive to get pen pals from prisoners doing life sentences.

Ah, you learn something new everyday. So if that is tge case how do you find these people in other countries to write to ? I guess I am young enough not to have experienced that yet old enough to remember a world without Skype, Facebook, or even instant messaging. I remember being theathered to a wall if I wanted to talk to some one who wasn't right next to me but I don't think I have ever written an actual letter, put it in the post and waited the 6 to 8 weeks for a reply.

 

[Edo2]

The depth of any relationship depends on how much of your heart and life you want to share. The way technology is today an online relationship can be a big part of persons life so to that person its as real to them as somebody they interact with in the physical aspect.

The sin that can happen through online makes it very real as well. I dunno if she should be charged but to that kid their relationship was maybe the most real one he had.

 

[lambkisses]

The depth of any relationship depends on how much of your heart and life you want to share. The way technology is today an online relationship can be a big part of persons life so to that person its as real to them as somebody they interact with in the physical aspect.

The sin that can happen through online makes it very real as well. I dunno if she should be charged but to that kid their relationship was maybe the most real one he had.

So would it be possible one day where we never leave our houses and interact with each other completely through the Internet. Where we may one day never have real world contact with another human ever again?

 

[Struggling3]

You can certainly develop a deep emotional bond with someone through conversation online. However, without the physical component of actually being together...the "relationship" can only go so far. Much of it is in fact fantasy and I think it's easy for many people to confuse fantasy vs. reality in these cases.

 

[lambkisses]

This brings up an interesting thought. I use to love to play Eve online. It is a space where you could work at a corporation, be a pirate, or pretty much anything. The Gane mechanics allowed theft, murder, stock trading, etc. You could spend real money to buy things like tools and space ships and such. However, other players can destroy and it steal your stuff. Is it a real stretch for real world authorities to try and prosecute gamers for the thefts they commit in game? I know that is a far fetched sounding scenario but are we one step closer to a scenario like that with the guilty verdict of that girl?
I personally stopped paying eve online because of how my husband mocked and teased me relentlessly.