Anyone Unequally Yoked and Happy???

[Angeldove97]

The thread clean up has been completed and this thread will now be re-opened. If you see that your post is missing, please note that it has been removed during the thread clean up.

A reminder about posting in the Unequally Yoked--

This forum is for members to post who are "unequally yoked", which has been defined as the following: "A forum for the support of Christians in relationships with non-believers." That means one spouse is Christian and the other spouse is not Christian. Being of a different denomination or Christian group does not mean, as CF has defined, the couple is "unequally yoked".

If you have any questions feel free to contact Member Services Center or another of our Staffers.
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[xDenax]

I'm Jewish and my husband is a non-Jewish atheist (that's not unequally yoked exactly but you get the idea). We are very happy!

 

[blessedandlucky]

Yes - VERY happy!! My husband is not a believer but is a sweet, kind, loving man and I feel so fortunate to be married to him. He's a gift from God to my life and I wouldn't trade him for anything!

 

[cyhertzler]

Hi. I'm new to this website, and I have to say something....THANK YOU all. These posts have encouraged me to look beyond what's in front of my face. The past few years my focus has been on our differences (my hubby & I), and my striving to find a way to "fix the problem". (That doesn't work). The truth is that he needs me to love him right where he's at in life. Thanks!

 

[Lily76_]

am christian and my husband is a non believer .
We are very happy ...he comes with my weight am able to go to church as i cant go on my own due to mental health problems and he is happy to listen and join in singing ...but he don't believe in God .

 

[bachatagirl]

to let everyone know on this thread,,,husband and i are seperated as of this past march,,,,hes been seeing another woman for quite awhile,,,,i asked him you cant have both so he left,,,,,im devestated,,,,still having hard time,,,keep him in prayer please,,,

 

[Tiny529]

My husband and I are unequally yoked. We've been married for 9 years but I've only been saved for 4. I'd say that I am as happy as I can be in an unequally yoked marriage. I'd be much happier if we were both saved. I pray for him daily and mourn the possibility that he will not see paradise. I am sad for my kids because they don't understand why their Daddy doesn't believe in God or why God doesn't answer their daily prayers for his salvation.

 

[weedygarden]

I would assume if you see more posts with negative accounts of Christians being married to Non Christians, it may be that people with happy marriages are not as likely to leave a post saying so. (People usually post to a forum only if they have a complaint or heartbreak.)

There seems to be a shortage of single Christian men over the age of 35. I'm in my early 40s, a Christian woman, and tired of being unmarried. Most churches I walk into have an over abundance of never- married or divorced women over 35, and no single men.

For years, I was against the idea of getting married to a Non Christian, but now, I'm willing to consider it.

I've also lurked at forums for abused wives. These are Christian women whose husbands were presumably Christian too, but their "Christian" husbands abused them, and they had to divorce the guys.

Some of them say their husband played the part before marriage, was very nice, attended church weekly, and even after marrige, the husband goes to church every week and so on (keeping up the pretense of being a godly husband), but they said, after marriage, the husband let his abusive side out.

Some conservative denominations that teach authoritarianism (male headship, patriarchy, gender complementarianism, etc) contribute to spousal abuse in Christian marriages.

I've heard Christian women say that after dating selfish, rude, or abusive Christian men for years, they began dating Non-Christians too, (or lukewarm Christian guys), and that the lukewarm or Non-Christian ones make better boyfriends, they were treated nicer and with more consideration by the Non Christians in their experiences, then the Christian ones.

So being married to a "Christian" man (or dating Christian men) is not a guarantee you're going to end up with a great guy or great marriage, from the testimonies I've seen by Christian ladies.

I know the Bible says Christians are to marry only other Christians, but...

I'm at a loss now to see how a marriage, (or dating scenario), can be any worse with a NonChristian, seeing as how some Christian men are abusive, mean, selfish, or are cheaters.

Also, with a shortage of single Christian men, a single Christian woman who wants marriage doesn't have much choice but to marry a non believer.

 

[DYOLF]

Firstly not all who say to me Lord,Lord shall enter the Kingdom of heaven. The bible also says 'my sheep they know me and they hear my voice' and says a lot about who is a Christian and who is not.The Christians are the ones who accept the Lordship of our saviour Christ that means he rules.The ones who are not Christians by their fruit you shall know them.Christians are just branches of the tree that is Jesus Christ and they show that fruit.There are many people who go to church for various reasons and that doesnt mean they are saved.Some even rise in leadership and become Bishops but they are not of Christ,they are of their father the devil.The book of Peter does mention that if a husband abuses his wife then God will not talk to him.I guess this goes both ways.The bible also tells us to forgive so we can be forgiven and does mention that we should not let the sun go down on our anger.If someone is a true Christian he will get problems if he abuses his spouse and learns very early not to do that.They also do not get angry for 2 days because the devil will cause problems in their life.If the wife is a Christian then she is quick to forgive and does not keep a record of wrongs and so does the husband.This way there's no divorce because it comes from the hardness of the heart.That's what God means by 2 Christians getting married.What we normally have instead are 2 Church goers getting married and then claiming 'that Christian abused me'.
Regarding finding a spouse,God has given us many promises and he is not a liar.His word will come to pass but we have our part to play.If you are Christ's then you will hear his voice.If you have a problem getting a spouse go to him,ask him what's happening and he will tell you how you are getting hindered.The problem is many 'Christians' are baby Christians,they have never struggled with God like Jacob who prayed and said 'I will not let you go until you have blessed me' or like Hannah or like Sarah or like Abraham.Believe what you want to believe but prayer has different levels.Take your supplications before God,pray and fast and see the deliverance of the Lord.Some people are getting hindered by sin in their life.You know yourself.When you live in sin you give the devil a chance to mess your life up.Like the bible says 'judge yourself if you are in the faith',also 'if you judge yourself then you will not be judged'.If you think you are living right and has no bitterness or unforgiveness then by all means start praying like you mean it,with fasting and prayer.Guaranteed God will come through.

 

[DYOLF]

For many people the issue of not getting a spouse is actually a sign of the state of their relationship with God.They are looking at the symptom of not getting a spouse but their real problem is not the spouse but their relationship with God is not a very good or a very close one. The book of proverbs says wealth can come from parents but a good wife cometh from the Lord.There are many people who inherited wealth or their parents sent them to good schools and they have no problems financially so they think they are ok.A good wife comes from God but how will God get her to you if you are not close to him?

The idea of being led by God is a big issue.Romans 8:14 'As many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are the children of the Lord'.It takes a relationship for someone to be led by God. This is why Christ said in John 10:27 'My sheep they know me and they hear my voice.The voice of a stranger they will not follow'.The problem with many 'Christians' regarding spouses is that God is silent on the issue. God is silent and now you are compromising his word,you are going back to worldly standards because God has not spoken to you regarding this issue.There are many reasons why God might be silent in your life.Number one reason is you haven't sought him or sought him enough.Everything you desire comes from seeking God.Like Matthew 6 says 'seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you'.What we have are many half hearted prayers with people who normally know they have things to leave behind but want to still carry those things with them.You cant seek God if you are living in sin that's why that righteousness bit is added in that scriptures.If you are living in sin you know it.Hebrews 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us

As you continue praying,there is a transformation that comes in you.As you draw closer to God he draws closer to you.You get to the point and he will start talking to you,you will get your answer of the spouse you are looking for.He might even tell you his name,where you will meet him and when.It all depends but the truth is don't make a mistake of doing things your own way because you will come back heartbroken if you live to tell the tale.

 

[seekingsister]

There seems to be a shortage of single Christian men over the age of 35. I'm in my early 40s, a Christian woman, and tired of being unmarried. Most churches I walk into have an over abundance of never- married or divorced women over 35, and no single men.

For years, I was against the idea of getting married to a Non Christian, but now, I'm willing to consider it.

Anecdotally the vast majority of mixed faith marriages I have seen, the children practice the religion of the mother. That's likely because A) women tend to be more observant in religious practice, as you mention and B) women tend to have more childrearing responsibilities.

So I think an argument can be made for Christian women to marry non-Christian men if no Christian men are available - as long as they agree the children will be raised Christian. Otherwise we have lots of Christian women who never marry and have children - as you and most of us have seen in churches regularly - which means the next generation will have fewer Christian children.

I know a number of marriages - including some in my family - in which a Christian mother has run a Christian household without support from the husband. It's harder I'm sure (I will be in for the same, became a Christian a few months ago but getting married soon to a non-Christian, we are committed so break up is not going to happen - and prayer and Christian advice have also supported me on this), but we want the next generation to have as many who know the Good News as possible. And I have also seen an unbelieving spouse led to Christ by the believing spouse and children.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

For years, I was against the idea of getting married to a Non Christian, but now, I'm willing to consider it.


some conservative denominations that teach authoritarianism (male headship, patriarchy, gender complementarianism, etc) contribute to spousal abuse in Christian marriages.

I've heard Christian women say that after dating selfish, rude, or abusive Christian men for years, they began dating Non-Christians too, (or lukewarm Christian guys), and that the lukewarm or Non-Christian ones make better boyfriends, they were treated nicer and with more consideration by the Non Christians in their experiences, then the Christian ones.


I know the Bible says Christians are to marry only other Christians, but...

I'm at a loss now to see how a marriage, (or dating scenario), can be any worse with a NonChristian, seeing as how some Christian men are abusive, mean, selfish, or are cheaters.

Also, with a shortage of single Christian men, a single Christian woman who wants marriage doesn't have much choice but to marry a non believer.

Great posts by DYOLF .

some conservative denominations that teach authoritarianism (male headship, patriarchy, gender complementarianism, etc) contribute to spousal abuse in Christian marriages. Totally disagree. My church teaches a Biblical view of marriage, but along with that comes the instruction for men to love their wives as Christ loved the church-willing to give up his own life.

I was married to a man who professed he had accepted Christ, but I didn't wait to see if there would be any fruit that came with his conversion. We had 2 kids and he remained a liar and even though he went to church weekly, his life did not reflect it. Good times were few and after the divorce he moved to another country and can't bother to even call his kids any more. That might be a blessing.

I understand being lonely and after a few heart breaks I was very tempted to accept a date with a non-Christian who seemed very nice. I just want to encourage you that you can't go wrong by being obedient to Christ. You just can't! Don't compromise. Seek Him first. Seek His will for your life and get busy serving Him and using your gifts.

 

[ChirpChirp]

Hi everyone,

Sorry to intrude on a married people's forum. I have asked this question before in other places but have not really received a satisfactory answer, with many negative comments.

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. I am Eastern Orthodox, he was raised Catholic but does not believe in "organised religion". We share many of the same values, we met in college and want to specialise in the same areas, he is basically a part of my family by now, he's here so often! And I am always welcome into his home.

This guy really loves me. He goes out of his way to help me when I need it, sometimes I really wonder why! Of course it goes without saying that I love him back

The differences: he is not Christian, which honestly does bother me but I can't force it onto him. However, he completely respects my beliefs, and even drives me to church now and then as my family doesn't have a car. Unfortunately, since I belong to a minority community, my mass is in a another language, not English. He came to church with me once and it was a bit of a disaster (wrong timing, stuff going on in my family.....). I've since had a few talks with him, and we've agreed that if we get married and have kids I'll be looking after their religious education, and that he'll support me and even come to church with me, he just asked me for some time to which I agreed.
I've talked about it with my priest and he neither encouraged or discouraged this relationship, but advised me to be gentle with him, and that he hopes our relationship will continue to be loving and caring.

Can somebody in a similar situation offer some advice or tell me about their experience? Our relationship is pretty serious, and he's mentioned several times that he can see us marrying in the future.

 

[PassionateOne]

Hi everyone,

Sorry to intrude on a married people's forum. I have asked this question before in other places but have not really received a satisfactory answer, with many negative comments.

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. I am Eastern Orthodox, he was raised Catholic but does not believe in "organised religion". We share many of the same values, we met in college and want to specialise in the same areas, he is basically a part of my family by now, he's here so often! And I am always welcome into his home.

This guy really loves me. He goes out of his way to help me when I need it, sometimes I really wonder why! Of course it goes without saying that I love him back

The differences: he is not Christian, which honestly does bother me but I can't force it onto him. However, he completely respects my beliefs,.

Can somebody in a similar situation offer some advice or tell me about their experience? Our relationship is pretty serious, and he's mentioned several times that he can see us marrying in the future.

hi chirp!

I am married to a Jewish man. He's been my absolute BEST FRIEND! And completely respects my religion, even encourages me to go to church...ha!

It's been great....the Christian boyfriends I had, in the past don't even compare to my hubby! The were judgemental, wanted to be the leader and not let me have a 'voice'.
I prayed for God to bring me a good man and He did, that just happens to be Jewish.
If he treats you well and you both get along well? that's what matters most...IMO

 

[Mixedbabies123]

I have been married to a man who is Buddhist, we have 2 kids. I love him and my family so so much. The term unequally yoked is for very simple reasons and I can attest to this, it hurts the Christian in their walk of faith. Some more than others. Now I truly believe God wanted me with the man I'm with, but because he has different moral values and was raised so different he has hurt me in so many ways. It was to the point one night where I was crying and asking God if he wanted me to leave. I heard a very firm answer, "stay". So I'm not sure exactly why God would plan for one of his children to be unequally yoked but he did with us. I have yet to see the fruit from this, but I have faith that God will take care of us. In fact this is why I have started searching this site. My heart is aching so much tonight. I feel so broken but I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle. Geez he must really think I am pretty strong

In love, Me

 

[PrudenceAnn]

Absolutely! My husband is not a Christian, and we are happy... Really happy! He takes a healthy approach to my faith... He is inquisitive, open to my world view... He often agrees with me. He just isn't at a point where he can accept it as truth. I am fine with this. I will jump for joy if/when he comes to Christ, but I won't force it, and I won't ever love him any less for not sharing my faith. I do pray for him... and obviously I want him to know Christ... but it doesn't get in the way of our relationship. Moreover, he is a good and loving person. Unfortunately, I know some people that claim to be Christians and yet do not live their lives in love. For me, this is far sadder.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

I have no doubt unequally yolked marriage can work out (even if I am against it). But that more important question should be are you ok with knowing your spouse will not go to heaven? Like I said its not a sin to be unequally yolked, but I could not marry a non-christian woman knowing they would go to hell if they didn't become saved. Just my view.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

I've only been married 4 months but so far it is great. I'm a former SDA turned nonbeliever and she is Catholic. Though it is hard for her to comprehend how I can not believe and me vice versa it seems to work out just fine.

 

[AdamG]

Yes! It's made my faith stronger and it helps that I'm questioned. Rational conversation is a great thing!

 

[PixieSunbelle]

I married my husband this year. We've been together for 10 years. He is an atheist and I am a Christian. I am happy even though he isn't saved.