WARNING: I tried to just make this one post, but due to the post being so long the site, wouldn't let me. As a result, I had to make two posts to fit everything in. Sorry!
Like I said, it's a long post; there are many reasons why I feel this way, most of them go back 10-20 years.
Some of the reasons I am feeling the way I do have to do with God and other reasons have to do with Christians.
Ever since I was a kid, I have felt like I've been on the outside looking in, that there's no place for me. That being said, there's a certain way you're expected to think and act that is considered normal (this varies depending on the culture; what's a normal and acceptable way of acting in one culture, might be considered NOT normal and acceptable in another culture, and vise versa).
Specifically I'm referring to American culture (United States/North America). In North America, being extrovert is what you're encouraged to do from the time you're a child; if you're introvert, you're seen as inferior and that something is wrong with you (if you're quiet, people immediately assume you're sad/something is wrong, and/or you're seen as standoffish/weird).
That's just one of the things I am dealing with. When I was a kid, I dealt with multiple things. On top of that I had Aspergers, but unfortunately it wasn't well known during my childhood, nor was there the awareness of it in schools that there is now. You're supposed to get diagnosed with it and intervention with it when you're a kid, so that when it doesn't effect you as badly as an adult. Since I didn't get the intervention for it as a kid, it is effecting me very badly as an adult. Unfortunately Aspergers effects every aspect of a person's life To make things more frustrating many Christians will often assume that because I say it effects every aspect of my life they can have this attitude of 'that's because you're letting/choosing to let it do that' and/or 'you're being self-defeatist/negative'. I am not doing either of these things, this is merely being honest and is the reality of having it.
Some of the reasons I am feeling the way I do have to do with God and other reasons have to do with Christians.
I've always felt like I'm on the outside looking in and in most cultures, being different is almost always seen in a negative light.
Specifically I'm referring to American culture (United States/North America). In North America, being extrovert is what you're encouraged to do from the time you're a child; if you're introvert, you're seen as inferior and that something is wrong with you (if you're quiet, people immediately assume you're sad/something is wrong, and/or you're seen as standoffish/weird).
That's just one of the things I am dealing with. When I was a kid, I dealt with multiple things. On top of that I had Aspergers, but unfortunately it wasn't well known during my childhood, nor was there the awareness of it in schools that there is now. You're supposed to get diagnosed with it and intervention with it when you're a kid, so that when it doesn't effect you as badly as an adult. Since I didn't get the intervention for it as a kid, it is effecting me very badly as an adult. Unfortunately Aspergers effects every aspect of a person's life To make things more frustrating many Christians will often assume that because I say it effects every aspect of my life they can have this attitude of 'that's because you're letting/choosing to let it do that' and/or 'you're being self-defeatist/negative'. I am not doing either of these things, this is merely being honest and is the reality of having it.
Symptoms of Aspergers:
*Poor eye contact/difficulty making eye contact (didn't come naturally to me, had to learn it)
*Cannot read body language
*Difficulty interpreting sarcasm and/or when somebody is joking
*Voice modulation (too loud or too soft, cannot find happy medium- a normal tone of voice)
*Difficulty articulating a point; cannot just give a simple and straightfoward answer
*Bad with small talk;
*Difficulty forming and keeping friendships
*Bad with empathy.
*Difficulty with conversation. Tend to talk at people rather than to them.
*very literal with thinking (all-or-nothing thinking very common)
*Sensory issues, it's commonly referred to as sensory overload, and this is in regards to 5 senses. They can tolerate this to an extent but they have a threshold, but if their senses are overwhelmed they react adversely (yelling, kicking/hitting people/things, and/or completely shutting down). With food, foods with weird textures can cause issues; typically foods that are too sour and/or bitter, can create problems. With sounds, they don't like loud and repetitive noises. With touch, some may hate physical affection and/or not like certain textures (i.e. with clothes) and/or might not like clothes that are too tight fitting/restrictive. With sight, it's common to not like lights that are too bright.
It's very common for those with aspergers to also have depression too; low self-esteem and/or self-confidence, and self-hatred is also very common.
*Sadness
*Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed/loved (with hobbies)
*Withdrawal (isolating yourself from others/not socializing)
*Mood swings
*Becoming easily irritated/angry
*Change in appetite; eating too and/or too little
*Suicidal thoughts
*Anxiety
*Difficulty concentrating/focusing
*Sleeping too much (hypersomnia) and/or difficulty falling and staying asleep at night (insomnia)
Unfortunately mainstream Christian culture is not helping things with depression; you cannot openly talk about it, and stigma for having it is common. Many times it's not seen as a legitimate illness (that if you just pray hard enough/have enough faith, you wouldn't have it; that it's not depression, but demon possession; that because you have it, you're selfish). When people ask 'how are you' at church it's extremely frustrating to me, because typically they're not asking because they care, but to be polite. You're expected to bury your pain, sorrow, and/or problems.
Another thing that frustrates me regarding depression is oversimplified solutions that don’t work. Typical suggestions are...
*Go out and get fresh air and sunshine
*Exercise
*Volunteer/help others
*Take up a hobby you enjoy/do something you love
*Get a pet (less common)
*Socialize w friends/family
*Be thankful/have a positive attitude
*Find your joy and strength in God
The above suggestions while they alleviate depression, don't make it go away esp if the form you have is more severe and/or chronic.
Unfortunately being ostracized/rejected is very common if you have depression.Many Christians don't associate with those with depression (for lack of a better term) because they don't want to be patronizing to them. However it’s just as true that many Christians avoid those (saved or not) is because they just don’t want to deal w/them because it makes them feel uncomfortable/unpleasant. I hear incessantly at church, that we're supposed to love one another, and minister to those who are not pleasant and/or unloving to be around, but many times I don't see them practicing what they preach. This issue isn't just exclusive to my church, it's an issue with mainstream Christian culture as whole (at least in North America). There are certain ways that are considered acceptable to act and think; as long as adhere to those guidelines you're accepted/loved/ supported/receive time/help/attention. However if you don't you typically tend to be ostracized/stigma. If you are acknowledged it's typically negative attention (people trying to 'fix' you, playing the comparison game with problems, somebody has it worse off your problems mean nothing/aren't important, accused of whining/complaining for being real about pain/sorrow/problems because it's not nice like they want to hear).
The biggest reason what I just described angers and hurts me so much, is we’re supposed to emulate the love of Christ, and none of these things is what he would do! He wouldn’t
The next set of issues are problems I have seen with contemporary Christian culture as a whole, so the issues I am going to discuss, aren't just exclusive to my church; this is why I think 'going to a new church' wouldn't help. I am tired of the selfishness, the complacency, and the shallowness of mainstream Christian culture in North America. I am not saying all churches are like this, nor am I saying all Christians are like this, but these issues I am seeing are commonplace in contemporary mainstream Christian culture. The Bible says our life isn't our own, we live to love and serve God first, others second, and OUR needs/wants go last; the whole reason we exist is for God's pleasure and to worship Him. Real serving requires being inconvenienced, requires time/effort, being inconvenienced, and many times means doing stuff you don't want to do.
1.Being treated as a social club. Many times the only reason Christians go to church is for what they can get out of it; many times the only reason they worship is because it makes them feel good, but worship is not about us, it's about God.
2. Selfishness with serving. My pastor preaches incessantly how important it is to reach out and serve others, and how important it is to do outreach in the community. However 'outreach and serving' has become relegated to doing an outreach project once a month, and serving at church on Sundays. I don't see ministry/outreach to the community happening on a consistent basis. As I said many times Christians will only serve if
3 .Fellowship is non-existent, it's only relegated to church-oriented stuff (church on Sundays, and going to a Bible study), but I don't (at least not consistently) see it carrying over into real life.
4. Older singles (30+) being neglected; I don't think this intentional, but it's still happening.
The focus and emphasis is on ministering to those raising families, that's where all the time, effort, and resources go. No I haven't discussed this issue with my pastor, I see no point in doing so. He's made it quite clear that the vision for our church is ministering and to families. Since that's the target demographic for my church, any new people who are invited are going to be THOSE WITH FAMILIES. Since the focus is on families, any potential new members of the congregation who do make my church their permanent 'church home' are most likely going to be families, since as I said, that's the focus. Most of the congregation at my church is made up of young families.
5. Overwhelming loneliness; I spend most of my time alone. The sad reality is if I don't initiate contact, I don't hear from people at my church. I don't have a problem initiating contact, it's when I am always doing it and it's never reciprocated that bothers me. Different people feel loved different ways; the way I feel loved is quality time and being served. Out of the all the people in my church, only 4 of them reach out and take enough of an interest in my life to help me.
6. Indifference with depression/mental illness.
Like I said, it's a long post; there are many reasons why I feel this way, most of them go back 10-20 years.
Some of the reasons I am feeling the way I do have to do with God and other reasons have to do with Christians.
Ever since I was a kid, I have felt like I've been on the outside looking in, that there's no place for me. That being said, there's a certain way you're expected to think and act that is considered normal (this varies depending on the culture; what's a normal and acceptable way of acting in one culture, might be considered NOT normal and acceptable in another culture, and vise versa).
Specifically I'm referring to American culture (United States/North America). In North America, being extrovert is what you're encouraged to do from the time you're a child; if you're introvert, you're seen as inferior and that something is wrong with you (if you're quiet, people immediately assume you're sad/something is wrong, and/or you're seen as standoffish/weird).
That's just one of the things I am dealing with. When I was a kid, I dealt with multiple things. On top of that I had Aspergers, but unfortunately it wasn't well known during my childhood, nor was there the awareness of it in schools that there is now. You're supposed to get diagnosed with it and intervention with it when you're a kid, so that when it doesn't effect you as badly as an adult. Since I didn't get the intervention for it as a kid, it is effecting me very badly as an adult. Unfortunately Aspergers effects every aspect of a person's life To make things more frustrating many Christians will often assume that because I say it effects every aspect of my life they can have this attitude of 'that's because you're letting/choosing to let it do that' and/or 'you're being self-defeatist/negative'. I am not doing either of these things, this is merely being honest and is the reality of having it.
Some of the reasons I am feeling the way I do have to do with God and other reasons have to do with Christians.
I've always felt like I'm on the outside looking in and in most cultures, being different is almost always seen in a negative light.
Specifically I'm referring to American culture (United States/North America). In North America, being extrovert is what you're encouraged to do from the time you're a child; if you're introvert, you're seen as inferior and that something is wrong with you (if you're quiet, people immediately assume you're sad/something is wrong, and/or you're seen as standoffish/weird).
That's just one of the things I am dealing with. When I was a kid, I dealt with multiple things. On top of that I had Aspergers, but unfortunately it wasn't well known during my childhood, nor was there the awareness of it in schools that there is now. You're supposed to get diagnosed with it and intervention with it when you're a kid, so that when it doesn't effect you as badly as an adult. Since I didn't get the intervention for it as a kid, it is effecting me very badly as an adult. Unfortunately Aspergers effects every aspect of a person's life To make things more frustrating many Christians will often assume that because I say it effects every aspect of my life they can have this attitude of 'that's because you're letting/choosing to let it do that' and/or 'you're being self-defeatist/negative'. I am not doing either of these things, this is merely being honest and is the reality of having it.
Symptoms of Aspergers:
*Poor eye contact/difficulty making eye contact (didn't come naturally to me, had to learn it)
*Cannot read body language
*Difficulty interpreting sarcasm and/or when somebody is joking
*Voice modulation (too loud or too soft, cannot find happy medium- a normal tone of voice)
*Difficulty articulating a point; cannot just give a simple and straightfoward answer
*Bad with small talk;
*Difficulty forming and keeping friendships
*Bad with empathy.
*Difficulty with conversation. Tend to talk at people rather than to them.
*very literal with thinking (all-or-nothing thinking very common)
*Sensory issues, it's commonly referred to as sensory overload, and this is in regards to 5 senses. They can tolerate this to an extent but they have a threshold, but if their senses are overwhelmed they react adversely (yelling, kicking/hitting people/things, and/or completely shutting down). With food, foods with weird textures can cause issues; typically foods that are too sour and/or bitter, can create problems. With sounds, they don't like loud and repetitive noises. With touch, some may hate physical affection and/or not like certain textures (i.e. with clothes) and/or might not like clothes that are too tight fitting/restrictive. With sight, it's common to not like lights that are too bright.
It's very common for those with aspergers to also have depression too; low self-esteem and/or self-confidence, and self-hatred is also very common.
*Sadness
*Loss of interest in things you once enjoyed/loved (with hobbies)
*Withdrawal (isolating yourself from others/not socializing)
*Mood swings
*Becoming easily irritated/angry
*Change in appetite; eating too and/or too little
*Suicidal thoughts
*Anxiety
*Difficulty concentrating/focusing
*Sleeping too much (hypersomnia) and/or difficulty falling and staying asleep at night (insomnia)
Unfortunately mainstream Christian culture is not helping things with depression; you cannot openly talk about it, and stigma for having it is common. Many times it's not seen as a legitimate illness (that if you just pray hard enough/have enough faith, you wouldn't have it; that it's not depression, but demon possession; that because you have it, you're selfish). When people ask 'how are you' at church it's extremely frustrating to me, because typically they're not asking because they care, but to be polite. You're expected to bury your pain, sorrow, and/or problems.
Another thing that frustrates me regarding depression is oversimplified solutions that don’t work. Typical suggestions are...
*Go out and get fresh air and sunshine
*Exercise
*Volunteer/help others
*Take up a hobby you enjoy/do something you love
*Get a pet (less common)
*Socialize w friends/family
*Be thankful/have a positive attitude
*Find your joy and strength in God
The above suggestions while they alleviate depression, don't make it go away esp if the form you have is more severe and/or chronic.
Unfortunately being ostracized/rejected is very common if you have depression.Many Christians don't associate with those with depression (for lack of a better term) because they don't want to be patronizing to them. However it’s just as true that many Christians avoid those (saved or not) is because they just don’t want to deal w/them because it makes them feel uncomfortable/unpleasant. I hear incessantly at church, that we're supposed to love one another, and minister to those who are not pleasant and/or unloving to be around, but many times I don't see them practicing what they preach. This issue isn't just exclusive to my church, it's an issue with mainstream Christian culture as whole (at least in North America). There are certain ways that are considered acceptable to act and think; as long as adhere to those guidelines you're accepted/loved/ supported/receive time/help/attention. However if you don't you typically tend to be ostracized/stigma. If you are acknowledged it's typically negative attention (people trying to 'fix' you, playing the comparison game with problems, somebody has it worse off your problems mean nothing/aren't important, accused of whining/complaining for being real about pain/sorrow/problems because it's not nice like they want to hear).
The biggest reason what I just described angers and hurts me so much, is we’re supposed to emulate the love of Christ, and none of these things is what he would do! He wouldn’t
The next set of issues are problems I have seen with contemporary Christian culture as a whole, so the issues I am going to discuss, aren't just exclusive to my church; this is why I think 'going to a new church' wouldn't help. I am tired of the selfishness, the complacency, and the shallowness of mainstream Christian culture in North America. I am not saying all churches are like this, nor am I saying all Christians are like this, but these issues I am seeing are commonplace in contemporary mainstream Christian culture. The Bible says our life isn't our own, we live to love and serve God first, others second, and OUR needs/wants go last; the whole reason we exist is for God's pleasure and to worship Him. Real serving requires being inconvenienced, requires time/effort, being inconvenienced, and many times means doing stuff you don't want to do.
1.Being treated as a social club. Many times the only reason Christians go to church is for what they can get out of it; many times the only reason they worship is because it makes them feel good, but worship is not about us, it's about God.
2. Selfishness with serving. My pastor preaches incessantly how important it is to reach out and serve others, and how important it is to do outreach in the community. However 'outreach and serving' has become relegated to doing an outreach project once a month, and serving at church on Sundays. I don't see ministry/outreach to the community happening on a consistent basis. As I said many times Christians will only serve if
3 .Fellowship is non-existent, it's only relegated to church-oriented stuff (church on Sundays, and going to a Bible study), but I don't (at least not consistently) see it carrying over into real life.
4. Older singles (30+) being neglected; I don't think this intentional, but it's still happening.
The focus and emphasis is on ministering to those raising families, that's where all the time, effort, and resources go. No I haven't discussed this issue with my pastor, I see no point in doing so. He's made it quite clear that the vision for our church is ministering and to families. Since that's the target demographic for my church, any new people who are invited are going to be THOSE WITH FAMILIES. Since the focus is on families, any potential new members of the congregation who do make my church their permanent 'church home' are most likely going to be families, since as I said, that's the focus. Most of the congregation at my church is made up of young families.
5. Overwhelming loneliness; I spend most of my time alone. The sad reality is if I don't initiate contact, I don't hear from people at my church. I don't have a problem initiating contact, it's when I am always doing it and it's never reciprocated that bothers me. Different people feel loved different ways; the way I feel loved is quality time and being served. Out of the all the people in my church, only 4 of them reach out and take enough of an interest in my life to help me.
6. Indifference with depression/mental illness.
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