An emotional day

[JeanR]

I put my old house up for sale today. I met with the realtor and signed the paperwork. I continued cleaning out the house and knew that the time had come to clean out Terry's closet. I had shut the door when he died and couldn't bear to open it. My son was nearby and checked on me from time to time. I wanted to do this alone. It is all done, it is over. I feel emotionally spent.

 

[TogetherForever]

I just sold my house last week and put on offer on a townhouse. I hope to move the end of April. I do not look forward to packing and going through all the emotions of leaving my home of 21 years.

How's it going in your new home? How are you adjusting?

 

[comewhatmay]

I'm putting up my house for sale too and moving back to my hometown. I'v been in this city for the past 10years and we only just moved into this house a year before Ray died. This was his dream home. We waited 2 years before we could move here and he had put so much into this house i.e. the designing, the furnitures the layout everything was how he wanted it. I thought we would be staying here for the rest of our lives and a place to see the girls grow up. It's agony to know he only just got to live here for 1 year after all the heart and soul he put into this place. Now it's just emotionally draining to have to pack our stuff and move away. I find it so hard to tear myself away. The memories, the fun and joy we had putting this place together. I don't know how to do it. I only managed to pack half his clothes. On one hand I don't want to leave but on another hand i know i could not afford to live here anymore and i just want to start afresh elsewhere. I feel torn. The hardest part is now i have to do all these alone and i just couldn't find the strength to do it. Yet i want to do it alone but wish i didn't have to this leaving thing. It feels like i am making the final break from the life we had together and i dun feel like letting go. It's so hard to move on. And i don't know what to do with half the stuff we have. I don't think i could do this.

 

[JeanR]

I was fortunate that I was able to move first and then deal with cleaning out the old house. I have to get the old house sold, though, because I can't financially afford to maintain 2 houses. I know that I made the right move. My new home does not have memories weighing down on me. My kids and I have new memories to make.

It's hard letting go of the old house, though. We lived there 28 years and my husband had done a good bit of work over the years. It's hard, also, because my husband died in that house. Three of my kids understand and even though it is hard to let go of their childhood home, they know I'm in a better position where I am now. I pay the monthly fee and the grass is cut, snow removed, leaves raked.

My oldest daughter is upset about the house being sold and I'm trying to help her with that. My husband's family is most upset about the house being sold. There's a lot of baggage there--lots of control issues. My moving meant that I do not live under their noses anymore and they can't keep track of my movements.

My prayer now is that the house sells quickly. I really can't afford 2 houses.

 

[comewhatmay]

God bless you Jean R! You are one tough lady! I finally packed all his stuff after a good long cry! I agree with you that the positive thing about the opportunity to start over again elsewhere is not having the memories weighing us down. I know how suffocating it can be, at least it is for me. His family and some of our friends were surprised that i decided to sell the house. I know for one his mom did NOT like the idea of selling. She probably thinks i am being ungrateful but she has no idea the burdens i have to carry and that i cannot afford this place. Also it has to do with the same control issue you mentioned. She knows with my moving away she will not get to have any say over my life and the kids even when some were out of her good intentions but i do not think i want to live the rest of my life that way.

At one point she even suggested about moving away to live with me and though i know it was out of her own grief and her feelings that all was lost, i told her no because i had to move on. Yet i couldn't help having the feeling she was in her own tiny way was trying to find a way to have control over me. I just hope i'm wrong there and that it's just her trying to deal with her own grief. Talk abt control issues.

I hope and pray that i'm doing the right thing for me and the kids. I love this house yet somedays i couldn't stand being in it. It hurt too much. My younger girl is too young to fully understand why we have to move. But my older girl did question as she had a good memory of living here while her dad was around. Same prayer here that this house gets sold/leased quickly. Also i'll be praying for you too Jean R!

 

[JeanR]

Even though we lived in our house for 28 years, there were issues with this old house. It was built in 1860 and there were structural problems. Terry and I were in the process of moving to a temporary home when he died. We were going to tear the house down and build a new house on the property. Needless to say, that was no longer an option when Terry died so suddenly. I could not afford to go through with what we had planned.

So, moving to a house that was only 18 years, and in my price range, was actually an easy decision to make. It doesn't make it easier emotionally though, just financially.

God has taken such good care of us this past year and I know he will continue to do so. My prayer is that the house sells quickly and not drag on. I know the housing market is not good now, and the house is being sold "as is". I continue to trust in the Lord in this matter.

 

[dellinw]

JeanR, I know what you mean. I lost my husband 6/13/07, I want to do it alone. I have done part way. Some of his things, I just can't put them in a box yet. I guess I'm holding on thinking he will come back and need it. He gets Woodworking Magazine in the mail and I've put all of them in the drawer by his side of the bed. Will this ever get any easier? dellinw

 

[JeanR]

I want to say that you will finish cleaning out when you are ready, I wanted it to be that way for me. But, it came down to having to do because the house was going up for sale. I guess that was God's way of pushing me. Sometimes he has to do that.

I do think things have gotten somewhat easier. I am becoming more comfortable with the sound of silence. It still hurts turning the light out and crawling into a cold and empty bed. I don't know if that will ever get easier. I still cry often, sometimes quite intensely. But, it day looks a bit brighter.

No rules, right?