Am I naive?

[Redguard]

A male who is seeing an attractive, immodestly dressed female may not show outward signs of ogling, but his arousal mode is activated immediately (see my post above). Once that happens the route to lust is only a couple of seconds. So guys who do not want to lust know they have to react immediately by looking away from females, or their images, if they want to avoid looking upon a woman lustfully and thereby committing adultry (Mathew 5:28).

Okay everybody. It's time for a reality check.

Lust doesn't necessarily have to begin with the sight of a naked or immodestly dressed person. We, as humans, are capable of lusting after a fully clothed, modest woman.

Here's my point. If lusting is a problem for the individual, deal with it as needed. But let's not paint every man here with the same colored brush.

 

[hygienemom]

I think this conversation has maybe gotten a little off track. I don't know why we are even discussing the issue of women's insecurities. The issue (in my opinion) is about respect and modesty. Respect and modesty has nothing to do with insecurity.

Insecurities are something completely different and that should be discussed on a separate thread. And even if some women are insecure right now, then that's even more reason why a husband should be more forgiving and sensitive to her emotional issues...and help her work through those issues.

Bottom line: To each his/her own on how one wants to conduct his/her life. My husband and I choose to watch quality movies without violence, sex and nudity content...but that is *our choice*. This goes for T.V. shows as well. We mainly watch educational programming on the Discovery Channel, History Channel, and Weather Channel. Obviously we have major differences of opinions here in this thread and I'm not here to debate this with anyone. If those of you who are a little on the "liberal" side feel it's fine to watch "R"-rated movies and buy into some of the hollywood movies out there, then by all means--no one is stopping you. That is *your choice*.

Through alot of discussion, I feel we (DH an I) have made great strides on this issue. We as well watch educational programming but do watch the Hallmark and Lifetime channels for the movies...Although they are not rated R but do sometimes show a little "skin". He now, without my prompting, will turn the channel for a few minutes out of RESPECT for my feelings. I have sometimes left the room in order to keep my thoughts pure as well. I have showed him a lot of your posts and he sees how people with insecurities are not always fully in control of their emotions. I also have been enlightened by your opinions and can see both sides of the coin.

Insecurities are not something one can just shut off to make life easier for the other person. There is alot of history that plays a part of insecurities. DH is becoming so much more sensitive to my insecurities which helps me to let them go.

Life and marriage takes a lot of work, communication, and being sensitive to each other.

God Bless to All who responded.

 

[heartnsoul]

Through alot of discussion, I feel we (DH an I) have made great strides on this issue. We as well watch educational programming but do watch the Hallmark and Lifetime channels for the movies...Although they are not rated R but do sometimes show a little "skin". He now, without my prompting, will turn the channel for a few minutes out of RESPECT for my feelings. I have sometimes left the room in order to keep my thoughts pure as well. I have showed him a lot of your posts and he sees how people with insecurities are not always fully in control of their emotions. I also have been enlightened by your opinions and can see both sides of the coin.

Insecurities are not something one can just shut off to make life easier for the other person. There is alot of history that plays a part of insecurities. DH is becoming so much more sensitive to my insecurities which helps me to let them go.

Life and marriage takes a lot of work, communication, and being sensitive to each other.

God Bless to All who responded.

Amen! May God continue to work in your lives and bless your marriage. As both of you draw closer to Christ, may you find your security in Him.

As we all grow spiritually mature in Christ, security in Him will take a front seat in our lives as jealousy takes a back seat. God bless you.

 

[TheDag]

Okay everybody. It's time for a reality check.

Lust doesn't necessarily have to begin with the sight of a naked or immodestly dressed person. We, as humans, are capable of lusting after a fully clothed, modest woman.

Here's my point. If lusting is a problem for the individual, deal with it as needed. But let's not paint every man here with the same colored brush.

Good point Redguard. I have a friend who has visited middle eastern countries where women are covered from head to toe and he has used his imagination to picture whats underneath. Even though there were some scantily dressed tourists about he said his mind was on the local women and what they may look like.

 

[hygienemom]

Good point Redguard. I have a friend who has visited middle eastern countries where women are covered from head to toe and he has used his imagination to picture whats underneath. Even though there were some scantily dressed tourists about he said his mind was on the local women and what they may look like.

Is that all you guys think about?

 

[Soft Rains]

Is that all you guys think about?

Wow, as a guy your attitudes are starting to annoy me. First you note whether your husband is flinching away from the telly when a naked breast is shown, then you tell your husband he has to learn how to engage in a compulsive sexual behavior, "bouncing his eyes," and NOW you ask if sex is all guys think about?!?

It appears that you are the one with preoccupying concerns about sex. It also appears that you read the book: "Every Man's Battle."

It also seems like you have a mercilessly dim view of men. Men like sex and women's bodies because that's the way God created them to be, period.

 

[hygienemom]

Wow, as a guy your attitudes are starting to annoy me. First you note whether your husband is flinching away from the telly when a naked breast is shown, then you tell your husband he has to learn how to engage in a compulsive sexual behavior, "bouncing his eyes," and NOW you ask if sex is all guys think about?!?

It appears that you are the one with preoccupying concerns about sex. It also appears that you read the book: "Every Man's Battle."

It also seems like you have a mercilessly dim view of men. Men like sex and women's bodies because that's the way God created them to be, period.

Yes I have read the book.

If you read the book you would understand that God made you to enjoy your partner's body...no one else.

 

[Soft Rains]

Yes I have read the book.

If you read the book you would understand that God made you to enjoy your partner's body...no one else.

I'll try to pick it up.

 

[TheDag]

Is that all you guys think about?

Making generalisations is never a good idea as you are sure to come across people they don't apply to. The above response from you was a result of a post describing my friends thoughts not mine. There are plenty of women who think about sex alot and therefore the same claim could be made of them. Finally my comments don't reflect me as a whole as I am trying to keep in close to the OP and not branch out into other things.

Yes I have read the book.

If you read the book you would understand that God made you to enjoy your partner's body...no one else.

What does the book mean when it says God made you to enjoy your partner's body...no one else? I've read Every Mans Marriage and I don't see that they have a huge problem with guys just looking especially if they're single as my friend was when in the middle east.

 

[hygienemom]

What does the book mean when it says God made you to enjoy your partner's body...no one else? I've read Every Mans Marriage and I don't see that they have a huge problem with guys just looking especially if they're single as my friend was when in the middle east.

My Dh used to use the excuse "God made me this way" which is true...but...God made men visually stimulated but with the intention to reserve that for wives...not the woman on tv or walking down the street. Alot of you don't seem to get it that it is disrespectful to your spouse to stare!!!

You bring up a good point. Is a single man allowed to lust after any woman that comes within his field of vision?

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

Hygienmom it sounds like your hubby's actions are clouding your view of all men. Please don't take this the wrong way, b/c it's just an observation, but it seems like you are taking out your frustrations for your hubby, on the men responding here! We are not responsible for how other men respond to naked women, they are not accountable to us but God! Getting them to answer questiones only your dh can answer is kinda tricky!

Not all men are alike, amd we shouldn't shame them if they are being honest and open. If they say something that doesn't represent Godly behavior, pray for them. Men and women both have temptations that we have to overcome and it's only by the blood of Christ we can overcome! Condemnation won't bring about change. Again please don't take this the wrong way,I'm trying to be objective and give you another angle to look at! I pray that God can heal your marriage in this area sweetie

 

[Vilnius]

My Dh used to use the excuse "God made me this way" which is true...but...God made men visually stimulated but with the intention to reserve that for wives...not the woman on tv or walking down the street. Alot of you don't seem to get it that it is disrespectful to your spouse to stare!!!

You bring up a good point. Is a single man allowed to lust after any woman that comes within his field of vision?

"Lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. It is a devastating fire that destroys to hell " (Job 31:11-12, NLT). "

"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is comming" (Colosians 3:5-6).

Mathew 5:28 says that when a man looks lustfully upon a woman he has committed adultry in his heart. So God does not think a husband is being "disrespectful" of his wife when he looks lustfully on another woman, God says he is committing adultry, which some may recall is mentioned in the Ten Commandments.

Lastly, nowhere in the Bible does it say it is OK to lust if you are single. If you are consummed with lustful behaviour before marriage, you will be after marriage too.

 

[hygienemom]

Hygienmom it sounds like your hubby's actions are clouding your view of all men. Please don't take this the wrong way, b/c it's just an observation, but it seems like you are taking out your frustrations for your hubby, on the men responding here! We are not responsible for how other men respond to naked women, they are not accountable to us but God! Getting them to answer questiones only your dh can answer is kinda tricky!

Not all men are alike, amd we shouldn't shame them if they are being honest and open. If they say something that doesn't represent Godly behavior, pray for them. Men and women both have temptations that we have to overcome and it's only by the blood of Christ we can overcome! Condemnation won't bring about change. Again please don't take this the wrong way,I'm trying to be objective and give you another angle to look at! I pray that God can heal your marriage in this area sweetie

I hear what you are saying and i respect your honesty but when DH used to say I was the one with the problem and all guys do it, I guess I began to generalize.
I feel that alot of men who have voiced their opinion are making exceptions to God's rules. I didn't make the rules and should not be judgemental towards the honest men on this forum. And for that I do apologize.
However, as a wife and a mother of two young boys, I want to encourage the men in my home to respect and value me and other women. I want to teach my boys that lust is sinful in God's eyes and when they begin to act accordingly their father needs to be a role model as well.
I guess I won't change alot of men's attitudes on this topic. God and the Holy Spirit will convict and show the light as He sees fit.

 

[heartnsoul]

"Lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. It is a devastating fire that destroys to hell " (Job 31:11-12, NLT). "

"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is comming" (Colosians 3:5-6).

Mathew 5:28 says that when a man looks lustfully upon a woman he has committed adultry in his heart. So God does not think a husband is being "disrespectful" of his wife when he looks lustfully on another woman, God says he is committing adultry, which some may recall is mentioned in the Ten Commandments.

Lastly, nowhere in the Bible does it say it is OK to lust if you are single. If you are consummed with lustful behaviour before marriage, you will be after marriage too.

Amen! Excellent post!

 

[mt_joy]

I think nudity is beautiful, but in a sexual form, it belongs solely between husband and wife. Therefore, these movies that have nudity for sexual reasons is impure. But a doctor delivering a baby or a breastfeeding mom are not indecent. Movies do not need nudity. I always look away and it makes me happy when my bf does as well.

Joy
MT Student

 

[sculpturegirl]

I say turn off the TV. Better yet, throw it out the window. Then, go to an art museum.

 

[Matthew614]

There is no discussing it with him...he denies he does anything wrong.
Case closed.

This is how my husband is...I feel you. I, for one, am about finished with him.

 

[Yitzchak]

I hear what you are saying and i respect your honesty but when DH used to say I was the one with the problem and all guys do it, I guess I began to generalize.
I feel that alot of men who have voiced their opinion are making exceptions to God's rules. I didn't make the rules and should not be judgemental towards the honest men on this forum. And for that I do apologize.
However, as a wife and a mother of two young boys, I want to encourage the men in my home to respect and value me and other women. I want to teach my boys that lust is sinful in God's eyes and when they begin to act accordingly their father needs to be a role model as well.
I guess I won't change alot of men's attitudes on this topic. God and the Holy Spirit will convict and show the light as He sees fit.

You are right that the Holy Spirit needs to convict. Hopefully your words will inspire some to seek the Lord more on this subject. Several years ago I was at a promisekeepers meeting and they asked the question on 30 guys present how amny had looked at inappropriate contentography at some time in their life. 28 out of thirty said yes. 14 out of the thrity said they were currently struggling with some form of inappropriate content or lustful fantasy. This was a group of all church going christian men.

Lust is by no means a small problem for men. I guess that pushing the particular issue of nudity on tv makes some defensive. But if that promisekeepers meeting was any indication, there are many reading this thread who if honest will admit they struggle with lust.

I reccomend a book by Larry Crabb called "The silence of Adam". The title comes from the fact that Adam was present when the serpent tempted Eve but remained silent during the whole thing. It encourages men to step up and take the lead on issues like the one discussed in this thread rather than leaving it to the women to face the hard issues while men remain silent.

Your issue is not a woman versus man issue. It only becomes that when men remain silent in the face of temptation instead of taking a stand for their families and their God against such things.

I will pray for you and your husband. The last thing I want to do is get you more riled up. But I think there may be some deeper more general issues worth discussing. A more proactive discussion of what it means to be a man of God and a husband and father. It is not just the avoiding of certain questionable activities but the setting an example and inspiring those who may be even weaker than himself to live lives of purity. It really is a maturity issue.

 

[searle29678]

How do we know when it crosses the line between watching tv and lusting after this woman, if that is what is running through the mind of the man at all?

 

[Yitzchak]

How do we know when it crosses the line between watching tv and lusting after this woman, if that is what is running through the mind of the man at all?

You can't know 100% what another is thinking or intending. That is why it is so crucial to have completely honest communication. I think that the solution is in having a mutual goal of setting boundaries around the marriage to protect the marriage realtionship. What details those boundaries involve differs from person to person. There are times in marriage when a boundary needs to be set even though the intentions are good. For example, even though my intentions are good, I would not spend the night sleeping on a single womans couch and expect my wife to just understand that my motives were pure and nothing happened. I have more respect for my wife than that.

It can also involve much more than lust. It involves intruding mother-in-laws , busy bodies and gossip and the wife seeking counsel from other women rather than communicating with her husband. It is always easier to take the immature way out and just go with the flow of what feels good and easy.

In gambling , they say that the odds favor the house. If I was placing bets on whether men watching nudity on tv are lusting. I might lose a few bets because there are exceptions to everything. But I think I would come out ahead by placing money on the lust winning out.