Always has an episode on Halloween!

[waving_palm_branches]

I don't really like talking about my husband's bipolar with people outside of friends or family, but sometimes friends and family don't completely understand. It's always the same though. When he's not displaying symtoms and doing really well, it's like the calm before the storm. We had been doing really well this month. No manic episodes that I could catch onto at least, though maybe a little stress from his classes at the university. He had even started coming back around my parents after a major falling out with them after our daughter was born. I had been beaming all week.

Anyway, Halloween rolls around and I had even considered not having the bonfire we had planned, mainly because we were so busy. Our daughter's first Trunk or Treat at the Church, My neice had her birthday, a family friend had invited us over for dinner. Anyway, we went through with doing it, and I told my husband if he wanted to lay low and not come down to the bonfire it was fine. He had a paper due within the next week and so he felt he really needed to buckle down. Well, he ended up coming down there anyway.

He was fine at first. Laughing, smiling, cracking jokes with our friends and my parents. My mom had volunteered to watch the baby when it was time for her to go to bed, so we could spend time with our friends. Then boom it hits him. He doesn't want to kiss me or hug me. When he decides to turn in for the night he doesn't want to say I love you. Then he goes into the same speech everytime he has an episode. We are just too different, we don't get along, we have different lifeviews, it'll just make me resent you.

He ALWAYS goes manic on halloween. No matter what is said, what is done, how late or early we get home, he ALWAYS goes manic on Halloween. I actually almost fooled myself into thinking it would be different this year. Anyway, when he noticed me kinda starting to respond to these negative things he was saying, he kinda backed off, like he feared I was going to leave him or something. I had to take one of our friends home since she can't drive. He was texting me to make sure I was safe.

Anyway, from a bipolar pov or not, I'd really like to know. What could be the reasoning for him always going manic on Halloween and why always that same speech when he goes manic. I mean he says the speech but acts as though he regrets it later of course, even sometimes seconds after he says it.

Nothing bad happened during our relationship on Halloween, he just always goes manic and we've been married going on 2 and a half years.

 

[madison1101]

Well, I won't begin to guess why your husband had an episode on Halloween. My question would be, does he have episodes at other intense family/fun times, like other holidays, or large get togethers? Sometimes, I can't handle a lot of social stimulation, and must be on guard for them. Just like, being around my Mother is a huge trigger, and I can't be around her for long times. It may not be the day, but the people that your husband is reacting to. That would be something he would need to discuss with his doctor and therapist.

As for the things he said to you about your marriage, it may be a good idea to get into marital therapy together to help you learn to cope with his episodes, and for him to learn better coping skills to deal with his feelings when things happen that stress him.

 

[waving_palm_branches]

Well, I won't begin to guess why your husband had an episode on Halloween. My question would be, does he have episodes at other intense family/fun times, like other holidays, or large get togethers? Sometimes, I can't handle a lot of social stimulation, and must be on guard for them. Just like, being around my Mother is a huge trigger, and I can't be around her for long times. It may not be the day, but the people that your husband is reacting to. That would be something he would need to discuss with his doctor and therapist.

As for the things he said to you about your marriage, it may be a good idea to get into marital therapy together to help you learn to cope with his episodes, and for him to learn better coping skills to deal with his feelings when things happen that stress him.

I don't know if I'd say we'd need to go as far as therapy at least therapy outside of our priest because well, I know him well enough to know he doesn't mean the things he says, I just am not completely sure what triggers him to say these particular things. I have a book about when your partner is bipolar and effective ways to handle the disorder for both parties and it has helped a lot and everything said within the book I can pretty much relate to. Other people seem to have the same trends as him, though there may be certain differences to fit who they are as an indiviual of course. Still, alot is said by the person with bipolar while in an episode that they do not mean, alot of times in order to protect themselves from an imagined hurt they feel is going to take place.

I find my husband is very paranoid within his episodes and I think it is the fear of losing me, but I am in this for life. It's like he knows this outside of the episodes but not within the episodes. Of course like they say in the book, it's not your partner talking but the disorder.

 

[SinkingShip]

I'd also recommend taking a closer look at his responses to other social situations. As Madison said, large social gatherings, exposure to certain people, etc can trigger episodes.

Regarding what he says each time, it might be worthwhile for him at least to discuss this with a professional therapist. If he's focused on the same theme each episode, there may be something weighing on him that he's not even aware of, but is expressed during episodes (like dirt on a record that causes it to loop continuously when the recrod player is turned on).

Even if he does believe its purely the BiPolar talking, it may be worth taking closer look at. Just because an illness announces its presence through a fever doesn't mean you should stop taking the patient's temperature.

 

[Girlee]

I very much commend you for understanding that it's just the bipolar talking--not him. He gets into a depression, and manages to convince himself that you are going to leave him (nothing you have done--it's the disorder plain and simple). Then, to avoid getting hurt, he tries to push you away. Then, regrets it, because he loves you very much, and very much wants you to stay. (yes, i'm speaking from my own very similar experiences).

As far as him having an episode every Halloween, you need to back up a bit. Forget that it is Halloween, and look at the specifics of it. Is there something you do on Halloween that you don't ever do any other time, but yet have done each Halloween? Or is there something that is done on Halloween that maybe he has had a reaction to on other occasions? I'm with above posters--high energy tends to set me off. Groups of people, lots of noise, things like that. Are there fireworks or other types of noisemakers? It could even be the bonfire itself. Have you ever been to a bonfire with him when it was not Halloween?
If he is willing to help, maybe, when he is in a relatively normal state, you two can sit down any try to poinpoint exactly when the feelings started. Or at least close. That might give you a good idea.

 

[madison1101]

I don't know if I'd say we'd need to go as far as therapy at least therapy outside of our priest because well, I know him well enough to know he doesn't mean the things he says, I just am not completely sure what triggers him to say these particular things. I have a book about when your partner is bipolar and effective ways to handle the disorder for both parties and it has helped a lot and everything said within the book I can pretty much relate to. Other people seem to have the same trends as him, though there may be certain differences to fit who they are as an indiviual of course. Still, alot is said by the person with bipolar while in an episode that they do not mean, alot of times in order to protect themselves from an imagined hurt they feel is going to take place.

I find my husband is very paranoid within his episodes and I think it is the fear of losing me, but I am in this for life. It's like he knows this outside of the episodes but not within the episodes. Of course like they say in the book, it's not your partner talking but the disorder.

I am not sure why a priest would be a better person to help in marital counseling. Most are not well trained to deal with people with serious mental illnesses. Marital therapy helps when one person in the marriage has a mental illness and the other person does not. Only a licensed therapist is qualified to work with the seriously mentally ill. My ex and I spent many years in marital therapy, where I learned appropriate communication strategies, and he learned them as well.

 

[waving_palm_branches]

I'd also recommend taking a closer look at his responses to other social situations. As Madison said, large social gatherings, exposure to certain people, etc can trigger episodes.

Regarding what he says each time, it might be worthwhile for him at least to discuss this with a professional therapist. If he's focused on the same theme each episode, there may be something weighing on him that he's not even aware of, but is expressed during episodes (like dirt on a record that causes it to loop continuously when the recrod player is turned on).

Even if he does believe its purely the BiPolar talking, it may be worth taking closer look at. Just because an illness announces its presence through a fever doesn't mean you should stop taking the patient's temperature.

My husband has a sort of "checkered" past I guess you can say, he was a little wild before we met and I think because of this past he feels he doesn't deserve me. I know he loves me very much. I think that is the issue though, he thinks he doesn't deserve someone like me, which I have explained I have made mistakes I regret very much too, but I think this thought process comes out a lot during the episodes. I was just sitting thinking about it and it kind of hit me finally, where this is all coming from. The episodes make those thoughts come out. Maybe there is a mistake he made on Halloween as well that he regrets very much and it causes flash backs.

 

[thunderbyrd]

i have just recently come to grips with the fact that i am bipolar type 2, so i am not an expert on the subject BUT i do know to some degree how things go with me and i would guess that your husband's manic episode has to do with the time of the year. there is something about autumn that can cause a crash, no doubt.

it's very possible (it seems to me) that halloween is the day when he realizes that winter is nearly here, this year is nearly gone and this knowledge makes him unhappy at a deep level. it seems to affect me that way. if this only happens once a year and he gets over it fairly quick, i would be grateful.

" Maybe there is a mistake he made on Halloween as well that he regrets very much and it causes flash backs. "

yes, this, i think, is very possible. i have the same sort of reaction in spring sometimes, because of something that happened many years ago. the good news is that it gets somewhat better as the years go on.

 

[kericson]

My husband is bipolar as well. Don't be afraid of therapists- they are a great help. My husband had been to a few suicide prevention places and they kept saying he's just depressed and giving him meds. Then he had a major episode which involved my calling the police and paramedics. This time I demanded he get professional help. They were able to get his medications straightened out but my husband still had problems with thoughts like mis-interpreting people's actions and not being able to distinguish between what he thought was wrong and what was really going on. He went to a therapist for a few years who supports Christianity and loves it when people have faith. The therapist helped him journal and talked to him quite a bit. I stayed out of it because I wanted my husband to be free to say whatever he needed to say. I gave him permission to be angry (he was afraid of his own emotions at first) and say whatever he wanted to about me- just asked he not tell me what he said... :o It really totally helped along with the medication. He and the therapist agreed he doesn't need to come back regularly now but he can come anytime he needs to. Got my hubby back and I love him more now than ever!

 

[kericson]

We've never done marriage counseling but it might be a good idea now that things are better for my husband. I knew that working on our marriage before he had a chance to feel whole wouldn't be very effective. Thanks for sharing you guys. Glad I found this forum.

 

[kericson]

I walked away and was praying and remembered a few minor episodes with my husband. One a few weeks ago where he spent a great deal of money on his PC- I'm a programmer and knew how to fix it but he got on this roll and just kept going and I couldn't stop him. Another where he sat in the car and honked the horn until I came out. I was able to talk it through with him immediately with the horn and he apologized. But didn't know how to stop the spending... Is this how a marriage counselor would help? I could learn better how to redirect him when he needs it? Ask if he's taken his meds without offending him? Or are these things I should just accept?

 

[Girlee]

I walked away and was praying and remembered a few minor episodes with my husband. One a few weeks ago where he spent a great deal of money on his PC- I'm a programmer and knew how to fix it but he got on this roll and just kept going and I couldn't stop him. Another where he sat in the car and honked the horn until I came out. I was able to talk it through with him immediately with the horn and he apologized. But didn't know how to stop the spending... Is this how a marriage counselor would help? I could learn better how to redirect him when he needs it? Ask if he's taken his meds without offending him? Or are these things I should just accept?

oh, boy, spending money. classic bipolar. I'd be very much better off finanically right now if it wasn't for that!!

Personally, I don't think it's a marriage counselor you need--I think it's a regular psychologist trained in bipolar. Does not sound to me like you are having regular marital problems--you are having bipolar problems. Coping with normal marital issues vs coping with bipolar caused marital issues can be two vastly different routes to take.
What kinds of redirecting/coping mechanisms are you using now, if I may ask? Personally, I do good when I have something to focus on--something I like to focus on. I keep the television on just about all the time, even when sleeping. It helps my dreams as well--I tend to have terrible nightmares. I actually sleep better when the television is on.
I've had times when i've just had to lay on the floor and grab onto something and hold it tight, or just curl up in a ball.

 

[kericson]

When he failed a test, he got got very depressed but not suicidal. I was afraid for him so I took him out walking. It was midnight and raining, I talked to him about how walking helps your thoughts not to go random but linear. It really helped. He loves TV as well- can sit in front of it for hours. As far as the honking- I just looked him in the eye and asked what he was doing... He kinda got that Uhhhh... look. But this is probably where a therapist could help us in that I'd come up with some better ideas, and he'd learn better ways to cope and control his behavior. He's a great guy and hasn't had a manic episode in awhile. But I need to learn he is bipolar and just because he's doing good doesn't mean he's cured.

Thanks for the encouragement!