Advice for my daughter?

[Wonderfully Made]

Hi again,

My 9-year-old daughter was diagnosed in August. She pulls out chunks of hair when she's extremely stressed out. This only happens at home, or when we're in the car - so I know she has some control over it. (I "think" it's a manipulation tactic to get her own way).

Does anyone have any advice? I was just diagnosed myself in February, but I never pulled my hair out, as a child. We're planning to take her back to an Occupational Therapist and her psychologist for meds - but I'm hoping someone can tell me what to do in the meantime? I bet these appointments will be delayed because of the holidays.

Thank you!

 

[Sabertooth]

That doesn't sound like the autism to me. That sounds like a co-morbid condition. My severely autistic son has co-morbid conditions that he has to take medications for, too.

A co-morbid condition is a mental illness that one has on top of their autism. Aspergers, alone, is a less-common, neurological variation, not a mental illness. More severe forms of autism have additional neurological deficiencies, but they are still organic, not psychological. Their is no medicine for autism.

Also, if you recognize deliverance ministry, don't be afraid to bring her. While autism, itself, does not appear to be demonic at its root, we are still susceptible to demonic oppression just as much as anyone else. (I, myself, have experienced deliverance from a number of things, but God has seen fit to leave my Aspergers in place. Deliverance, when called-for, is very much a relief.) No Aspie/autistic should be afraid of competent deliverance ministry. God will only drive away those things arising from the kingdom of darkness, not those things present by His design...!

 

[grandvizier1006]

Say, Sabertooth, what's all that about? Deliverance ministries? I don't think I need one right now, but I don't know much about how they'd work or what they could do for me...or even IF they work AT ALL. For clarification, I was raised in dull, realist Presbyterian churches, and only my eccentric grandmother has any beliefs remotely related to stuff like that, and she's basically the butt of our family jokes

 

[Odetta]

It may not be manipulation on her part. It may be that she waits until she is in safe places - home or in the car with you - to do her worse behavior. In other words, in public she can hold it together, but she can only do so (i.e., control it) for so long, so she releases her anxiety through this kind of behavior in safe places (because she can't control it forever). My son has different behaviors, but does the same thing of being able to keep his cool at school, and not so much at home. Anxiety is kind of a by-product of autism anyway, but it could be there is an anxiety disorder on top of the autism diagnosis. In the case of our son, we do medication as well, and it helps.

The only deliverance ministries I've been exposed to are ones that tell you if you are not delivered from X it's because of sin in your life, not because God has ordained it. Not exactly helpful if God does not remove the thorn. I'm not of a denomination that has formal deliverance ministries, either. We just pray, singly and in groups. A prayer ministry keeps a list of prayer requests, and members of the ministry pray for them. Our church also publishes the list (for those who don't mind their request(s) be made public) to the general congregation so whoever can also pray. That's as formal as we get. And it still effective.

Anyway, back to your issue, Bill Nason has two books and a Facebook page called Autism Discussion Page. He often talks about how to deal with autism anxiety. He may be a good resource for you.

 

[grandvizier1006]

The only deliverance ministries I've been exposed to are ones that tell you if you are not delivered from X it's because of sin in your life, not because God has ordained it. Not exactly helpful if God does not remove the thorn.

That is a big issue, Odetta. I wouldn't know much about deliverance ministries so I don't know if it would work for the OP's daughter

And to the OP: It's a good sign that your daughter is able to control her anxiety in private. There's nothing wrong with freaking out in private, it's just in public that it's bad. Even though you might not like it, just let her realize that she can freak out in front of you. My parents never did that with me, chastising me for "acting like a two-year-old" when I had a meltdown. To be fair, though, I was letting the stress get to me sometimes :o

Since you obviously don't want her pulling out her hair, give her something like a stress ball to squeeze when she has some anxiety issues at school so that she can get her frustration and anxiety out of her system subtly. It worked for me, since before I was just breaking pencils

 

[Sabertooth]

Say, Sabertooth, what's all that about? Deliverance ministries...?

PM sent.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Message received

 

[Wonderfully Made]

Thank you for the advice!

Is it somewhat common for children to also damage things? I can understand her self-injury behavior, but the hair-pulling, and kicking at/ripping/destroying things is new to me. We know now that the playing on the monkey bars make her feel better after a violent meltdown, but I have no clue how to prevent them (she cannot always be on the monkey bars!). And I can't find a children's Psychiatrist for anxiety meds.

 

[grandvizier1006]

I've heard of self-harm being fairly common in people with ASDs, but I never did any of that sort of thing. Most likely your daughter is just angry about something and needs a productive way to vent. Playing on monkey bars sounds reasonable so long as she doesn't deliberately injure herself on them. Plus I thought that people on the autism spectrum were supposed to be a bit un-coordinated, and I would imagine that that would take a lot of coordination and spatial memory to do.

But your daughter wanting to mess something up to vent out her anger is understandable. Try helping her when she gets mad by asking what exactly she feels and how exactly she feels about it. Walk her through her feelings and make her realize what it is about a situation that makes her so upset. Ask her to describe how she knows she's mad--she probably already knows without having to tell you, but sometimes people with ASDs can get emotional simply because we don't quite know how much emotion "needs" to be expressed.

If you can't get a squeeze ball that she can squeeze to release stress without actually damaging the object, help her find ways to calm down. Encourage her to imagine some serene setting, take a deep breath, or associate her anger with something positive. If all else fails, try working with teachers (hopefully they'll be understanding) to arrange something where your daughter can "take a break" from a class for a little bit if it gets very severe. Thankfully, there are plenty of resources to help with this stuff nowadays, but I'd only suggest them if you absolutely need them.

 

[dayhiker]

I don't know much about these things, my AS was mild. Tho I do pull out my eye lashes sometimes. When I was your daughters age I used to pull out most of them.

I think some of that will pass as she learns other techniques for controlling her anxiety.
I'm thinking one thing that might help her is getting into her body. So going for a walk.running, physical exercises, breathing exercises, playing a physical game like tag. Getting into ones body gets our mind off of all the stuff we think about and go over and over. So get her active, its also healthy from a physical point of view, buts calories and any adrenaline that is building up from the anxiety that isn't being burned off while sitting so much.
There are whole somatic therapies built around this stuff that are designed to deal with trauma. But I'm finding getting physical is so helpful. Even a massage can get us into our body and out of our mind.

 

[Odetta]

My son does break things when he's in a meltdown, if he's not self-harming. Also, we have had trouble finding a psychiatrist that takes children that is also on our insurance, so our pediatrician does the medication.

 

[gerbilwoman]

It could be a form of stimming, meaning she is doing it to calm herself down. Can you give her stress balls or something else to use to help her calm down? Maybe soft ribbons to flap and twirl? Something with a nice texture, although what a nice texture is can vary from person to person. Good luck!