About counseling?

[MERCY@GRACE]

I was just thinking about something....now my toe hurts...anyway do you think MB(Message board) couseling is just as good as Real life counseling?

Before you go and say NO right away. Think about the boards you frequent, think about the advice you give and the advice others give. None of us here (i don't think) are certified bonafied counselors, but I've read some pretty good advice here and other places. Haven't you ever seen the person seeking get answers...... or a moment of clarity over the advice given? If you go to a counselor, you are just getting ONE mans op/advice, but on MB you have more variety and alot to chew on! Are there things that you would rather not share, unless there was certain anonymity involved?

Realize I'm posing this question in a 'devils advocate' type way, but do you see any validity to what I'm saying. Heck...if ppl can find their mate on the internet, why is it not possible to find counseling(sufficient) on the net??

 

[Mom to 5]

possible, but not very likely. Too easy for people to skirt around the issues. Face to face is best I think. When you can hide behind the computer it "can" be hard to get to the real issues. I am not saying it is not possible. I know I have recieved a lot of help from this and other boards. however I have also been blasted for giving advice that people asked for in the first place. So it is kind of a help and a hinderance, cause some of the things said were very hurtful to me (btw, through PM's and reps, I was also edified about same situation) So if you are able to weed through the good and the bad then you certainly can benefit from these boards just like you can in a councelors office.

 

[snarfywarning]

Yeah. I am with Mom. You have to take everything you red on the message baord with a grain of salt, esspessily if you are skirting around the real issue for some reason. Unfortunaley, that happens a lot here on this board, but I have benifited TONS from this boar,d nd I am not even having any real big marital problems, I just have taken advice from people in situatiosn similar to mine and applied them to our marriage and it seems tobe working great for my h usband and I.

 

[MERCY@GRACE]

COuld you list some pro's and con's of seeing a real life conselor?

I admit I am a private person when it comes to familial matters. I think I share more on the world wide web than I do in real life. It may be due to the fact that certain boards bring out certain discussions where as RL, ya can just talk about anything.

Example there are just some things I Wouldn't be able to talk to a stranger or pastor about. I couldn't see talking about sexual probs w/ a pastor, or physical abuse-those are to me....very embarrasing topics (not that I'm dealing w/ any of these) BUT you better believe I could get over it-if that was my LAST ditch effort to save our marriage!

 

[InTheFlame]

• RL counsellors have training in counselling & communication techniques. IMO this is very important, especially when it comes to areas that they might be sensitive... they should know not to make assumptions or show much emotion.
• they go into more detail about a person's life & marriage... they should have many different methods of gaining information (body language, exercises like family tree charts, etc)
• they have an hour or so to _concentrate_ on the person/people involved
• they can mediate directly in a way that we can't (being there in person)
• they can observe a couple's physical interactions (body language, tone of voice, exact words spoken) and help them interact in a healthier way

 

[Leanna]

I was just thinking about something....now my toe hurts...anyway do you think MB(Message board) couseling is just as good as Real life counseling?

I guess it depends on what kind of counseling you are meaning. I have never been to a counselor who works with one person and gives advice. I don't know anything about that. But as far as marriage counseling, it isn't about getting good advice..... so no, no message board can replace marriage counseling. Maybe regular counseling for some people on some issues though.

 

[Leanna]

Example there are just some things I Wouldn't be able to talk to a stranger or pastor about. I couldn't see talking about sexual probs w/ a pastor, or physical abuse-those are to me....very embarrasing topics (not that I'm dealing w/ any of these) BUT you better believe I could get over it-if that was my LAST ditch effort to save our marriage!

Counselors don't talk about it outside of the room, it is against the privacy rules. I would never go to a pastor for several reasons but that's my personal opinion. If God ever tells you go to go to marriage counseling, or your husband wants you to, you should go and put aside any pride (sorry), its hard to do I know, it was hard for me, but if you want the best I think its worth it. I guess I view marriage counseling more as a way to get communication and open doors to things you can't talk about at home. You know those touchy subjects, you bring them up and it creates a fight? Yeah, those, good place to talk about those ickies is marriage counseling.

 

[bliz]

There is not comparison between rel life counseling by a qualified counselor/therapist and what happens on message boards. That is not to say that good advice is not available on message borads, but it is in a whole different catagory, and if often comes along with a whole lot of bad advice.

 

[gracefaith]

There is not comparison between rel life counseling by a qualified counselor/therapist and what happens on message boards. That is not to say that good advice is not available on message borads, but it is in a whole different catagory, and if often comes along with a whole lot of bad advice.

Yeah, that's what I figure too. I think the advice on a message board may be pretty good in the friend to friend advice sort of way which, to be honest, is all some people really need. Not everything requires major counseling. Sometimes a little feedback, encouragement and a slap on the back is all that's needed.

Keep in mind, not all professional counselors are great just because they have the title nor does their help amount to much if its not met with an open mind and heart.

 

[lourie]

I like message boards because i feel free to state how i feel when it comes up. when you go to a counseler you are always trying to remember what happen since the last time you had an appointment. I also like many different views from different people. a counseler is only one opinion so you many have to try several to find someone with experience in the problem you are having. And lets not forget the price of going to a counseler. $75.00 per hour here. i dont know about u guys but i cant afford that each week.

 

[ps34_18]

(Disclaimer: if anyone here has been to counselling and has experienced something difference from what I'm about to describe, I am only re-iterating what I've been taught in my social work courses at university.)

I would like to point out a major difference between RL counselling and MB "counselling". It involves a key word that many people use: "advice". Real-life counselling is not about giving someone advice, but rather it is about coming alongside them and empowering them to cope with various situations in their lives. It's not about giving people the answers they're looking for, but about helping them to find those answers on their own. IMO, MB counselling tends to take more the form of advice giving. People ask questions, and other people give answers in the form of advice. Not that this is a bad thing, although you do have to take the advice with a grain of salt as someone already said.

And again, as already stated, not all RL counsellors are good at what they do, nor do they all do their counselling in the way I just described. But it is my understanding that real, effective, permanant change-producing counselling, does not involve just giving advice.

Hope I haven't stepped on any toes with this...

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Definitely not the same thing.

 

[Yitzchak]

I think that there is a place for online counseling and it can be helpful. But I don' t think that it can replace real life counseling.

 

[God's daughter]

Then there is also the question of accountability. You are not really accountable to your friends on a message board--you can just stop coming online or avoid the topic, whereas with a counsellor you have someone to be 'accountable' to. Of course you can also just stop going to a counsellor but there is an element of commitment in the process that is not there in the advice you can get online.
That said, there is a lot of really good advice on this board. I'm learning so much!

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I've been on the internet a long time. In that time, I've read wonderful advice and not so wonderful advice. I've seen marriages blown apart as well. I remember one gal finding advice on a parenting-type site ended up falling 'in love' with one of the men giving the advice (one of the husband's of the ladies on that board) and they ran away together. Another website, this was just a year ago, another lady having marital problems was befriended by another very kindly gal on the site. Well, they met a few times and now the husband of the kindly lady is with the lady who had been having marital problems. I've seen too many other more minor problems crop up as well. Sometimes when we're upset, we cannot be as discerning as we once were.

So, I guess I see where the problems are as well and believe if you are having marital problems there is no substitute for a trained counselor or pastor and I believe couples therapy is the way to go.

I love the people that I meet online but, believe me, if something as serious as my marriage is in jeopardy, I'll be on knees praying and seeking some sort of counselling.

I think this was a wonderful question though.

God bless

 

[heartnsoul]

God works in mysterious ways sometimes. God can work through message boards AND real counselors. I don't think one is necessarily superior over another. It just depends on each person and whether a particular advice is helpful or not. I think there is both good and bad in real counselors as well as message boards. In other words, I see value in BOTH.

I think (as a society) sometimes we put too much value in a "title" or "status". God is our best counselor...yet he didn't get a degree in counseling, true?

The Spirit lives within all of us children of God, so sometimes God has a way of orchestrating people and situations so His Spirit and love can be shared with others. Even some of His disciples were not educated, but how many thousands of people did they positively impact regardless of their educational status?

As a body of Christ, we are all called to love another and help encourage one another to grow spiritually. Even the least of us can still make a significant difference in other people's lives. We are all one in Christ.