Does anyone have one parent or the other who just does not act like it? As in, emotionally distant, uninvolved, unloving, uncaring, abusive, ect?
It is my mom for me. This is something I have begun to realize more and more the past 6 months. I used to think it was normal until I went to college and started seeing other girls who had real mothers. Their mothers called them all the time, sent them packages in the mail, cared about them, cried for them, said "I love you". I can't IMAGINE my mom doing those things. I was always the child she did not like growing up and I have no good memories with her, after the age of about 5. Recently I was trying to put together a video for my parents anniversary in which each of us kids talked about the things we admired about their marriage and our favorite memory with each parent. Not one of my siblings could come up with any good memories of my mother. I tried to help them think of some but I ended up scrapping the project because it would have been very obvious that we only had good memories with our father.
So, lately some of the things that have been bothering me...I try to talk to my mom on occasion about my life, I mean even just in general, life, work, ect. She has absolutely no interest whatsoever in it. She tries to play it off like shes busy. She makes time to call my cousin and my other sister and talk to them for hours. She NEVER did that when I was away at college. When I used to call her she was busy, call back later. I'm not exaggerating when I say I probably had an actual conversation with her maybe 12-15 times in the 4 years I was away at school. She simply has no interest in my life or what is going on with me. She never expresses pride that I am the second person in our family to graduate from college, I've gone on to a good career, I'm financially responsible and independent. She's just never happy with me. Its all negative with her. I feel seriously emotionally abandoned and I see her doing this to my younger siblings as well. After the age of 4 or 5 there are NO hugs NO kisses, NO I love yous, just nothing. In the absence of that there is the NEGATIVE. Its always negative with her. Sorry this is so long, I guess I'm just venting. I just don't understand it. Last mother's day I spent an hour at the store looking for a card that "fit" and left empty handed.
I used to wish someone would "adopt" me and act like mothers are supposed to so I could see what its really like. My mom was never a mother to me.
How do you handle this? And how do you help younger siblings who are just beginning to experience it?
It is my mom for me. This is something I have begun to realize more and more the past 6 months. I used to think it was normal until I went to college and started seeing other girls who had real mothers. Their mothers called them all the time, sent them packages in the mail, cared about them, cried for them, said "I love you". I can't IMAGINE my mom doing those things. I was always the child she did not like growing up and I have no good memories with her, after the age of about 5. Recently I was trying to put together a video for my parents anniversary in which each of us kids talked about the things we admired about their marriage and our favorite memory with each parent. Not one of my siblings could come up with any good memories of my mother. I tried to help them think of some but I ended up scrapping the project because it would have been very obvious that we only had good memories with our father.
So, lately some of the things that have been bothering me...I try to talk to my mom on occasion about my life, I mean even just in general, life, work, ect. She has absolutely no interest whatsoever in it. She tries to play it off like shes busy. She makes time to call my cousin and my other sister and talk to them for hours. She NEVER did that when I was away at college. When I used to call her she was busy, call back later. I'm not exaggerating when I say I probably had an actual conversation with her maybe 12-15 times in the 4 years I was away at school. She simply has no interest in my life or what is going on with me. She never expresses pride that I am the second person in our family to graduate from college, I've gone on to a good career, I'm financially responsible and independent. She's just never happy with me. Its all negative with her. I feel seriously emotionally abandoned and I see her doing this to my younger siblings as well. After the age of 4 or 5 there are NO hugs NO kisses, NO I love yous, just nothing. In the absence of that there is the NEGATIVE. Its always negative with her. Sorry this is so long, I guess I'm just venting. I just don't understand it. Last mother's day I spent an hour at the store looking for a card that "fit" and left empty handed.
I used to wish someone would "adopt" me and act like mothers are supposed to so I could see what its really like. My mom was never a mother to me.
How do you handle this? And how do you help younger siblings who are just beginning to experience it?
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At 32, I put an offer on a home for myself and my two sons and when I called to celebrate with my parents (I was so excited!), I got questioned about the fact that I didn't ask them to see the house first before I made the offer - as if I was not capable of making a "grown up" decision like that on my own. Oy. I have worked hard to put up boundaries, though. 
