I've looked for God for ages. I don't know if I've done it properly. I give up easily. But I'm just terrified. It's the only reason why...if I weren't terrified of hell and punishment and death, I just wouldn't care about looking for God. If heaven was for everyone, I'd break God's Commandments and I probably wouldn't care. At least, I wouldn't be terrified of sinning, yet I always am. Is hating my life a sin? Because I do. Ever since I looked for God, things got worse. I was upset before, but it's just lots and lots of extra strain and being trapped and I just can't be free. I prayed. I read the Bible. But I can't force myself to believe or love. I've asked to be changed. But I haven't. I've been told to love God but I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF. I JUST CAN'T FORCE MYSELF TO LOVE. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. I've never seen God, I just can't DO it. :'( It's just my constant frustration and I'm just so fed up. It's not God's fault, it's mine, but I just sometimes can't help feeling abandoned. I asked for help from Christians but nearly all of them just stopped answering my mail. WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO?! :'(
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Kristen.NewCreation and FreeinChrist
:'(
- Thread starter winterbluebells
- Start date
Am I not chosen? Is there no hope for me? What about my family? I prayed for them too but nothing happens. ='( It's horrible. I have an 89 year old grandmother who I don't think is Christian yet I love her so much. She said to the photo "hello _____, look _________ (my mum) has come to visit you." She missed him so much. She often wonders if there's an afterlife and you can tell she wants there to be one. But I'm terrified she'll end up burning in hell and I just wish I could just not live in terror again. That if I do something God will punish me with a deep fear. Then I get terrified because I wonder if I'm even going in the right direction. How do I know Christianity is the right way? Why not Islam?
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I'm ashamed of letting people know about my looking for God. I don't want my family to know. I feel horrible, horrible, horrible but I can't CHANGE. :'/
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I've prayed to change but what do I do? Carry on? I've been doing it for ages though and I'm running out of patience. I'm only 13 and most prayer seems like a chore for me and so is looking for God. I'm so unhappy as well as this and I can't cope. :'/ There's so many other things in my life. I feel hideous. I know people say the inside is what counts and that's true but...maybe it's easier for the self-conscious people to understand. When you look ugly, it's not very nice when everyone else seems to look beautiful. :'/
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That's why I make friends with people online, because they can't see me as I can't communicate in rl because I'm so self-conscious. But even they don't want me anymore. :'/ They don't want me because I'm so horrible but I can't change. ;'/ I try hard with them. To be a good friend. Even if sometimes I feel like a total sociopath.
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Sometimes I get scared God will somehow show them what I look like. As punishment. I know that's not neccesarily true..
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There's more. My OCD. Scrupulosity. Makes me obsessed with if I'm sinning, gives me blasphemous thoughts. I feel scared because I just CAN'T tell anyone. Or about my depression. Haven't felt happy in like two years.
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BobW188
Growling Maverick
Winterblue, for now just accept that though you haven't found God, God has found you.
It sounds like, with OCD and depression, you've been given special burdens to carry. There's nothing un-Godly or un-Christian about getting help for them. Please do.
We Christians have a little story called "Footprints." Rather than quote it from beginning to end, I'll let you search it out. The simple word "footprints" should get you to it quickly.
Hard as it is to believe, at this very time in your life when you feel lost and alone, you are safe in the arms of Jesus. You've asked; someday you'll be given. You're seeking, someday you'll find.
It sounds like, with OCD and depression, you've been given special burdens to carry. There's nothing un-Godly or un-Christian about getting help for them. Please do.
We Christians have a little story called "Footprints." Rather than quote it from beginning to end, I'll let you search it out. The simple word "footprints" should get you to it quickly.
Hard as it is to believe, at this very time in your life when you feel lost and alone, you are safe in the arms of Jesus. You've asked; someday you'll be given. You're seeking, someday you'll find.
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I've heard that story before 
But I can't anyway, because I...I don't even know why exactly, I just can't tell anyone.
:s
But I can't anyway, because I...I don't even know why exactly, I just can't tell anyone.
:s
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Sweetie, please, stop trying so hard.
God loves you. Whatever you do or don't do He will always love you.
You say you can't love Him.. but love isn't a warm feeling, sweetie, it is action and commitment. I often feel as though God is a million miles away... but my feelings, your feelings, don't change the truth.
We love Him by trying to obey Him, whatever we feel.
We love Him by reaching out to others who are hurting, even when we don't feel like doing so.
We love Him by continuing to pray and read His word even when our faith seems weak.
And He loves us, whatever we are feeling, whatever we have done or not done.
he isn't punishing you, sweetie, and He isnt looking for a reason to reject you, He loves and accepts you.
God loves you. Whatever you do or don't do He will always love you.
You say you can't love Him.. but love isn't a warm feeling, sweetie, it is action and commitment. I often feel as though God is a million miles away... but my feelings, your feelings, don't change the truth.
We love Him by trying to obey Him, whatever we feel.
We love Him by reaching out to others who are hurting, even when we don't feel like doing so.
We love Him by continuing to pray and read His word even when our faith seems weak.
And He loves us, whatever we are feeling, whatever we have done or not done.
he isn't punishing you, sweetie, and He isnt looking for a reason to reject you, He loves and accepts you.
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My family would be all serious and worried and it would be horrible. I don't really want their pity..
But I feel like I'm back where I started - started wondering whether Islam was right and not Christianity - how am I meant to know?
But I feel like I'm back where I started - started wondering whether Islam was right and not Christianity - how am I meant to know?
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BobW188
Growling Maverick
In one sense, you're not meant to know; but to have faith. God won't force you to believe. And he knows you're at an age where you start thinking of questions like that.
You're right, it'll probably be a scene. At first! And, yes, at first there may be some pity. But that stuff usually passes pretty quickly.
If I've got this right, you haven't yet been diagnosed with depression and OCD, but you do see them in yourself. OK, I'm going to assume you're right. That means there's help; but to get that help you've got to ask for it. Unfortunately, at your age that means telling your folks.
And because of how you think they'll react, you're afraid. So now you've got three problems! OCD, depression and fear. And that is feeding into the other two and making them worse!
Sometimes, fear is something to run away from; but I think this is a time you have to face it. Believe me, there's times in my life I've had to. It's not going to be easy; but if you tell your folks, you're going to feel like a hundred pound weight has been taken off your back. And you'll at least have a chance at getting the help you know you need.
Think about it, Winterblue. God wants each of us to become unique persons; and for each of us that means meeting certain challenges. I think yours, right now, is fear. Give it some thought and some prayer.
You're right, it'll probably be a scene. At first! And, yes, at first there may be some pity. But that stuff usually passes pretty quickly.
If I've got this right, you haven't yet been diagnosed with depression and OCD, but you do see them in yourself. OK, I'm going to assume you're right. That means there's help; but to get that help you've got to ask for it. Unfortunately, at your age that means telling your folks.
And because of how you think they'll react, you're afraid. So now you've got three problems! OCD, depression and fear. And that is feeding into the other two and making them worse!
Sometimes, fear is something to run away from; but I think this is a time you have to face it. Believe me, there's times in my life I've had to. It's not going to be easy; but if you tell your folks, you're going to feel like a hundred pound weight has been taken off your back. And you'll at least have a chance at getting the help you know you need.
Think about it, Winterblue. God wants each of us to become unique persons; and for each of us that means meeting certain challenges. I think yours, right now, is fear. Give it some thought and some prayer.
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If you are scared of God then you have been given another gospel, so its no surprise you are struggling. Fear and love just don't mix.
If that has been your teaching background then you won't have been given much that gives you a reasonable basis for belief.
Sadly that is the story of far too many. It comes from a pseudo Christianity that, especially in sections of America, is very widespread. Some of the answers you have received evidence that inadequate basis. There is so much more if only you can find someone to patiently give you a better set of beliefs on much firmer grounds.
John
NZ
If that has been your teaching background then you won't have been given much that gives you a reasonable basis for belief.
Sadly that is the story of far too many. It comes from a pseudo Christianity that, especially in sections of America, is very widespread. Some of the answers you have received evidence that inadequate basis. There is so much more if only you can find someone to patiently give you a better set of beliefs on much firmer grounds.
John
NZ
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Hey winterbluebells
Christianity is the way to go. I don't just believe it - I know it. God's love for you is richer and deeper than all the nations of the world can fully comprehend. Remember, God's Spirit is with you, He will guide you and lead you - even if you don't realise it. You are safe - because of God's intense love for you. You'll get there, where God wants you - you'll see.
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Mm, but I'm not a strong enough person to do so. Tell them, that is. I want to keep up my strong image, and that's why I don't tell them, which doesn't make me strong - if that makes sense. I can't tell them, they might not even believe me because I've been hiding behind a smile for so long. Sometimes my symptoms show though because my brother has commented a few times on my 'strange actions' and he once said something about OCD. My mum has asked me if I'm depressed befor but I've lied. I know I shoudn't have. I said I was sure. Because if there was one family member I had to tell, it would be my mum. But having my brother or dad know would be awful and she wouldn't keep it secret from them. I don't really like discussing anything "serious" with them, because I'm not very good at serious with them. Which is why, and I know it's awful, I'm also ashamed of talking about God.
Andreha, it's not that I don't trust you, but there are muslims who "know" Islam is right. It's hard to tell who knows and who think they know. :s
Andreha, it's not that I don't trust you, but there are muslims who "know" Islam is right. It's hard to tell who knows and who think they know. :s
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BobW188
Growling Maverick
Speaking from my own experience, (and if you check out my age, you'll see I've had a little), I think it's more that you don't think you're strong enough.
There are all sorts of things we think we're not strong enough to do: until we find ourselves in a situation where we absolutely have to do them. Then we surprise ourselves.
Check it out. Your brother and your mother haven't made their comments because they pity you; but because they love you, are worried about you and want to help you. Don't be in such a hurry to answer with a smile and that "let's pretend" strength.
There's a time and a place for that. Ask cops, firefighters and soldiers. There's a time and place to be calm and rock-solid on the outside while you shiver and shake on the inside. I don't think this is one of them.
Wnterblue, I think you know in your heart that if you don't speak up, things are going to get worse and everybody will know anyway. You might as well act while you have some control of the situation,
Again, give this some thought and prayer.
There are all sorts of things we think we're not strong enough to do: until we find ourselves in a situation where we absolutely have to do them. Then we surprise ourselves.
Check it out. Your brother and your mother haven't made their comments because they pity you; but because they love you, are worried about you and want to help you. Don't be in such a hurry to answer with a smile and that "let's pretend" strength.
There's a time and a place for that. Ask cops, firefighters and soldiers. There's a time and place to be calm and rock-solid on the outside while you shiver and shake on the inside. I don't think this is one of them.
Wnterblue, I think you know in your heart that if you don't speak up, things are going to get worse and everybody will know anyway. You might as well act while you have some control of the situation,
Again, give this some thought and prayer.
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