6 year old with an attitude

[Jillian1527]

I love my little girls to bits. But latly my oldest has gotten such an attitude and a smart mouth too. She started Kindergarden this year and has been hanging out with a little girl that I dont much care for because she is loud and not very well behaved. She is to young to be giving me problems with attitude now. and if I am having problems with this now what in the world will the teen years be like.
I dont know how to handle this behaviour. I have tried talking to her asking her if something is bothering her. I have tried punishing her when she acts this way by sending her to her room and her response is "fine, I will stay in here forever"
and she acts like she just doesnt care.
what would you do? have you been in this position before?
thanks in advance,
Jillian

 

[Tangnefedd]

Poor you! My middle daughter was born with MEGA ATTITUDE, LOL!!!! She had a little friend who was spoilt rotten, and my daughter's behaviour was worse if she had been playing with this little girl.

As your daughter is only six have you thought of a star chart? If she behaves well during the day she gets to stick a gold star on the chart before she goes to bed. Seven gold stars in a row and she gets a small treat. Give her plenty of praise when she is helpful and compliant. We all need praise, don't we!

It does get better eventually. My daughter is 30 now, a wonderful girl, and coping with her two year old son who has a very strong personality and is very bright!!!

 

[Crofter]

A child is never too young to have attitude! You have been very fortunate!

You must remember that your daughter is growing up. When they are at school they are developing their social understanding... this is very very complicated because children do not follow the same social structure of adults and often learn the hard way... we can encourage them and comfort them etc.. through the pains of the relationships they establish over the years. When she is 12 you might not even know who her friends are so this is the beginning of trust now in your daughters growth in her wisdom in the friendships she chooses.

She could also be increasingly tired because there is so much learning going on for here all the time and so much trying to make sense of what she learns.

How to deal with this is individual... to her reply..'fine I will stay there forever' I would say' If that is how long it takes then that is a shame because I will sure miss you so much!'

She needs to know the reason you discipline her is because you do care.

We used a huge assortment of imaginative behaviour systems with my daughter because we had to. We used reward systems. One was a boy with balloons and each time my daughter was good she could colour in a balloon. For poor behaviour she had to 'pop' a balloon. Later we used a chart. When she was naughty she drew a sad face on a chart... and a happy face on another for every good action...like a smile or hanging up her coat... so of course there were vastly more happy faces. At the end of the week we subtracted the sad faces and counted up the happy faces.... depending on the number she could choose out of a selection of rewards from a trip out, swimming, a sweet, a book, a pencil etc... etc...

 

[Crofter]

Oh... just another tip... go with your instincts on other children...

...my son was very close to a boy at the same age and this boy had issues... he seemed the most spoilt kid in the world. He was loud and whatever my son did or had this boy had it 100xs better... so this undermined my sons confidence so much that we did decide to move school. I then discovered this boy was so unloved and neglected... the more he spent time with our family I guess the more he realised how poor his lot was in life so maybe it was us who undermined this boy's confidence. Funny old world.

This boy was also living in a violent home... my son did stay there a few times but I increasingly felt something wasn't quite right so we then just had the kid in our house or just let him go there for a few hours. It is tricky getting the right balance sometimes...so try to find out what is going on with this other child if your gut instinct is to be really worried about it.

 

[Tangnefedd]

I remember when my sisters and myself were young, we would threaten to leave home if our mother was mad at us. Mum always responded with, "I shall help you to pack your bags"! This usually took the wind out of our sails, LOL!!! Living on a small island 9x5 miles, we could not have got very far anyway.

 

[HeatherJay]

I have a 5 year old and an almost 3 year old...BOTH with attitude. You're definitely not alone. They get upset and storm off to their room. LOL, it's very hard not to laugh at their drama-queen performances sometimes.

We have a little board book called the Runaway Bunny (it's very popular, in the same set as Goodnight Moon...you guys probably all have read it). Anyway, the book is about a pouty little bunny who decides he's going to run away...but no matter where he decides to run to, the mommy bunny tells him how she'll always find him. It's the sweetest book, and in the end, the little bunny decides it's pointless to run away and that he might as well just stay at home with mommy bunny. Mother Bunny smiles and says, "Have a carrot."

It's a story that we've read together over and over and over...they've both memorized it. So every time my girls get in a pouty mood, then I just give them a look and say, "Have a carrot." That's usually all it takes to give them the giggles and get them over the attitude...for the moment anyway.

I can handle pouting, whining, and a bit of attitude...but I will not tolerate rudeness, and my girls know this. Rudeness and back talk is what earns a punishment...I can deal with theatrics as long as they're respectful. I spank my kids, and rudeness is one thing that earns a spanking, simple as that. Sounds as though you might need to find an alternative punishment to sending her to her room. Try taking away a privilidge (sp?) or giving her an extra chore or canceling a play date. I mean, you've got to hit 'em where it hurts, so to speak. Sounds like she's trying to turn being banished to her room into more of a punishment for you than it is for her. Whatever you do, be consistent. Just make it very clear that even though her friend may behave badly, it won't be tolerated in your house.

I'm rambling, I think, but my point is basically accept the fact that she's going to have attitude (most kids have it), but don't accept rudeness.

Love, Heather

 

[Crofter]

Rudeness and back talk is what earns a punishment

Yep... too right! As they grow older too it's easier for the punishment to fit the crime. So take this week... my daughter was rude to me because ( despite my policy that if they want something for school they must tell me friday night ) her sport shorts wern't ironed for school cos she never asked for them. So she was rude about it! So now less ironing for me to do!

 

[BeanMak]

Interesting fact... there is a hormone surge at age 6 that is similar to the BIGGER surge of puberty

 

[Mary_Magdalene]

i have washed out my kids mouths a few times. mostly they get spankings though. im done using time outs!

 

[ever]

My six year old daughter started kindergaten this year too, and boy she has picked up some nasty habits from school. Plus she is a little drama queen and that makes it worse. I give her time outs mostly, and I used to just give her a flat amount of time but now I and add a minute everytime she counters my discipline, whether she protests, or just talks and that seems to be a lot more effective.

 

[Evening Mist]

I do quite a bit of role playing with my kids. When they phrase something rudely, I stop them and make suggestion for how they might rephrase their question or comment. I am unwilling to continue the conversation until they speak appropriately. I practise with the 3 yo, and have him repeat what I say so as to learn polite ways of rephrasing. With the 7 yo -- "attitude" is rare, and I respond with, "UH -- excuse me? You wanna say that a different way please?" He *always* blushes and then quickly rephrases.

I also *do* pay a good bit of attention to who they spend time with and what they are exposed to. It makes a huge difference. I don't forbid them from playing with certain friends, but if I'm uncomfortable with another child's demeanor or behavior, then I ask that their playtimes occur under my supervision. I take the same approach with other people's children that I do my own -- "Can you please say that again in a nicer way?" Otherwise, "No, I'm sorry -- but I will not be spoken to that way. We can talk more whenever you are ready to speak politely."

 

[pmcleanj]

I do quite a bit of role playing with my kids. When they phrase something rudely, I stop them and make suggestion for how they might rephrase their question or comment. I am unwilling to continue the conversation until they speak appropriately. I practise with the 3 yo, and have him repeat what I say so as to learn polite ways of rephrasing. With the 7 yo -- "attitude" is rare, and I respond with, "UH -- excuse me? You wanna say that a different way please?" He *always* blushes and then quickly rephrases.

I also *do* pay a good bit of attention to who they spend time with and what they are exposed to. It makes a huge difference. I don't forbid them from playing with certain friends, but if I'm uncomfortable with another child's demeanor or behavior, then I ask that their playtimes occur under my supervision. I take the same approach with other people's children that I do my own -- "Can you please say that again in a nicer way?" Otherwise, "No, I'm sorry -- but I will not be spoken to that way. We can talk more whenever you are ready to speak politely."

I love these positive coaching techniques. It's so much more effective to show children how they *should* behave, than to punish them for behaving in a way they shouldn't. In sports and art we always tell our children "practice makes perfect". When we punish for wrong behaviour, we've just allowed them to "practice" the wrong behaviour, but never given them the opposite reinforcement of practicing right behaviour. Your method is so much wiser!

 

[Celticflower]

Well, my kids were not a problem as far as attitude (when they were little that is. Heads up to some of you--the terrible 2's return at age 12, but they are worse!)

That said, a couple of friends have had problems. One turns to the Bible-she has passages marked for every occasion--and reads to her kids. Another used a bag of pennies. Each child got 10 pennies at the start of the day. Bad behavior meant they had to pay Mom. Be mean to a sib and you had to pay THEM. At the end of the day any pennies left went into the kids' banks. If a child went in the hole they would have to do extra chores to "earn" the money back. If Mom "lost" it during the day she had to pay the kids.

Celtie

 

[Jillian1527]

Awesome Ideas. thank you so much. I love all the Ideas. I was fascinated by the hormone surge fact. If this is what her problem is I think I will dig a hole to go in when she hits the Teens.
I have also discovered that both my girls tend to act out more when they hit the 3/4ths of an age.

also, we were stitting in the library and I was letting the girls pick out books and while I had forgotten to look for the runaway bunny, my little girl picks it out.. I loved this book. AS it is an old book (copyright in 1942) it is a great book. I am going to look into buying it the next time I am out.
thank you again for all your great advice
-Jillian