100% Failure!!!

[Cursed_Life]

I am 26, FULL youthfull passion, and I have NEVER EVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND! I HAVEN'T BEEN EVEN CLOSE TO MAKING IT WITH A GIRL!!!! I fail cause God made me a LOSER, and girls don't go for losers. I am so much more nice and compassionate and caring than other guys (well, I guess God only knows that, but I’m making an honest assessment!) I'M INSANELY DESPERATE HERE!!! I would just cut my dick off and serve God as a eunuch (and I was SO CLOSE to doing that back when I was 19-21), but then I would be emotionally as lonely as I am now, cause I really want someone to be like my very special best friend, you know? I would still be just wishing for death all the time. All I do with my life is cry and pout, pour tears out , throw fits inside myself whenever I see a cute girl I know would never like me, or an intimate couple somewhere. Then the fits come out when I'm in private. I try to get the courage to commit suicide every waking hour, and I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT! Over the past 5 years I have PRAYED AND PRAYED AND PRAYED AND PRAYED AND PRAYED...AND TRIED AND TRIED AND TRIED AND TRIED, but IT NEVER HAPPENS!!!! NOT EVEN CLOSE! I have several girls as friends, sometimes close friends, but that's it! The depressions I fall into are the DEEPEST, DARKEST PITS OF HELL, cause I am beginning to realize that I will NEVER be liked! By default, we can play the odds that the same pattern will continue. I can't kill myself! I have put a gun to my head and inside my mouth a million times, and I'm too chicken to pull the trigger!!! One time I had a noose around my neck high up in a tree AND a gun in my mouth at the same time I AND STILL COULDN'T PULL IT OFF! I am so frightened to do it! So I gave up trying for a girl and went to snorting coke and smoking weed cause I can't seem to kill myself. Damn it, this is REALLY emotionally KILLING ME! NOBODY WANTS ME, AND NO NOBODY WILL EVER WANT ME!!! PLEASE, JUST PRAY FOR ME TO DIE! I CAN'T DO THIS! I don't even enjoy the coke and weed no more. I'd be done with it if I knew a girl could fall in love with me. FOR YEARS I HAVE WISHED GOD HAD NEVER CREATED ME! I WISH WHEN I DIE THAT GOD WILL OBLIDERATE MY SOUL FOR ETERNITY IF HE HAS FORGIVEN MY SINS BY CHRIST’S SACRIFICE SO I DON’T HAVE TO GO TO HELL! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for that!!!

 

[Lia]

Hey, welcome to CF first of all

I am sorry that you are hurting because of your current situation. But you have to stop beating yourself up. You are not a failure, but a precious child of God. Sometimes our perception about ourself are deceived by our emotions that we tend to believe lies instead of the truth that is from God. And here is the truth, that God loves you so much that He abandoned his own son, Jesus Christ to die for you so that you can become a child of God. You are not a mistake. Nobody is.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

God Himself created you by His own hands and gave you the breath of life..you are important to him...

Psalm 139:13-14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God created you to fulfill His purpose in you, to be a man that He created you to be, to reflect His image.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Have you been reading the bible? That is God's words to you personally.. Those are the things he wants to talk about with you. There is not a verse in the bible that says that you are a failure because you never had a girlfriend ever in your life. That is a lie, do not believe in it. Keep reminding yourself of the truth from the Bible.

Are you associated with any church or strong Chrisian friends? If you aren't, I'd suggest you to look for a church so that other people in a real life can help you with your addiction and support you in prayer and care.

God is waiting to pour out His love, grace and blessing to you & your future. Have hope in that.

Much grace to you!

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Step one: breathe

Step two: get into the Word and focus on God

Step three: become happy with who you are and focus on your relationship with God

 

[Evangelical Pastor]

To understand you better I wrote down the words in your message you used to describe yourself.Here's your list:failure,loser,insanely desperate,lonely,wanting death,"never"fixation,suicidal,depression,in the pits of hell,chicken,frightened,snorting coke,smoking weed,repeated attempts to kill self.
Why are you surprised that girls are turned off of that self-description?
There are a couple things to do to change your situation.First you need to stop advertising yourself as a weirdo.To make friends you need to present yourself positvely.You did use three positive words to describe yourself,"nice,compassionate,and caring"So starting today,those words need to be your autobiography.Just forget all the junk words about yourself.You really come across as a scary person.So only talk about your three positive qualities and nothing else.Once you stop hating yourself,I'm certain that you'll find even more positive qualities about yourself that you can talk about.
Second,it's important to eliminate negitive thinking from your mind.Thinking"nobody will ever want me" is a good way to make that happen.Our thoughts influence our behavior so it's necessary to eliminate your failure thoughts unless of course you are looking for pity.
Third it looks like you are not accepting your successes,"girls have been close friends".Why hasn't this satisfied you?Friends usually last alot longer than girlfriends but if you really are interested,they can usually be turned into girlfriends if you ask them for that type of relationship.But again,your mind must be filled with positive,success thoughts,not negitive loser thoughts to make that type of relationship work.It's unlikely that you'll be able to make the complete change of mindset that is so essential without personal counseling so you definitely need to start that as soon as possible.

 

[chickenfeet]

hmm.. if u consider urself a loser.. i wonder what that would make me? whats worse then a loser?

least u got friends. i dont even have that much. hope it helps to hear ur better off then some.

if god does exist.. maybe he's testing ur patience. maybe he has something big planned for u? *shrugs* who knows. i wont instill false hope in ya.

just know... ur not alone.

 

[Sketcher]

Have you ever asked God to forgive your sins? Have you ever relied on the fact that Jesus died and rose to save you? Have you ever asked for the Holy Spirit? Have you ever turned leadership of your life from yourself to God?

If you have, then you won't go to hell. Period. So if you have, stop worrying about it.

You believe you're a loser. But having that attitude will only make you more of a loser. I believe that everyone here on earth is good at one thing, at the very least. Yourself included. Find that thing, and other people who like that thing. You may well find yourself being liked. Forget about being a loser. Throw that part of your identity in the trash. Don't focus on your weaknesses, just build your strengths. Just concentrate on getting better, and one day you'll find yourself happier, better, stronger. You won't be a loser anymore, and maybe a woman will take notice.

Do you have Christian male friends? They can help you on this journey.

Girls are wonderful, but they are not worth ending your life over. I've never had a girlfriend either. I've just had a painful "near miss" experience that felt horrible, but it taught me that girls are NOT everything.

Instead of praying for a woman, why not pray to be a strong man of God. Put Him first before women, it sounds like they are an idol in your life if you want to kill yourself over them. He's calling your name, He loves you and values you. He wants to turn you into a serious weapon, just let Him. Leave the drugs and the obsession behind, they are only draining you. They are contributing to your depression. And I think you know they are sin.

I understand depression, and I wanted to die for a good, long time. But over a few years, God helped me, praise Him. I would be glad to pray for you and I welcome your PMs.

 

[mlmum]

Cursed

Didn't Paul say that he would wish us all to be single? These are not Paul's words but God's.

Right now you are in a perfect position to become a warrior for God's purposes.

You have no attachments that will get in your way. Get involved in some Community work with your church (if you don't have one - find one) and start helping others. The biggest thing I have trouble doing in my life is remembering that it is not all about me. It is all about God. God has his reasons why he is not sending you a wife. Don't question them, just get on with the missions he is sending you on. You need a clear mind to hear God in your life, so please give up the drugs.

LORD, please give this man courage and strength to see your purposes in life and the faith to step out of the boat and follow you with his heart. We know that you are a loving and faithful God and you will provide for all of your children. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

if god does exist.. maybe he's testing ur patience. maybe he has something big planned for u? *shrugs* who knows. i wont instill false hope in ya.

Chickenfeet, This area is for Christians only. If you don't believe please don't try and provide advice. We are here to help brothers and sisters in Christ, not to put doubt in their minds. The devil does enough of that already.

 

[TheThirdLink]

Didn't Paul say that he would wish us all to be single? These are not Paul's words but God's.

Show me this verse, I have never heard of this before. I wouldn't know where in the Bible to find it.

 

[TheThirdLink]

I am so much more nice and compassionate and caring than other guys (well, I guess God only knows that, but I’m making an honest assessment!)

You sound so handsome.

 

[mlmum]

1corinthians 7:1 now for matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. 2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband

8: Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried as I am.

32: I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned with the affairs of this world - how he can please his wife - and his interests are divided.

It is not that God doesn't want us to marry (sorry, my original post may have seemed this way), but He wants to be the focus of our life, not marriage.

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

please dont kill yourself. PM me... please... i know what your feeling.

Jo

 

[macspetra]

Instead of praying for a woman, why not pray to be a strong man of God. Put Him first before women, it sounds like they are an idol in your life if you want to kill yourself over them. He's calling your name, He loves you and values you. He wants to turn you into a serious weapon, just let Him. Leave the drugs and the obsession behind, they are only draining you. They are contributing to your depression. And I think you know they are sin.

QUOTE]

Anything that is put before God in our lives is a real danger. I used to think the same way because I have never had a boyfriend and feel (even now sometimes) that noone will ever want me. I used to (and still do ) obsess over getting a boyfreind or husband. I can live in peace only whe I place it in Gods' hands. It is something that needs to be constantly done. It is a daily event and sometimes a moment to moment event. It's not hard, but if you give God a chance he can change your feelings about yourself. It is a long hard road, but it can happen. God can set you free.
Some people have given some really good Bible quotes already in this thread - when you are having a bad moment - repeat them over and over - force yourself to believe them even if you don't want to - remind yourself that God loves you and he didn't make you to be miserable - He wants you to be happy - please give HIm the chance to show you.:crosself:

 

[Cursed_Life]

Alright, let's just get this straight. All but one of these replies are either nonsense, or else they have already gone through my head and scrutinized down to not fitting scripture, and I don't have the patience to pull all the scripture and rational behind the worthlessness of them. Only Chickenfoot's suggestion on patience pierced my heart. A few major scriptures that should help you understand the logic of the following three principles:

Ask + Believe = Receive (Matthew 7:8, 21:22; Mark 11:24; Luke 11:10; John 16:24)
There is NO WAY God could BOTH love me and dismiss all my prayers for a period of five years, unless IT IS MY OWN FAULT (i.e. I am a loser, and God is not going to force anyone to love me).

The last reply may seem legit--that I should persevere as a man of God and care nothing for the pleasures of this world (1John 2:17). Nevertheless, Paul said, "But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (1Corinthians 7:9). Alright, call me weak, but this is part of God's Word, so let's consider it. After five years of disregarded prayer, it seems that God either DOES NOT want what "is better" for me, or else I am a LOSER, and despite God's good intentions, I am incapable of being interesting to any of the many godly females I have held an interest in, and therefore my life is worthless, and I should muster the courage to put a stop to this WORTHLESS life but jumping out of a tree with a rope around my neck. Enough said?!?!

ADDED NOTE: Thank you for your responses though, really. Most of you all sincerely care, but some of you come like Job's "friends" did. Be careful not to further demoralize someone if your intension is really to help.

 

[guitar_gurl07]

i know how ya feel..ur not alone even though im a girl..if u ever need 2 talk just pm me..im prayin 4 ya *prays*

~Haylee

 

[Deamiter]

From the New Living translation:

1 There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven. 2 A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. 3 A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to rebuild. 4 A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. 5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. 6 A time to search and a time to lose. A time to keep and a time to throw away. 7 A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak up. 8 A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. 9 What do people really get for all their hard work? 10 I have thought about this in connection with the various kinds of work God has given people to do. 11 God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end.

*emphesis obviously mine*

God does everything in His time and no other. Paul cried for MANY years for God to take the thorn from his side, but after many years, when Paul was writing his letters, he had realized that God was using it to keep him a better servant! Perhaps you are not ready, or the girl God has for you is not ready. Perhaps God wants you to learn to be content with only Him before he gives you such a close human relationship. I honestly have no way of knowing the will of God and to guess is rather foolish, but I DO understand how He works in His own time. Sometimes the answer to your prayer is "yes" sometimes it is "no" and sometimes it is simply "wait."

Having been suicidal in my own life, I do understand what it is like to plead with God and be told to wait. Looking back on all the **** in my life, though, I have to admit that God's time is a truly amazing time! There are SO many wonderful things I could not do now, and so many extremely precious people I would never have met if I my prayers had been granted immediately as I asked! In looking to the scriptures for your guidance, look for how much God cherishes each of his children! Look at how he clothes and feeds the sparrows -- how much more does He cherish you who he created in His image?

 

[Radagast]

"Cursed_Life," I'm single too, so I understand your pain.

But like Deamiter said, God does things in His own time. Perhaps there is something that you need to do for Him first, or some stage in your spiritual journey that you need to reach first, or something else that needs to happen first.

I don't know what your situation is (other than the fact that it is difficult), but your posts mention things like drugs and patience, and perhaps they are things that you need to be working on.

Macspetra said "I can live in peace only when I place it in Gods' hands" which is very good advice, even if it isn't easy.

I also think that you have bought into the very common but worldly belief that success is all about romance. That's what's in all the movies, but that's not what life is about. God should come first, and working for His Kingdom, and once you learn to do that (and I know it isn't easy to learn) everything else really will start to fall into place.

Now that may seem like more of Job's friends, but we are all trying to help. And there are answers, but not easy answers. There is no magic spell that would make God force a girl to fall in love with you right now---but would you really want that? After all, girls don't exist just to satisfy your needs---they have needs of their own.

So try to trust God, and work on your own spiritual journey, and hopefully before too long you may find someone to share that spiritual journey with. The place where your path meets someone else's may not be all that far away, but there may be a few mountains to climb over first.

Praying for you,

-- Radagast

 

[SavedByGrace3]

Society today is very cruel. Young men grow up watching TV and see shapely young models being sweet and givng themselves to be with you if you buy that car or drink that beer. Everyone you see is either a supermodel or a football star. That stuff gets ingrained into you and eventually you feel like you are absolutely worthless.
Self worth has nothing to do with how people around you treat you. Self worth has to come from within yourself. You project that image whereever you go. If you have a poor self image, you will invariably project that inner person to everyone you meet. Change your inner self image and you will change your life. Do not expect people around you to see anything other than what you show them.
Do not let people around you define who you are. Find out who you are; and if you do not like who you are... change yourself into what you want to be. Not outwardly... but inside.
If you are like me, you will likely never be a rock star or a move star. Look around youself. How many people do you see who look like the people you see on the beer comercials? Most of us are pretty "plain". Yet most people find happiness. But it starts from within.

((P.S. to the girls on this thread. Don't suggest to this guy that you like him and are going to be nice to him. That is actually so cruel. I know you are just trying to help... but that really just leads him on and is likely part of why he is where he is at. Do not lead guys on. We are pretty dumb when it comes to these things and may actually take you seriously.))

 

[Cursed_Life]

Ok, I'll address the whole notion that I am supposed to believe that my enduring patience will one day reach the proper time at which God will bring ms. just-right-for-me into my life and fulfill all my prayers and longings. This is such a tricky trap! The moment I give up I'm guilty of unbelief, which always ****es God off real good, like Israel in the wilderness, not allowed to enter the promised land because of unbelief. But if I choose to believe and persevere, I get to wait...and wait...and wait for a day that I have come to realize will probably NEVER come! Pfff, what a joke! I have come off of drugs for long segments of time since I was saved at 17 (one time for 14 months straight, other times for a year or two with very minor relapses), and I really cleaned up my act out of FAITH in this whole notion. But by now I have come to my senses and I realize how dillusional I was. For such an unlovable LOSER like myself, it's like telling me, "Keep playing the lotto man! Cause you're sure to win eventually!" Some tell me, "Take more risks exposing your interest in girls" (i.e. "blow more money on more tickets!") so I can keep spending my fragile heart into all this and always end up dead broke in the end! I WOULD RATHER BE DEAD THAN HEART-BROKEN ALL THE TIME! Uh oh, isn't that unbelief? Well, then I guess I'm screwed for sure then, cause I CANNOT believe in it any longer and keep weeping myself to sleep each night crying out to God loud enough for the neighbors to hear, "Whatever it takes Lord! Change me to be a perfect man--a PERFECT loving husband that a real good, sweet, godly woman would really want!" If I collected all my tears over the years I would have several buckets by now. Without drugs, I have to wash the snot and dried tears off my pillow case a lot more than most whiners. It doesn't seem to matter how much I pray and seek to mend myself into a sincere, godly man that I would think a believing female would want, cause in the end all my efforts ALWAYS end in FAILURE!

Look, all these objections have already gone through my head and tormented me enough! I'm NOT turning back! All I asked for in my original post here was for prayers for my eternal oblideration. I am FAR beyond turning back to faith. I am building my courage to wring my neck off, and that's about all.

 

[macspetra]

Sounds like you have already made up your mind and no matter what we say or do, nothing is going to change it. Keep reading if you want or just ignore all that I say - I can't change your mind, but maybe it can help someone else in your shoes that is still open to receiving some help.


I place this within God's hands. God take these words and use them for your glory



It may be not very much but you can take it for what it is - which is a suggestion - or you can ignore it:
I'm sorry for the way that you feel - I really am. But honestly (and bitter truth) if you are looking for sympathy and support for killing yourself, you are not going to find it. I can't put it any simpler or even softer. You must be wanting help otherwise you wouldn't have posted in the first place. YOu have come to a place of Christians and what we will pray for is for God to intervene and stop you. You know your scriptures - God wants none of us to die but for all of us to be saved - that includes going against suicide of any form - and abortion. As Christians we will pray for you to keep your life - not for you to lose it. OUr lives are not ours to do with as we wish. If you have truly become a child of God - your life is His. He is the author of your life and not you. Death is a serious topic and not something to be sugar-coated. Have you ever visited anyone in the hospital that knew they were going to die - that it was just a matter of when? That is such a sobering experience. I'm pretty sure that they would not agree with your choice to give up. Life is precious and so short already.
YOu have not seen your prayers answered - are you looking in the right place? We close our eyes and don't always see the answer in front of us. We want God to answer us in this way (such as a wife or husband). We claim we know what is best for us - reality is - we don't. We assume that what we want is right and if we don't get it the God either hates us or we arn't worth it. (I've felt the same way - if God doesn't pay my bills then He can't love me very much - because paid bills are a good thing)
Also, we are not exactly like Job's friends as we are giving suggestions and not telling you how to live your life like they did to JOb. They believed that they had it figured out, we don't. We are learning just like you and we want to help.
Like Radagast said there is no easy answer - and no you will never be perfect. As much as we want to give you the perfect answer - there isn't.

God, I pray that you will open his eyes, that you will lead him to people that will help him see how precious he is to you. Remind him that a spouse does not give him status as a loved human being, but that a spose is a blessing from a loing God. You now his heart and I pray that you will break the stone and the walls so that your love can flow once more through his blood and through his life. Help others see him as you see him and help him see himself as you see him. Remind him that no life is cursed when you are involved - when you are the center of that life. Almighty God we need you to intervene and save the life of one of your children. Through your power can a life be changed and a heart renewed.

This prayer does not end because it is not over yet.


You know I can't help but think of the people who are going to miss out because you decided to choose your own destiny instead of letting God direct you - people will miss out blessing you and being blessed by you. Lives that could be reached, may just run out of time.
It is hard, it's not easy and sometimes it feels almost hopeless, but as CHristians we have a hope in a better world. It isn't the end product but the process that we go through that counts.

 

[Deamiter]

What are you putting your faith in? That God will make you into the "perfect husband" or a "perfect man?" You said you were crying out to God that you'd endure "whatever it takes ... to be a perfect man", but what if God wants you AS YOU ARE? Are you willing to give that? Christ didn't die for the winners or the religious or the perfect Christians (or Jews). He died for the losers, the screwups, and the sinners! He died so that in spite of our sins, we don't have to live in bondage!

I don't understand where you think God has let you down! God never promised to perfect us through faith. He never promised that through prayers for perfection, we might become perfect! God promised that through walking with Him, we ARE perfect, as all our imperfections fall away with Christ's sacrifice. You alone will never be perfect, and it is true that no amount of prayer or faith will make you perfect. The perfection you are looking for is joy in Christ that will always be there -- even when you fail.

Who has NOT wished they were dead when dealing with great pain? David certainly did! He cried out repeatedly that he wished he had never been born -- that his grandmother had died in childbirth! At the end of these psalms though, David praises God for giving him a way out. You have a way out of this despair -- you can accept that you are imperfect, and that God loves you and desperately wants to use you in your imperfect state!

You're always welcome to give up. I don't see that as equal to a lack of faith, but I've often seen it happen at the same time. You can have faith through pain and failure. But in the end, your life will always be your choice. You just have to recognize that there IS the choice to choose Christ and perfection through Him though you WILL continually fail!

Lord, I pray that you will show my brother Cursed_Life your love, and how he can have true joy in all situations. Show him how he can have faith in all situations -- even in desperation, and how his failings have, without exception, been forgiven in advance by Christ.