Struggling with self hate/very bad depression/suicidal thoughts and impulses.

Praying for you (((hug)))

May you feel the presence of the Lord and his complete forgiveness, bless you...in Jesus name

Songs to play and comunicate to the Lord with....may you receive the Blessings from the Father who loves you so much...

He will make a way for you...

Godislove94 said:

I missed God's will and blessings because of a choice I made and now my life is falling apart. God feels so far away and I can't stop beating myself up over how foolish my decision was. I'm tired of screwing up my walk, causing setbacks and not being able to move forward or do things right and just feel like a burden to everyone because of all of my problems and being me. Ending my life would be best because then no one would have to deal with me anymore.

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You are making people an idol: Jesus is not for suicide, and you are placing their preference of you being dead (think about it--this is what you are saying: that people would be better off with you dead) above God's preference of you being alive. Righteous falls seven times and gets up seven times, so brace your self together and get up!

Give every burden right now to God by faith--whatever it is that is bothering you: from guilt to annoying people you can't stop thinking about. Say: Thank you Jesus, I now, just by faith, am giving to you all my burdens. Thank you for receiving them off me. I now by faith, commit every area of my life to you, trusting that you want to bless me like you blessed Abraham, giving him both salvation, and abundance and peace in this life. I praise your goodness, Jesus!

Always walk in clear conscience (bad conscience ruins faith, which is the criteria for salvation, 1 Tim. 1:19), give all your guilt to Jesus by faith as a burden, receive His work of the cross, that already redeemed you from hell by Christ's blood, that had atoned for all your sin, i.e. for everything that can make you go to hell. If you lack faith in these things sometimes, repent a bit, and try receiving these things again, it should work, as God sometimes withholds our faith from us, so that we may start growing in Him, getting holier.

If it's bad and just doesn't go away, get drunk, do stuff your conscience is not letting you do, let loose for a bit--say to God you need it, that His commandment is not greater than man's dire need, for He said: Sabbath is for man and not man for the Sabbath. We sometimes need a vent like that, or our circuit can just blow.

I burnt out at one of my previous workplaces, working at a manufacturing facility, because I would bottle up harassment towards me. It took a week to recover, and now if anyone gets at me, I respond to them and put them on their right place. And when my conscience tells me: "what are you doing?", I say to God: commandment is for man and not man for commandment--I don't want to go have another nervous breakdown. And He receives it. Obviously though I try to be as meek as possible when I reply to God.

We all are sinners, we all get guilt every day, many times, no human being have lived and not gotten guilt at once point in their life (1 John 1:10). What matters is whether we let our guilt soon burn a hole in our wine-skin, and cause our wine to spill out, or we immediately come to God and plead with Him about it, making some agreement, repenting, or even just responding with some Scripture He would be ok to accept as justification. Remember how prophets of Old talked to God. For example Ezekiel, when asked to eat human dung as a sign, pleaded with God from Scripture, and God allowed it, making it cow's dung instead. The devil has whispered all these evil thoughts to you, and you have accepted them. Rise up against the devil and he shall flee from you. Rebuke in Jesus name the devil from off your life--we can work the works of Jesus and greater works can we work, He said! Don't make it easy for your enemy, don't you understand that the name of the game is just to destroy you, you who is a light in this cursed world?

Do not believe the lie from the enemy that suicide is the answer. It's not!
It's absolutely untrue! God wants you to live, to give you a full life, a happy, healthy and prosperous life 111 John 2. What's wrong with starting again. God's mercies are new every day. Lamentations 3:22 "His compassions fail not. They are new every morning" Whatever happened in the past is the past. You have this moment, and You have tomorrow. Heavenly Father, deliver this one from despair, from wounds and past mistakes,
SHINE YOUR LIGHT FATHER GOD, in the dark places of this one's heart and spirit. May Your strength for renewed hope, and courage deliver this one from depression and the darkness of suicidal thoughts, remove this sickness! In Jesus Name, thank You LORD! Amen

Stephanie7 said:

Do not believe the lie from the enemy that suicide is the answer. It's not!
It's absolutely untrue! God wants you to live, to give you a full life, a happy, healthy and prosperous life 111 John 2. What's wrong with starting again. God's mercies are new every day. Lamentations 3:22 "His compassions fail not. They are new every morning" Whatever happened in the past is the past. You have this moment, and You have tomorrow. Heavenly Father, deliver this one from despair, from wounds and past mistakes,
SHINE YOUR LIGHT FATHER GOD, in the dark places of this one's heart and spirit. May Your strength for renewed hope, and courage deliver this one from depression and the darkness of suicidal thoughts, remove this sickness! In Jesus Name, thank You LORD! Amen

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Amen!

And regarding the "choices" you made, don't feel that there is no hope left for you. Remember the parable of the prodigal son, how he squandered his inheritance with harlots, only to be given another chance with the father, who, by clothing him and making a feast for him, signified that his son would not be left forsaken and in want. So you too, talk to God in prayer and say: Jesus, I have made bad choices in life, and as a prodigal son come to you now to ask you to have mercy on me and to restore my fortunes once again, like the father in the parable had mercy on his prodigal son. I thank you that you heard me. Praise you, Jesus. Jesus CAN make it happen that you will be blessed above all you were blessed with earlier. Just remember Job! Don't loose sight of who God is. Yes, His wrath abides on unbelievers, but He shall not harm a meek and humble soul in fear of Him, and He shall surely bless (Exodus 20:5-6) the soul that walks in faith, and confesses itself (2 Corinthians 13:5; Matthew 9:29) to be an Abraham's child (those who walk by faith are his children, just as he walked by faith, John 8:39). Just wait on Him to pull through, ye wait on Him!

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" (Isaiah 30:18)