I am 15 years old and I've been terrified and disgusted by my thoughts and impulses. I am unsure if it's my condition homosexual OCD or if im in denial. I've cried out to GOD to help me to stop feeling impulses and thinking horrible thoughts. I'm just terrorized by the thoughts, now they frighten me even more because I'm doubting if the thoughts were actually fantasies or if they were actually unwanted. I doubt because Ive been reading ALOT of articles about this, and they say that if they were wanted then that means that you're actually gay and are just afraid of coming out.. I'm very confused.. I also fear that I might be bi it scares me because I want to do GOD'S will and live out my life according to his plans for me! I've always wanted to be the proud wife of a TRUE man of GOD and bear his children.. And by the way I've always and will always like guys because that's the way GOD made it to be. I just fear that I might be living in denial, I've repented and told GOD to change me if I was in denial and and told him everything. Also this isn't the first OCD that has plagued me with fears, the unpardonable sin plagued my for seven months but I'm free only to find myself in another strong hold please tell me what is it I should do? :,( do you think satan is lying to me and and making me believe all this garbage? Or isn't just me?
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