What happens in a divorce?

Architeuthus · May 26, 2015

TheDag said:
If God hates divorce so much it is strange that he divorced Israel when he speaks of the relationship as a marriage.

Arguments based on a metaphor are always dangerous. And, of course, God divorced Israel because of adultery (Jeremiah 3:8).

linssue55 · May 26, 2015

Goodbook said:
I know two couples that are now split up, one in my church the other in my family.

I'm just wondering, as don't really know much about it, what happens when people get divorced.

Is it, they live apart for more than 2 years, then they are officially separated?
Does that mean all the stuff they shared gets split up?
What about the children? Do most couples that divorce still live close by each other and actually see each other? Or is it too awkward. Does one pay money to the other?

The couple I know in church still live in the same house, but they are separated. (upstairs and down) Does that just mean, they don't share the same bed? At what point is a couple considered divorced/unmarried? When you can't stand to share the same room any longer? Although many married couples do sleep separately (on account of snoring).

I get confused by divorced couples. All that to-ing and fro-ing with children, and settlements and such. I did used to flat with one lady who had two children and they went with their dad half the time and half with their mum. But their parents didn't even marry in the first place...so I'm just wondering what the difference is. I don't really ask what happened as of course they don't want to talk about it. But maybe if you been through one and know what happens or your parents divorced could you share. I mean how do I talk to the children who are affected, do they actually know what really happened or do parents keep it hush from them? With one of the boys I did ask him once about it and he said they just got used to it, and it was odd at first because everyone elses' parents were married.

I think its hard to say as often theirs adultery involved and...children are traumatised by that I think, to know their parents were unfaithful to each other. I remember talking to a girl and I think she always had to explain her parents situation and she would be totally honest and say 'my dad had an affair so my parents split up'. (But she was adult). I'm just wondering if young children get told why their parents divorce or its just that they can't stand each other anymore.

thanks for responding if this topic is too uncomfortable for you give it a miss. Please no judgments. I am not married so..this is not my issue, just on how to relate to children affected and how to deal with adults that going through it. Is it rude to ask why?

There are Many doctrines in the Bible that cover this topic. But, when all things are said and done.... "Divorce is the RIGHT to remarry."

angelavoltaire · May 26, 2015

Hello Goodbook, although it might be tempting to want to give the good advice to people, sometimes is also important to accept that a person cannot know everything.
Given the knowledge you have of divorce, separation etc.perhaps you should just accept that you cannot help other people who are going through a separation with advice etc.

MInTheGap · May 26, 2015

I've recently been having the conversation regarding what it means to be married biblically. I think that we've conflated the idea of what God thinks of marriage and what the society deems as marriage. Like has been said before, God's idea of marriage lasts much longer than man believes it to be.

JP685 · May 26, 2015

Goodbook said:
Hmm well thanks for your responses everyone. I do know its controversial and. Everyone got their own views and experiences.

I think the deciding factor in most ppls divorces is adultery or unfaithfulness. I cantthink any other reason why you would not want to ever live again with the person you chose to marry.
Any other thing you can work out..whether its sickness or finances or snoring or collecting too many teddy bears...love can cover all these.

But betrayal is very hard...

....Have you ever been in a relationship? I only ask because you seem really young with your posts with your spelling/grammar and your lack of understanding about how relationships work. Love doesn't fix everything. Adultery also isn't the #1 cause of divorce either. Some people get married too young and grow apart as they get older. They aren't happy in their marriage anymore so they divorce. They have every right to divorce because they are unhappy. Sometimes the finances in the household take a huge toll on the marriage and the couple fights incessantly and both grow bitter. Their children see them fight all the time which isn't healthy, so the couple chooses a divorce so the children can be a part of 2 happy households instead of one bitter one. People divorce for all kinds of reasons, and all of those reasons are personal. No one takes divorce lightly. If simply loving each other fixed all the problems of a failing marriage, then no one would pay money to divorce.

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

Well theres that too, but they being foolish and irresponsible to marry that young imho.
It would seem those fighting couples are incapable of love and happiness. They mistake passion for love.

Yes ive been in relationships, stupid ones when i was younger, but at least i had the good sense not to marry cos i know that kind of thing isnt love.

Mister_Al · May 26, 2015

God created Eve from Adam's body and, therefore, they both were one flesh. There is nothing Adam, nor Eve, could have done to change this relationship. Likewise, when a couple get married God joins them together and the two become one flesh and have the same relationship together that Adam and Eve had.

That's the problem with saying that people should be able to get a divorce at will. They don't understand that God has joined the marriage couple into the same flesh and bone. When people get married it's more than just saying vows (which in itself should keep the couple together) or getting a marriage license or even consummating the marriage, it's a spiritual act performed by God Himself that forms the marriage bond and can only be reversed by God. If God doesn't separate you, you will always be one flesh and in the eyes of God you are still married no matter how many lawyers and judges declare you to be divorced. If you remarry you've committed adultery to God because you are still one flesh with your first spouse. You can try and reason it away by redefining words in the Bible or saying that God did it so we can too, but that changes nothing. If you've been divorced for any reason other than infidelity you are still married in the eyes of God and nothing else matters.

Be Blessed,

Alan

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

2 happy households..ok.
Actually thats not true. They just split between two bitter and resentful parents. Cos, if they were in the same room together, they may end up hating each other...but when they apart, they hate each other even more. I had to counsel lots of divorcees and all they talk about is either their exes or how they cant afford anything and how horrible it is to be solo.

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

Yes..i think..just leave them in their own mess perhaps. I cant do anything, only God can change a heart.

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

Those that divorced cos of adultery i completely understand. But those that just divorced cos of selfish reasons...maybe they just wanted the money.

BFine · May 26, 2015

Goodbook said:

You wouldnt want to stay married to someone who really loved someone else.

Click to expand...

*I would expect my spouse to love(agape)
me and honor his wedding vows just like I
honor mine...even when one experiences feelings
for someone else, the scripture is clear on feeling
temptation, practicing self control and NOT following one's heart or feelings especially when
those feelings are contrary to God's Word.

There's no sin in being tempted, but once you
give into temptation, then it becomes sin.
I've been very close to that type of temptation
and I know it's very hard to resist but it can be
done, thanks be to God who makes the impossible-- possible!

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

Yes, resisting temptation is something every one may face at some stage.
Not just the temptation to sin in adultery, but the temptation to throw in the towel just cos you unhappy. I thought marriage was more than just ones personal happiness, if you going to be unhappy, at least be unhappy together! There will be happy times again. Feelings are fleeting things. For richer or poorer, right? In sickeness and in heallth for better or for worse!!!

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

I have happy times and unhappy times. Even single.

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

Maybe its an american thing. The whole 'i have a right to be happy'

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

Well, with the unregenerate heart..it is deceitful,and wicked above all things. These people need heart transplants from God.

Cernunnos · May 26, 2015

My wife cheated, she refused to repent, it ended in divorce. Some people will condemn me for remarrying, but my wife won't. We are happy, but more, we are blessed by God, who in His mercy has given us a life together, raising children, being active in the church, ever deepening our own faith and the faith of others. I couldn't do it alone, I am not called to celibacy. Sometimes divorce is an opportunity to repent of wrongs and start over, doing things right.

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

Im sorry which wife? Number one or two?
See, thats why im confused. Which one is your wife?

As said before, if it was adultery, then of course, Jesus said divorce is permittable. And one can marry again.

Did wife number one marry the one she cheated with?

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

I know a couple that separated. But then got back together. Cos he repented.
They didnt end up divorcing, although very close to it. Would that be a case of starting over and remarrying? I could have read your post wrong cerunnos. You married your wife again after divorce, cos she repented?

Goodbook · May 26, 2015

Then theres unbelievers..like you could have married someone, unequally yoked, cos you end up becoming a christian after you got married but your spouse didnt.

But i think its bad if you both believers and then one cheated. Or it could be all that time one partner just didnt believe at all and just pretended. For your sake.

ValleyGal · May 26, 2015

Goodbook said:
Im sorry which wife? Number one or two?
See, thats why im confused. Which one is your wife?

As said before, if it was adultery, then of course, Jesus said divorce is permittable. And one can marry again.

Did wife number one marry the one she cheated with?

If a couple divorces, they are no longer married. Someone who marries after divorce only has one spouse - the current spouse.

What happens in a divorce?

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