Don't take a "republican" advice over God's love and grace in Jesus Christ.
Is God pushing you? Is everything you feel bad about...God's doing? Doesn't God want us to look up to Him and love each other? Even if you don't feel loved, even if it was the case that nobody right now on this planet loves you, why would you step out of love? Surely you can love. Someone might need that love right now, or tomorrow, or in 20 years. Plenty of people feel alone, and are in need of the same things you are right now. Do you think you can't find them? Do you think your love does not matter for them? Or do they have to come to you first? If so, why? Or are you in a hurry? If so, where?
Listen, brother. God does not want us to suffer for the sake of suffering. He's not a torturer. You know how the mount sermon goes, you know who are blessed. You just don't believe it right now.
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Luke 6:35-38
"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
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How hard is it to forgive those who hurt us! Even now, when I feel like I am not treated badly by the world, and I have no enemies at this point of my life, I find this hard to do. But it will set us free from a lot of pain when we can let go of the grudge that eat us, and let love grow something out of it in time. We will need patience, and if we don't have it, we are forced to learn it.
But what is hard for us, is easy for God. Our father is merciful, just like Jesus said. Accept that, brother. Accept that you are loved, because God is love and He gave His only begotten Son for us. For you. None of us can deserve it, we only can accept it. We can't reach God's grace with anything we do ourselves, because it is His gift to give. And it can set us free.
Let the world be the world, and pray for God to help your suffering. I prayed for you too.
This I know: even if God isn't a torturer, he will allow us to fall. Because we need it. We need to be reminded that we need Him, that the world will pass, and how we should put our faith in Christ. It is good for us when we get humbled before the Lord, but we want to rebel. We want to fight against it, we don't want to suffer the wound and learn from it, and to put our suffering and prayers and hopes in front of God. We rebel against it, even if it is the easiest thing.
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What help are you getting for your depression? Are you seeking more of it? Do you need money for doctors or treatments? I have a little money I could give via PayPal, it would just take a couple of days. You only need to ask. Because you are in need of help. You speak of attempts, as if enough of those and you will succeed in killing yourself at some point. That is surely a cry for help, even if you denied it. I am trying to help, and I know there are limits. I live on another continent, I don't know you, we're on the internet right now but I'm trying to remind you that God is there. None of us can boast here, brother. We all suffer. I am better now, but I haven't forgotten. I've been in that darkness too. None of us are better than you, and we don't want lives to become lost, because many of us have been there and we know the false, vile things we felt when we were in those dark pits. Those thoughts are lies.
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edit: one more piece of scripture from Matthew:
At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do.
“All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”