Ex cunnubial bliss

[iambren]

So I'm over at my ex's house working hard to get the pool up and running--a dirty, sweaty job replacing the liner that had TOO many patches from the kids.

I showered, felt great, and wondered where everybody was for I was getting ready to go back to my place. She was passing time on the computer playing Solitaire when what came out of my mouth was "Hey, feels like spring. Would you like to get a little close (make love)?". Of course she gave her snarly "no" which is how she was when we were married (and why we're divorced today) but I was up. We weren't dating others but got to thinking--this would be sin, she's NOT my wife anymore. But in a good mood, and we are fairly compatible, BOY was this a temptation. It's been a couple years!!!

Do any of you face temptation to be sexually with your divorced spouse ie the "ex cunnubial bliss"? Especially if the breakup was pretty amicable and both of you are free?

 

[McScribe]

I did but I live in another city now. It's hard to break that sense of emotional attachment.

 

[dorig59]

For me: eeeeewwwwwwwwww.

 

[mjmcmillan]

My ex has just tried to come back into the picture and she's trying that with me. Good part: it would feel good. Bad part: I've got a nasty feeling that this time around I'm "the other man". Since I have no desire to have the "Cheaters" crew following me around and appearing on television as a bozo--- I think I'll pass on this one.

 

[iambren]

I would probably risk it. My mind wanders to think--I wonder what it would be like(what was it like?)?

And I confess I still love her too. Darn it, I HATE that,I HATE that,I HATE that.



Come on, there has to be others out there, I've heard this is not an uncommon practice and BTW I am not promoting it. Beyond those who think "ewww" it's probably not rare.

 

[dorig59]

LOL, sorry about the eeeewwww, Iambren, but that's just me & my situation.

You know I'm not sure if this is great or practical advice but the best way to get over someone is to find someone else. Maybe you could concentrate on that? How to find someone else is another matter, I have no idea about that.

 

[iambren]

That's good advice Dorig, as usual. I have gone on some dates(I'm on ChristianMingle) but no success yet.

You were lucky to have that ick factor. The last 1 1/2 weeks we have sat together as on son was in an Honor Society ceremony, the other son in a 5th grade grad ceremony, THEN sat together during the 2nd's son baseball game. So we sit like two proud parents, chirping away happily which brings a bond to me, making me more desirous (if you know what I mean).

Yet I know others must have been tempted similarly. It's familiar, you're alone, been a while tada tada tada.

 

[McScribe]

Try to remember how flaky she is about taking responsibility for the relationship. It's very important to believe what the Bible says about choosing a good partner. In fact contrary to popular belief the Bible talks about sorrow for choosing the wrong kind of mate, though it also talks of the importance of fidelity of course. Proverbs describes the kind of woman to yearn for. The world deceives us, me the same, into going for whatever s charming, sexy, fun, etc. I go through the same thing and I'm not even around her, then I have to rem mind myself that she treated me like crap.

 

[mjmcmillan]

I've been thinking about what my ex is offering, and the more I think of it the less I like it. The last encounter had too much secrecy about it. How come she couldn't let her daughter know she was with me? How come when Elliot called, a man I knew as a friend of the family back then, she wouldn't answer? Now, this happened last week. One meeting in a couple of years and this leaves me with so many red flags I could start a communist convention.

No two ways about it, I'm being set up to be "the other man" and I don't like it even a little bit. I can almost see the "Cheaters" camera vans in my rear-view mirror and getting on television that way just ain't worth it.

If you want to have connubial bliss with your ex, be sure the ex is indeed clear first. In my case, I'm all but certain she's not. There's a game being played here I want no part of.

 

[dayhiker]

Nope, hasn't and not happening with my EX in the future.

 

[FaithPrevails]

No. It never honestly crossed my mind. In fact, the closest I came to venturing there was a square junk punch I landed on him when he grabbed my rear end once when I was putting our son in his car seat. I was not the least bit interested once we separated.

It can be difficult to abstain - but it can be done. I did it for 3 1/2 years.

 

[peacechild4]

I am in the midst of divorcing.. but still married.. so acccording to the OP I am not divorced yet so should not be posting.. but will be soon.. sigh.. and I feel this is relevant to me..

I have to say.. we have through our separation.. sigh.. been intimate.. but I realize now that every time this happens it is screwing with me emotionally because I want more then just sex..

Look he has offered to be there for me "that way" afterwards..

And I am a believer so no that is not on for me.. but I would have to be careful.. very careful.. because he drinks and he would try.. sigh.. and I am human and well enough said..

I am going to pray for someone else.. cause I want all that and more.. with a believer this time..

I have wanted the whole package deal.. for many many many years.. and I cannot wait to be honest..

I know I need to be strong in this area.. I refused him just the other night.. yes he had been drinking and was trying.. it isn't fair because I did not want this whole thing... but again I have to be strong.. GOD has given me a way out.. He left me and the kids.. and is not a believer.. and I will pray and believe and wait on GOD for all that GOD has.. and IT IS GOING TO BE GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[iambren]

I hear you, PeaceChild, and so understand where you are coming from. It's a rather unique temptation a divorcee faces. The emotional/physical loneliness and the opportunity to reach out ARE so tempting. But you are also correct in the emotional tailspin you pay for it.

Sounds like you have to avoid all opportunities that places you two alone. I pray God's comfort to you, and you future where ALL of love comes to you.

 

[peacechild4]

I hear you, PeaceChild, and so understand where you are coming from. It's a rather unique temptation a divorcee faces. The emotional/physical loneliness and the opportunity to reach out ARE so tempting. But you are also correct in the emotional tailspin you pay for it.

Sounds like you have to avoid all opportunities that places you two alone. I pray God's comfort to you, and you future where ALL of love comes to you.

Thank you..

 

[Sandradee0303]

I am in a somewhat similar situation. Separated last August (10). After 3 months with much less stress my drive came back full swing. We were sexual a couple times and it just felt wrong. I told him we couldn't anymore. It wasn't glorifying to God to just do it for pleasures sake. And, he is wanting to make the marriage work now whereas I don't trust anything about him. So, knowing how I feel about him there is nothing right about going to bed with him. Now it's been 7 months and I am a very sexual being which means I am suffering but praying for those desires to leave until (if or when) the time is right and Godly!

 

[peacechild4]

I am in a somewhat similar situation. Separated last August (10). After 3 months with much less stress my drive came back full swing. We were sexual a couple times and it just felt wrong. I told him we couldn't anymore. It wasn't glorifying to God to just do it for pleasures sake. And, he is wanting to make the marriage work now whereas I don't trust anything about him. So, knowing how I feel about him there is nothing right about going to bed with him. Now it's been 7 months and I am a very sexual being which means I am suffering but praying for those desires to leave until (if or when) the time is right and Godly!

I see you are fairly new here.. just wanted to welcome you to the forums.. especially mature singles..

Bless you for sharing.. and GOD bless you and your life till the best for you comes to pass..

 

[iambren]

I am in a somewhat similar situation. Separated last August (10). After 3 months with much less stress my drive came back full swing. We were sexual a couple times and it just felt wrong. I told him we couldn't anymore. It wasn't glorifying to God to just do it for pleasures sake. And, he is wanting to make the marriage work now whereas I don't trust anything about him. So, knowing how I feel about him there is nothing right about going to bed with him. Now it's been 7 months and I am a very sexual being which means I am suffering but praying for those desires to leave until (if or when) the time is right and Godly!

Thank you Sandra. Your post gave me a lot to think about. Sometimes I wish my ex and I would make love to dispel the myth. The heart can deceive us sometimes. Secretly I may be wondering if sex would break the plane of estrangement and then we can begin rebuilding the marriage. My gut says it may turn out more like your encounter did, which ,in effect, closed the door more so you can move on....which is good! Bless you on your journey and in your recovery.

 

[McScribe]

I see you are fairly new here.. just wanted to welcome you to the forums.. especially mature singles..

Bless you for sharing.. and GOD bless you and your life till the best for you comes to pass..

She's not actually. I've been a newbie for two years

 

[peacechild4]

I am sorry my mistake.. I think the first time I have met you here...

 

[ArohaB]

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