I’m not sure if I should try anymore

[discombobulated1]

I don’t know where to go

I tried getting in contact with my pastor but I can never get an appointment with him. I won’t say the sin I committed however, in terms of depravity and gravity and the years I’ve been away from god- I’ve committed a serious sin. God even promises vengeance on my sin in the Bible. I know god doesn’t play around, at least now I do. I am really trying to return to him but I feel like it’s too late. I thought I was saved but I fell away and I never truly followed god. It turned out that I was an unbeliever and the Holy Spirit was still pursuing me. God tried really hard for me but I messed up so so badly. It’s possible that I’ve been given over to a reprobate mind.

I’m trying to repent and turn from my ways but I feel like it’s all empty and hopeless if the Holy Spirit doesn’t enable it. I feel like spiritually my soul is dead and it’s really my fault. I sinned so badly in my life I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying but there hasn’t been any change and my whole situation is a theological nightmare.

I cry out to god every day but I feel like it won’t change anything and I’m trying to change my ways but i always fail and everything just becomes pointless. Of course I did this to myself and I won’t stop trying however I feel like no matter what my efforts will go in vain. I chose to veer off the path god had for me and now I’m paying for it. I don’t feel conviction at all. I don’t know what to do.

I'm very sorry. I have been in a similar place but I am not in that place today. You probably won't take my advice or whatever you call it.. I won't call it that, I'll just say what I myself did: First, I prayed the rosary, which the Virgin at Fatima told the children to do, but I never listened to any of that "church stuff" when i was younger. I discovered the rosary and what it can do long b4 I checked out Fatima and that event in 1917 confirmed my appreciation for the rosary.

Of course Satan didn't like me praying the rosary, which is used in exorcisms. I went through some hard stuff, mostly because I had, like you, done serious sins..

Well, then a good priest told me about the Real Presence in the Catholic Church. . don't know if you are Catholic but there is a tangible Presence of Christ there (it's awesome... not surprisingly)

Catholics say the RCC is the one Christ founded.. I know that is true.. though I get arguments all the time

 

[Chris35]

There is hope, I have been in a similar situation, feeling very helpless and dead, totally numb towards God for a long time.

I ended up walking up and down the street in circles just repenting anyway for about an hour, even though I felt very dead, pointless, and felt like God couldn't hear me at all.

Then all of a sudden God did answer in a very direct and spiritual way, so there is hope for you.

Even if everything in you is saying it is hopeless, it's not.

 

[lismore]

I cry out to god every day but I feel like it won’t change anything and I’m trying to change my ways but i always fail and everything just becomes pointless. Of course I did this to myself and I won’t stop trying however I feel like no matter what my efforts will go in vain. I chose to veer off the path god had for me and now I’m paying for it. I don’t feel conviction at all. I don’t know what to do.

Hello! It does seem like this sin is bothering your conscience, which is a good sign. The worrying place to be would be when a person's conscience is so seared that they don't care.

Perhaps this Psalm might give your guidance and comfort:

Psalm 130​

A song of ascents.​

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
2 Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
3 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
7 Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.

Always remember you're not alone. God will never leave or forsake you and you have your family in the Lord too. God Bless You

 

[Joseph G]

Still praying for you, Aliemikeyj. If you think you are beyond redemption, I want to also assure that you are not - this from the chief of sinners and the ultimate prodigal son. Yes, I too sinned great sins even after knowing and receiving Him. And while being disciplined when He was drawing me back to Him, I read all the verses that scared the you-know-what out of me - that surely they applied to me.

Well through the process of cleansing me He revealed a grave error that I had been making while being restored. It's great to recognize that Scripture should be taken as the literal Word of God. But it's a huge mistake to believe that every time you read it that it always applies to YOU.

Jesus is the Author of Scripture. He demonstrated His Authority over the Word in how he dealt with Satan's temptations - that He decides interpretation of Scripture and He decides which apply to any situation.

I think the scary verses serve a dual purpose, on one hand to condemn those who never repent, and on the other hand to convict those who do -in order to set them FREE. Not to beat them over the head to the end of days. If that is what is happening after sincere confession and repentance - guess where THAT is coming from - the Accuser of the Brethren.

My prayer for you is that you will ultimately realize two things. 1) that if you are doubting you were really saved, or fear that you have lost your salvation, simply go directly to Him and ASK in faith that He will respond. If you arent saved but seeking Him, He'll convict you. And if you are saved, He will happily confirm it, in His time, His manner and according to His priorities - because He knows how to keep His promise to those with genuine faith:

Romans 8:16 NIV
"The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children."

I highly recommend reading all of Romans 8, friend.

And 2) that He will lead you to the place I arrived at after receiving this assurance. I asked Him, "Why Lord? Why have you chosen me - after all I've done to your Name and your heart and all those You gave me to love?"

His answer?

Romans 9:14-15 NIV

"What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses,
“I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.”"

It's really just that simple, friend. God's grace.

God bless!