I’m not sure if I should try anymore

[discombobulated1]

I don’t know where to go

I tried getting in contact with my pastor but I can never get an appointment with him. I won’t say the sin I committed however, in terms of depravity and gravity and the years I’ve been away from god- I’ve committed a serious sin. God even promises vengeance on my sin in the Bible. I know god doesn’t play around, at least now I do. I am really trying to return to him but I feel like it’s too late. I thought I was saved but I fell away and I never truly followed god. It turned out that I was an unbeliever and the Holy Spirit was still pursuing me. God tried really hard for me but I messed up so so badly. It’s possible that I’ve been given over to a reprobate mind.

I’m trying to repent and turn from my ways but I feel like it’s all empty and hopeless if the Holy Spirit doesn’t enable it. I feel like spiritually my soul is dead and it’s really my fault. I sinned so badly in my life I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying but there hasn’t been any change and my whole situation is a theological nightmare.

I cry out to god every day but I feel like it won’t change anything and I’m trying to change my ways but i always fail and everything just becomes pointless. Of course I did this to myself and I won’t stop trying however I feel like no matter what my efforts will go in vain. I chose to veer off the path god had for me and now I’m paying for it. I don’t feel conviction at all. I don’t know what to do.

I'm very sorry. I have been in a similar place but I am not in that place today. You probably won't take my advice or whatever you call it.. I won't call it that, I'll just say what I myself did: First, I prayed the rosary, which the Virgin at Fatima told the children to do, but I never listened to any of that "church stuff" when i was younger. I discovered the rosary and what it can do long b4 I checked out Fatima and that event in 1917 confirmed my appreciation for the rosary.

Of course Satan didn't like me praying the rosary, which is used in exorcisms. I went through some hard stuff, mostly because I had, like you, done serious sins..

Well, then a good priest told me about the Real Presence in the Catholic Church. . don't know if you are Catholic but there is a tangible Presence of Christ there (it's awesome... not surprisingly)

Catholics say the RCC is the one Christ founded.. I know that is true.. though I get arguments all the time