Question on tv porn

[JStyle]

I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years.
I have known him for 6 years. I always knew he liked looking at magazines, viewing porn tapes. He had been doing that for years. Well, I thought I could be the one to change him. I guess I thought wrong. I now know God is the only One that can change him!!!
We even had many, many talks about it and he promised me that was all in his past. He told me guys that do that are not 100% satisfied with who they are with, and he promised me he was more than 100% satisfied with me.
Well, a couple of months ago I found out he had been watching it on tv. When I confronted him about it, he lied for 5 hours straight.
Finally, he confessed.
He told me he did not get anything out of it and that it doesn't even arouse him to watch it. I don't understand why he would watch it if he doesn't get anything out of it? I feel like he is lying to me because he doesn't want to hurt me even more.
My question is, could there be a reason to watch it, if there is nothing to get out of it???
Thanks alot!

 

[stephen1964]

J,
Porn is a very difficult and embarassing issue for men and their spouses. I can only tell you that from my experience, when I used to look at porn it was a seperate experience from real intimacy with my wife. It wasn't until I realized that it totally conflicted with my Christian beliefs as well as my marriage that I was able to break away from this bad habit (with God's help). May Christ help your husband come to this same realization.

 

[hamster_head]

Did you ask him why he was watching it if he didn't get anything out of it, and did he have an answer for you? Obviously he is getting something out of it, or he wouldn't do it, but it would be hard to say what he's getting out of it. More than likely it's sexual arousal by viewing others having sex, since that is the standard reason for watching porn. However, it's not out of the realm of possibility that people would watch porn for curiosity sake, or for entertainment sake (maybe finding it humorous), or even for the reason of wanting to discover new techniques to arrouse his wife. I am not saying that watching porn would be justified by any of the above reasons (if he found it entertaining, that would be sorta creepy in my opinion). But, I do think you need to know his reason for watching pornography on television before you can know where to start with the solution.

 

[oworm]

You may find some use full info at :http://pub52.ezboard.com/bchristianwivesofaddicts

Im not implying by this link that your husband is addicted to porn but im sure as you interact with other wives of husbands who struggle with these issues you will find valuable insight and support as you work through this problem.

I would also encourage you to get him to maybe look at resources available at:
http://everymansbattle.com

My guess is that he will be in denial that he even has a problem but i would encourage you to INSIST that he gets some kind of male supprt and accountability otherwise the problem may spiral out of control and affect the harmony of your marriage,if it hasnt already!
Praying for you as i type!

 

[desi]

My question is, could there be a reason to watch it, if there is nothing to get out of it???

The answer to your question is no. He is getting something out of it. This is one battle you probably don't have to fight. It is usually self limiting and relatively harmless if you can let it be and if he does not let it progress. Porn is like weed in a way. For some people they can use it and they function fine, while it consumes the lives of others. If your marriage is not adversely affected by it I'd leave it be.

 

[NoneyaBiznezz]

Hey there JStyle,

I figured I'd follow your first post with mine.

I have struggled with pornography for most of my life. Pornography is an addiction that stimulates the brain in the same way certain addictive drugs do. I am sure that your husband probably thinks that there is no way you could possibly understand his "draw" to the images on the television set, magazines, the Internet etc... I am also pretty confident that he has been very secrative about this, he wouldn't want you to think there might be something distracting from your marriage. Before you make any rash decisions think about this....

Think about a young boy, age 12-15, that stumbles upon some of these images that are so destructive. This could set a person up for failure for a long time (I know). A person that age, or any age could easily begin pursuing this promise of "sexual fullfillment" and "lustful sensuality". Look at the society we live in, constantly glamorizing sexuality. The only relief I have found from this addiction of mine( and man, many others) has been through Jesus Christ.

I don't know if your husband is a religious guy or not but there are many good programs to help treat this problem. I personnally can recommend settingcaptivesfree/com (I can't post links because this in my first post) They have a support group for spouses facing the same issues you are. There are many other websites on the internet that can help you gain a better understanding of this complicated issue. Don't beat yourself up over it. Love your husband and he will see.

If your husband has been driven "underground" so to speak in his pursuit of this filth, he may believe that there is no way to resolve this addiction. No one to talk to, no one to understand etc.. He is not alone. I recently read some statistics that claim 60% of all Christian men have struggled with pornography to some extent. (I think I read this on Dr. Dobbson's www/family/org (no external links again...sigh...., great resource as well, just do a search on pornography)

Pornography promises the soul lots of things it can never deliver.

Sorry if I am rambling,
May the peace of Christ fill your life and may he bless you during your time of struggle



-Brian

The pornography viewing is not directed at you (mine was not due to the lack of a caring, loving wife with whom I am very much deeply in love), try to remember that. I agree that you and your marriage suffer from this problem. He has a heavy cross to carry and he has probably been carrying it so long that he doesn't know how to put it down, he may not even understand why he carries it.