I'm in a bad spot* Trigger Warning - inappropriate content & Ministry Help Needed*

[grandvizier1006]

I'm sorry, anewman, but you need to get a grip right now.

I've struggled with dirty stuff for a large portion of my life--just today I looked at something I shouldn't have without really meaning to. I wasn't even really aroused by it, it was just compulsive masturbation. And I cannot boast about a hundred-day record like you. Great job, btw, holding out for that long.

It's painful, I know, and I kmow it's hard for you to get out of the house and do,something else. I myself am stuck at home for long periods of time, and unlike you I waste it all even when I'm not looking at something dirty.

But it will be so much easier if you get rid of that "I failed once, so I have to start over" mindset. All you need to do is pick yourself up again, and you were doing so great before that you do not have to let this phase you.

Sometimes I do have those moments where I hold out for about a week, then I keep looking at stuff once or twice a day. But if you can just manage for those few initial days, you'll be in the clear.

 

[tall73]

Joe, the "ministry" and "trigger" information was added to the thread to warn people who may struggle with sexual sin that this thread could cause them issues by mentioning details about such issues.

In other words, it was meant to tell folks who may come to the Baptist section not knowing what they will find that this thread could be dangerous to them if they have a history of inappropriate content, etc.

 

[tall73]

One thing that you could consider is having your parents install OpenDNS or similar solution. It routes traffic through DNS servers and can be filtered by content. If your parents set it up they would have the password and you would be unable to change the settings for the internet in the entire home, whether wifi etc.

However, that just deals with the easy access part of the issue. The larger part is a spiritual one. It sounds like you are well aware of the problems associated with internet inappropriate content usage, including convicting of sin, shame, etc. and separating you from God.

It also does change your view of women as you alluded to. And chemically it causes overloads of dopamine when you are continually searching out new sexual images, causing brain re-wiring and an addictive response.

The sinful nature desires what is contrary to God, and this you know well enough. However, the Scriptures talk about God transforming your mind:

Rom 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
Rom 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

God is the one who has the power to transform our mind so that it is not conformed to the sinful world. We cannot transform our mind in this way on our own, regardless of the coping, avoiding techniques, etc. that we use. It is certainly not bad to avoid sin, and we want to physically remove ourselves from all temptation. However, temptation starts IN us:

Jas 1:14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
Jas 1:15 Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

The key is not to focus just on the sin. Right now inappropriate content and thoughts of masturbation are dominating your thoughts because your have wired your brain chemistry to respond. So simply thinking about how much you do not need to use inappropriate contentography will simply keep recalling the very problem of inappropriate contentography.

If it is the Spirit that will remove the problem then your focus must be on the Spirit more and more. There is no other solution but to remove yourself to a quiet place and focus on Christ. Notice, I didn't say focus on overcoming inappropriate content, but focus on Christ. Read His word, accept His grace to you, and ask the Spirit to make you what you should be.

Remember, Christ has the power to wash you, and sanctify, and justify you. There is hope for all who are living according to the flesh, and the early church was filled with people who were washed of soul destroying sins.

1Co 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
1Co 6:10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
1Co 6:11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.


Remember also Paul's encouragement:

Php 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:



As you walk in the Spirit He will fix your mind. You cannot do it by yourself. The question is not how often we will resist specific sins, but how often we submit ourselves to God's Spirit to walk in it, and He will live out His life in us.

 

[tall73]

As to the health problems, I have been dealing with that myself lately. It does put additional stress. I will be praying for you.

 

[anewman1993]

Joe, the "ministry" and "trigger" information was added to the thread to warn people who may struggle with sexual sin that this thread could cause them issues by mentioning details about such issues.

In other words, it was mean to tell folks who may come to the Baptist section not knowing what they will find that this thread could be dangerous to them if they have a history of inappropriate content, etc.

Yea the mods did a number on my title, everything after "I'm in a bad spot' was added by them. Its was more of a frustration vent post than anything. they also cut out a sentence or 2 because it "was vulgure" and "promoted" inappropriate content or something, which I REALLY don't understand since I was blunt, but hardly vulgure and certainly not promoting inappropriate content AT ALL. But I'm not going to sit and fight with the mods over 2 phrases.

Though it has had some strange responses, I'm always baffled by people who say "Just stop". Like, its not that simple, I wish it was, truth is its easier for me to go a few days without food than it is without inappropriate content, the cravings are just that strong. Saying "just stop" is like telling someone with a drug problem to "just stop", it shows they don't know what they are talking about and need to be ignored. And is only heightened when they seem to expect they leaders to be perfect. No, if you have a problem with inappropriate content you probably shouldn't be leading a church, but good luck finding a perfect human, and I would rather have a pastor who struggles with inappropriate content than who has an power or pride issue. But the point is that I"m not going to stop pursuing ministry because I struggle with something, thats letting satan win.

I'm not even sure why they moved this to the baptist section, I'm not even sure I would consider myself baptist anymore, I don't go to a baptist church though I was raised in one. Honestly I"m not even sure what the point of this thread is anymore.

 

[JM]

Take it to church...find a church and talk to the Elders. Joe is right when he posted that inappropriate content is evil and you will find help from God's people.

Yours in the Lord,

jm

 

[tall73]

Yea the mods did a number on my title, everything after "I'm in a bad spot' was added by them. Its was more of a frustration vent post than anything. they also cut out a sentence or 2 because it "was vulgure" and "promoted" inappropriate content or something, which I REALLY don't understand since I was blunt, but hardly vulgure and certainly not promoting inappropriate content AT ALL. But I'm not going to sit and fight with the mods over 2 phrases.

Though it has had some strange responses, I'm always baffled by people who say "Just stop". Like, its not that simple, I wish it was, truth is its easier for me to go a few days without food than it is without inappropriate content, the cravings are just that strong. Saying "just stop" is like telling someone with a drug problem to "just stop", it shows they don't know what they are talking about and need to be ignored. And is only heightened when they seem to expect they leaders to be perfect. No, if you have a problem with inappropriate content you probably shouldn't be leading a church, but good luck finding a perfect human, and I would rather have a pastor who struggles with inappropriate content than who has an power or pride issue. But the point is that I"m not going to stop pursuing ministry because I struggle with something, thats letting satan win.

I'm not even sure why they moved this to the baptist section, I'm not even sure I would consider myself baptist anymore, I don't go to a baptist church though I was raised in one. Honestly I"m not even sure what the point of this thread is anymore.

Brother, recent research confirms what you say that the cravings caused by internet inappropriate content are in fact similar at the chemical level to addiction to substances because they impact the Dopamine system in the same way.

So I do not doubt that the urges are strong. Part of the issue also is that inappropriate content is much worse than it used to be, always pushing stranger and stranger elements so that folks progress more and more. Research shows that "novel" images have a stronger impact on the chemistry. Often folks find that they click on an image or video and are excited, but it fades in a few moments so they click again. This continual seeking after new and more extreme imagery feeds into a chemical cycle.

Or to put it in Biblical language:

Eph 4:17 This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,
Eph 4:18 Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:
Eph 4:19 Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.

The inappropriate contentographers know that the more someone decides to click the next image, taking them further down the path of burning the conscience, and further down the path of degradation, and grieving the Spirit, the more they are ensnaring themselves.

That is why the mind transformation of the Spirit is so vital. The flesh has become accustomed to more and more. You are not strong enough to overcome it. But Christ is.

Php 2:13 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.

The reason the other poster mentioned the church is that you can have people praying for you, holding you accountable, providing Christian fellowship, etc. This is important. You were not meant to be going it alone.

I understand that if you are having digestive system issues it can be hard to leave the house. However, going to church is going to help you. A small group study might even help you more as you can get more one on one time with believers.

JM also mentioned the elders of the church. James speaks about anointing by the Elders for healing. They are also able to help through church discipline. Remember, church discipline is mean to help, not just kick folks out.

 

[anewman1993]

I just want to clear up some things really quick.

1) none of you have told me anything I didn't already know. I'm not saying that in a sense of "i know everyone", not remotly, but simply, you don't have to convince me that inappropriate content is bad, or why its bad. I'M VERY aware of how bad it is, which leads to my frustration, that even knowning how bad it is like an idiot sometimes i still give in.

2) I'm not just skipping church.I go EVERY SINGLE chance I get. i don't like missing. i go to the service, to bible studies, and durring the school year when the groups on campus meet i would sometimes be going to things 3-5 days a week. I go every chance i get, and one of the reasons is because i know that sometimes, i'm simply not going to be able to go, i'll have weeks where i'm unable to hardly leave the house at all. its ALWAYS hard to get it out, but some weeks its just impossible and i watch the sermon online.

3) I'm trying to be more involved in the church I'm in but its not a magic fixed. I know god can help me, and he has VASTLY changed me in the last few years, I can't even express how much, but belive it or no inappropriate content was NOT my biggest problem, a cause of my other problems, but to say I was apathetic is an understatement, I almost enjoyed watching people suffer. God has GREATLY changed me. I know he can,and I strive to follow him best I can. Being involved at church is very hard for me with my health. Its hard to get to know people, and truth be told I've always struggled with being social and making friend (Probably one of the many reasons Ive never had a girlfriend). But add onto the fact that I can't really serve any because I can't make a commitement with my health (seriously, I have no idea until about an hour or 2 before if I'm going to be able to make it to something I commited to, and I hate saying I"m coming then canceling). Because of that I'm not really around the church people much or get to know them, and don't really have a chance to become close with any of them.

 

[Bluelion]

Hi friend,
I am getting here late so I hope you have not been run off. I got a few things for you.
first I am going into ministry and suffer from the same addiction. Stop the guilt God does not do guilt. You need to ask for forgiveness of the sin each act of adultery. If you spent a long time on there you can say forgive me for many acts of adultery. This is accountability. You will get sick of asking keep doing it and be sincere , if your not no sense in asking. Know that God will forgive you every time. Thinking what Christ had to do for your forgiveness will make you break down and cry at some point. There is no reason you can not look a person in the eye after you have asked for forgiveness, the sin is no longer there. Just because you sin does not mean you can not preach, we all have our sin. People will tell you no you can't but that comes from an unforgiving heart. You know you need to get this under control, but you can't do it by your will power. You need to pray and keep praying and study Gods word and praise him. You need to offset the junk coming in with God get it? You need to explore why you do this. What I learned which surprised me was I hate it. I don't want to do it. You know who else felt that way, who did what he hated? Paul who wrote 13 books of the Bible. In time God will deliver you have faith.

As far as married, i felt the same way at your age it was not till I was 31 i met my wife, online. I was living with my mother off and on till i was 30. If a woman does not want you because you live at home she is not the right woman. That is a worldly reason not to date someone, and that is not the girl you are looking for. Just keep the faith and pray you will meet some one. God answers His children prayers. I too have an illness which prevents me from work, again the right woman will not care. As far as a woman who never has been with a man, you need to lighten up on that, you are being a hypocrite, and a true virgin is one who has not had any sexual relations of any kind. Doesn't mean go out in fornicate either. Be forgiving and you will have forgiveness.

There is a place you get to where you no longer care about sex. Most people think sex is the greatest thing ever, and I guess i did to until Jesus started revealing Him self to me. When you compare sex to Jesus(Heaven) it is nothing, it doesn't even matter you don't care about it. I go to that place now and then, but I also slip up and stumble back. What i know is it doesn't matter what I do, I am God's, and the truth is I have had my fill of sin and I do not want to sin any more. I long to be free from sin. Some people will say if you have Jesus you should be free from sin, to which God said any one who claims to be with out sin is a lair, exception being Jesus. Paul sinned. When we stop is when we are in our New bodies. Its not a license to sin either. We have forgiveness. If you are saved know you are only growing stronger. Trust me. Keep on turning to God. Keep on praying, and praising God. Think more about what it will be like to be free from it. To be in a place where it doesn't control you. look to those days, and keep hope, faith and Love.

 

[4x4toy]

Just another sin that so easily besets us .. We are all to inspect ourselves .. Sin crouches at our door seeking to devour , we must prevail over it .. Why do we do the things we don't want to do , but can't do the things we want to do .. The most heartfelt prayers sent to you , you need to keep fighting to cast out this sin .. You can have a powerful testimony to help others if you get the victory over this sin .. All of us here pray for your victory , we really do .. The prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective .. Sounds like the devil is determined to keep you from serving the Lord and tying to keep you in torment , nothing new , HE IS A LIAR .. Use Jesus name and power to wrest control back from the enemy .. Don't give up the fight , please , may your soul be restored .. We all need your testimony of Jesus and deliverance .. Continue to fill yourself with the Word until that is all that comes out of you .. We all offer advice and mine is to get up and strengthen yourself and change , get some more hobbies like even fishing .. It is common and expected to take hit after hit but just keep standing back up and fighting , you can rise up and win with Jesus help .. Jesus is convinced , now you be .. We all wait for your victory report .. Resist the devil and he will flee from you .. Peace ..