His inappropriate content Addiction is driving me crazy

[Wifey44]

I need some advice. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. Everything has been great, except for his inappropriate content addiction. We talked about everything before we got married, there were no secrets. He admitted his problem and vowed to make a change before our big day. I belived that he would and we prayed and talked about it, all seemed well.
We were both virgins before marriage. So we both anticipated our wedding night and had a great honeymoon. However, when we got home he seemed to be over it allready. I was the one always initating sex. After a month or two of marriage, I was suspicious and worried so I did some snooping on his phone and found inappropriate content sites. I found email replies to girls posting lude things on craigslist. Our first major fight and every single one of our fights since then have been because of his addiction.
I have never once turned him down for sex. I was always the one initiating for the first 7-8 months of marriage and i got turned down a lot. Due to that I rarely ask him for sex but I never say no...my point is he can get sex from me anytime, but he still would rather fall into this sin. I know its a addiction, I know its hard to beat, but its tearing us apart.
Divorce is not on the table for us and I love him so dearly but I dont know what to do. Every time I confront him he gets frightenly angry. It scares me so much because he is always a calm guy. Confronting him about his addiction just makes him extremely mad, he has even broken things due to it. He says he gets mad because I don't trust him and at this point I definitely don't. I don't obsess over checking his phone like I used to because I now know every single time I do that Im going to find something nasty. We use software that reports to me if he gets on lude websites but he finds ways around that. He goes on sites like pintrist, youtube, and Craigslist to get his fix...I just dont know what to do.
I could really use some prayers and some advice.
How do I confront him?
Should I be withholding sex?
What can I do to help him?

I know its not my fault...but i still feel like scum...I just want this to all go away.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

Do not withold sex from him but I would be inclined to tell him he needs to get rid of the smart phone that allows viewing of such things. I would also point him and you to something called Celebrate Recovery.
However, I do not see this as an addiction, I see this as an utter disrespect to your marriage vows. Maybe if you approached him that way he would understand better.

 

[Jeremy J]

"See to it brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today," so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the end." (Hebrews 3:12-14 NIV)

How often do the two of you read the bible and pray together? Are you two active in the church at all? Do you attend bible studies? Perhaps he needs more exposure to God's word. I recommend reading that chapter in Hebrews. The Author, who is unknown, mentions the dangers of becoming spiritually idle. For me, it was very sobering to read. I will pray that God places a relentless desire for righteousness and a hatred for wickedness in your husband's heart.

 

[SirKenin]

First things first. You knew he was into it. You believed what you wanted to hear, not what you observed and that was a big mistake. I'm sure you know that. NEVER believe what a man says as it's just crap to get into your panties (just enjoy it). Always believe what a man does. Observe his actions.

So, I hate to say it but you can't hold it against him now and try to manipulate and control the situation. You're looking to create peace and a jealous, nagging, manipulating wife is only going to create fury. I'm actually surprised you haven't been hurt yet from what I've read so far.

I'm not going to let him off the hook either. Any addiction is brought on by maladjustment in their formative years and is used to hide from their realities. This can take on any form, from Facebook, TV, alcohol, video games, text messaging, gambling, smoking, you name it. Saying "I'll stop" is meaningless unless the root cause is addressed. Dealing with surface issues is like throwing a dressing on a wound. It deals with the symptoms, not the cause, increasing the likelihood of reoccurrence. However, he's not here and I can't give you anything that would allow you to perpetuate this conflict and beat him over the head because you will likely get hurt.

It's time to put on the big girl panties, look inwards and see what can be done. I believe in accountability and taking back one's power. How did you manage to attract someone like this? It reveals something about you and what's going on inside (the fruits reveal the roots). Everything that happens in your life reveals something about you as a woman. Low self esteem? Insecurity? What damaged you so much that you were willing to compromise your terms just to get down that aisle? You want to get a handle on that because if it's not inappropriate content causing vexation, something else will instead.

Second, it's his process. You married him, you have to accept it or get out. You can NOT force him, browbeat him, manipulate him or control him to seek help. If he doesn't want to then you only have two choices. Get out, or deal with it. It's really very simple.

You don't have children, so why are you with him?

 

[Thunder Peel]

inappropriate content is tricky because you don't have to read a magazine or find a hardcore site to see it anymore. It's all over the place, from music videos and films to basic Google searches and Facebook. As our culture continues its moral decline these things become more accepted and available, which is unfortunate. The first time I was ever exposed to it was by accident on the Internet; I was horrified and realized I had been incredibly naïve about how prevalent it really is and how easy it is to find. It's like a drug: whether you wanted a taste or not, you're likely to come back and explore again. It's incredibly dangerous.

It's great that you're standing by him but I think you should have waited until this was under control being getting married. If this had been something deep in his past or an occasional sin that he was working on then that might be different, yet this seems to be a pervasive sin that requires more time and work than you may have realized. His mind needs to be reconditioned to seek intimacy with you more than a picture or video, which is easier said than done but still possible. You might want to work out a system with him where he comes to you when he's tempted and over time that drive can be leveled out to seek pleasure with you instead of with inappropriate content. However, that will only work if he's truly repentant and willing to do whatever it takes to beat this addiction. Does he seem grieved over his sin? Is he asking God to give him the strength to resist the temptation? If these signs aren't evident I would be concerned about his spiritual state. A follower of Christ will always feel deep remorse over their sin, no matter how many times they may stumble. His anger could either be guilt and frustration over his sin or it could be a sign of stubbornness and love for it. Only he and God can know for sure.

I'll be praying for you both. You're doing everything you can but you can't fight his battles for him. He needs to man up and seek God earnestly in this matter. That's the ONLY hope he has of beating this thing (and it CAN be beaten!). Let him know that you're standing by him and that he can be open and honest with you. Sometimes that alone can be a huge success factor.

 

[Edmond Smith]

Wifey44,
I will be praying for you and your husband. inappropriate content is an addiction. It has been proven to be and there are ways out of it.
I would suggest that you and your husband, if he will, try and have a consul meeting with your pastor. Pastors, especially those that have been around for awhile, know what to say and how to say it to help you and get your husband to see that he has a problem.
Like any other kind of addiction the one addicted needs to know he or she has the addiction. Then own up to it. Take responsibility for it and get the help needed to get away from it.
inappropriate content is especially difficult, but not to the point of giving up, it's difficult because in everyday life we all are inundated with sexually explicit media.
There is a really good video on YouTube made by Todd Friel called Slaying the Dragon. It's by-line is "Putting inappropriate contentography to death once and for all."
If you want you can order it online also...he has a website called www.wretchedradio.com.

And remember this.
It's not your fault. Put your faith in Christ. Give it to God. Everything, your marriage, your life, your husbands life and your children if you have any. God will and does answer prayers.
The War has been won, the battles have been put down, through Christ. We still have to keep the faith and run a good race.
God Bless, and again, I'll be praying for you.

 

[heliumskylark]

I don't have a lot of advice for you, wifey44, but I feel your pain. My husband and I went through something similar at the start of our marriage. Some of what you describe sounds very familiar - particularly the anger. I think inappropriate content use and anger often go hand in hand but I'm not sure why. Perhaps someone who's struggled with a inappropriate content addiction themselves will know. I suspect he probably feels incredibly guilty and part of the anger is a defense against that. If you've never struggled with inappropriate content it's easy to underestimate how incredibly difficult it is to give it up. As ThunderPeel says, it's everywhere, so even if you're doing your best to keep your mind pure it's constantly being invaded by suggestions and temptations.
I'm glad you know that it's not about you. It's not because you need to be more open or less open to sex, or to look different, or to be more [insert whatever] in the bedroom. The problem is in his mind. And until he really, really wants to change it - not just says he wants to change it because he knows that's the right answer - there's nothing anybody else can do to help him.
If he does get to the point where he wants to change, or where he's confessing to you, one thing that can help him is if you're gracious in your responses. I know it's hard when you feel like scum and you're angry with him for betraying you. We don't use any monitoring software, but my husband tells me when he slips up - which he still does occasionally. And although it still feels horrible, instead of freaking out, crying, manipulating, begging etc like I used to, I thank him for telling me, and we have a short, calm, honest talk about how it makes us both feel, and we pray about it. Some might say that you need to take a really hardline, zero tolerance approach, but in my experience that just drove him further away. Love is a far stronger motivator than fear.

 

[coloradoguy]

I need some advice. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. Everything has been great, except for his inappropriate content addiction. We talked about everything before we got married, there were no secrets. He admitted his problem and vowed to make a change before our big day. I belived that he would and we prayed and talked about it, all seemed well.
We were both virgins before marriage. So we both anticipated our wedding night and had a great honeymoon. However, when we got home he seemed to be over it allready. I was the one always initating sex. After a month or two of marriage, I was suspicious and worried so I did some snooping on his phone and found inappropriate content sites. I found email replies to girls posting lude things on craigslist. Our first major fight and every single one of our fights since then have been because of his addiction.
I have never once turned him down for sex. I was always the one initiating for the first 7-8 months of marriage and i got turned down a lot. Due to that I rarely ask him for sex but I never say no...my point is he can get sex from me anytime, but he still would rather fall into this sin. I know its a addiction, I know its hard to beat, but its tearing us apart.
Divorce is not on the table for us and I love him so dearly but I dont know what to do. Every time I confront him he gets frightenly angry. It scares me so much because he is always a calm guy. Confronting him about his addiction just makes him extremely mad, he has even broken things due to it. He says he gets mad because I don't trust him and at this point I definitely don't. I don't obsess over checking his phone like I used to because I now know every single time I do that Im going to find something nasty. We use software that reports to me if he gets on lude websites but he finds ways around that. He goes on sites like pintrist, youtube, and Craigslist to get his fix...I just dont know what to do.
I could really use some prayers and some advice.
How do I confront him?
Should I be withholding sex?
What can I do to help him?

I know its not my fault...but i still feel like scum...I just want this to all go away.

I used to have a big struggle with inappropriate content addiction, and even to this day I sometimes feel the urgel but I have much more control over them and haven't looked at inappropriate content in a long time. I think the biggest thing, which was the most beneficial for me, was encourage him to go to counseling about it. I was in counseling for several years and really got to the bottom of the causes and what was going on with my inappropriate content addiction. I can't say what the issue would be for him, but for me personally it was primarily loneliness.

The biggest thing you can do is support him, not in support what he's doing, but stand by his side as he fights the addiction. Pray for him, fight for him, etc. It's not going to be easy, inappropriate content is a strong master, and literally rewires the brain. Not only stand by his side, but encourage him to seek out support in his friends, or online. Personally, I'm a member of a Reddit community that offers support to those looking to break free from inappropriate content. The website is here: www.reddit.com/r/inappropriate contentfree/, there's all kind of resources there as well.

I will pray for both you and your husband, inappropriate content is a terrible, powerful thing, but it can be defeated.

 

[SirKenin]

What kills me is how many people are quick to cast the first stone. Let's look at that first. It's so easy to look at all the weeds in someone else's back yards so we don't have to pay attention to the garbage dump in our own. It placates us, vindicates us, satisfies us that "I'm not THAT bad" so that we don't have to do the work.

STOP IT. Stop throwing stones from glass houses.

inappropriate content is inappropriate content. It's an inanimate object. It's not the problem. The addiction to it is the problem. However...a big however...the addiction is only symptomatic of a deeper problem. If someone says "I quit my addiction to <insert relevant addiction here>" the next question is "So what addiction did you replace it with" because if you don't deal with the root issues then you still have a problem.

The Bible, since this is a Christian forum after all, talks about excess ("“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything." 1 Corinthians 6:12). In the Wiccan faith they talk about "Do what you will but harm none". The understanding is universal. The evil is in the excess. That means inappropriate content, Facebook, TV, your cell phone, alcohol, drugs, prescriptions, the computer, anything. Anything that takes us off point, consumes us and causes impairment. So before you start pointing your crooked, dirty little finger at the poor sap viewing inappropriate content all day, look in your own backyard and see what addictions are causing damage to your relationship. How many selfies have you posted on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram? How many times have you spent taking so many pictures of your kids and your food that you forgot to be present in the moment? How many times have you tried to make everyone around you think your life is so much better than it is? Go back over your Facebook feed if you need some insight.

So there's context.

In the case of you, Wifey, I have some more thoughts. Let's look at your path and what you can take away from it. Let's not worry about his path right now. Women love problems because it gives them status. The bigger the problem, the higher the status. I've mentioned this in other threads. The masochism that I sense from reading your post is pretty strong. You married a pretty big problem and it didn't take you long to start masochizing over it. Unconsciously you're really quite enjoying this problem. That is a neurotic tendency that's not going away by forcing someone else to stop embracing a inappropriate content addiction. It's something you'll need to gain an understanding around and deal with the root issues. Otherwise, in your never-ending need to suffer and have a problem you'll find something else. I know what's going through your mind: "I'm not really enjoying this. It makes me angry and hurt! Screw you!" That's what's called an ego defence and that's how you know you're a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

One thing will be your ego. It hurts your ego that he looks at inappropriate content. One of the first things that crossed your mind was "what is it about me? Why am I not good enough? Why can't he satisfy himself with me?" and then "How can I justify my bruised ego and place the blame on him?" I must say you did a pretty good job. inappropriate content!!! OH NO!!! All the Christians will SURELY jump to my defence.

Yeah, as you see it's an easy target that easily meets with indignation.

So I invite you to look inwards. Where did this masochistic tendency start from? What unresolved issues are you dealing with? Why did you marry this man?

You married him. You must now accept him as he is, in his entirety, giving him your full, irrevocable trust. Each of you trust that the other person is walking their path, learning the lessons they need to learn from this lifetime. Either support each other with love, compassion or understanding...

Or walk out.

 

[Edmond Smith]

What kills me is how many people are quick to cast the first stone. Let's look at that first. It's so easy to look at all the weeds in someone else's back yards so we don't have to pay attention to the garbage dump in our own. It placates us, vindicates us, satisfies us that "I'm not THAT bad" so that we don't have to do the work.

STOP IT. Stop throwing stones from glass houses.

inappropriate content is inappropriate content. It's an inanimate object. It's not the problem. The addiction to it is the problem. However...a big however...the addiction is only symptomatic of a deeper problem. If someone says "I quit my addiction to <insert relevant addiction here>" the next question is "So what addiction did you replace it with" because if you don't deal with the root issues then you still have a problem.

The Bible, since this is a Christian forum after all, talks about excess ("“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything." 1 Corinthians 6:12). In the Wiccan faith they talk about "Do what you will but harm none". The understanding is universal. The evil is in the excess. That means inappropriate content, Facebook, TV, your cell phone, alcohol, drugs, prescriptions, the computer, anything. Anything that takes us off point, consumes us and causes impairment. So before you start pointing your crooked, dirty little finger at the poor sap viewing inappropriate content all day, look in your own backyard and see what addictions are causing damage to your relationship. How many selfies have you posted on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram? How many times have you spent taking so many pictures of your kids and your food that you forgot to be present in the moment? How many times have you tried to make everyone around you think your life is so much better than it is? Go back over your Facebook feed if you need some insight.

So there's context.

In the case of you, Wifey, I have some more thoughts. Let's look at your path and what you can take away from it. Let's not worry about his path right now. Women love problems because it gives them status. The bigger the problem, the higher the status. I've mentioned this in other threads. The masochism that I sense from reading your post is pretty strong. You married a pretty big problem and it didn't take you long to start masochizing over it. Unconsciously you're really quite enjoying this problem. That is a neurotic tendency that's not going away by forcing someone else to stop embracing a inappropriate content addiction. It's something you'll need to gain an understanding around and deal with the root issues. Otherwise, in your never-ending need to suffer and have a problem you'll find something else. I know what's going through your mind: "I'm not really enjoying this. It makes me angry and hurt! Screw you!" That's what's called an ego defence and that's how you know you're a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

One thing will be your ego. It hurts your ego that he looks at inappropriate content. One of the first things that crossed your mind was "what is it about me? Why am I not good enough? Why can't he satisfy himself with me?" and then "How can I justify my bruised ego and place the blame on him?" I must say you did a pretty good job. inappropriate content!!! OH NO!!! All the Christians will SURELY jump to my defence.

Yeah, as you see it's an easy target that easily meets with indignation.

So I invite you to look inwards. Where did this masochistic tendency start from? What unresolved issues are you dealing with? Why did you marry this man?

You married him. You must now accept him as he is, in his entirety, giving him your full, irrevocable trust. Each of you trust that the other person is walking their path, learning the lessons they need to learn from this lifetime. Either support each other with love, compassion or understanding...

Or walk out.

You do realize that she came here on her own. To write about something that is troubling her and her marriage.
You do realize that it is her husband that is having the issue with inappropriate contentography, not her.

Attacking her. Isn't the answer.

She is trying to support her husband and her marriage with love, compassion and understanding. Yes, I agree we only see her side here. There is the husbands side also.

She did come here for advice...not to be blamed or slammed.

People often have some pretty ugly things to say about those of us who are born again. They say we're intolerant, mean, nasty, close-minded, stuck up, ignorant and many other verbs that are not very Christ like.
I wonder why?
Is it because when someone comes to us and ask for advice, we immediately go to the blame game.
Or is it because we are so caught up in our convictions that when anyone says anything close to why we feel like we're not living right....we fight back.

Wifey44...as I said earlier. Give It to God, stay in prayer. Ask your husband if he'd do some consulting.
Don't under any circumstance go to your pastor before you tell your husband your going to do so, he'll feel betrayed, just as you do and it will make matters worse.

Stay the course, Live for Christ, be that witness unto your husband as the scripture tells you and all of us to do.

1Co 7:14

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Co 7:15

But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
1Co 7:16

For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

As Paul writes here...you living your life as a good wife, Christ like, will be a witness to him, You could lead him to the Lord. It happens more than you know.

 

[farout]

I need some advice. My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. Everything has been great, except for his inappropriate content addiction. We talked about everything before we got married, there were no secrets. He admitted his problem and vowed to make a change before our big day. I belived that he would and we prayed and talked about it, all seemed well.
We were both virgins before marriage. So we both anticipated our wedding night and had a great honeymoon. However, when we got home he seemed to be over it allready. I was the one always initating sex. After a month or two of marriage, I was suspicious and worried so I did some snooping on his phone and found inappropriate content sites. I found email replies to girls posting lude things on craigslist. Our first major fight and every single one of our fights since then have been because of his addiction.
I have never once turned him down for sex. I was always the one initiating for the first 7-8 months of marriage and i got turned down a lot. Due to that I rarely ask him for sex but I never say no...my point is he can get sex from me anytime, but he still would rather fall into this sin. I know its a addiction, I know its hard to beat, but its tearing us apart.
Divorce is not on the table for us and I love him so dearly but I dont know what to do. Every time I confront him he gets frightenly angry. It scares me so much because he is always a calm guy. Confronting him about his addiction just makes him extremely mad, he has even broken things due to it. He says he gets mad because I don't trust him and at this point I definitely don't. I don't obsess over checking his phone like I used to because I now know every single time I do that Im going to find something nasty. We use software that reports to me if he gets on lude websites but he finds ways around that. He goes on sites like pintrist, youtube, and Craigslist to get his fix...I just dont know what to do.
I could really use some prayers and some advice.
How do I confront him?
Should I be withholding sex?
What can I do to help him?

I know its not my fault...but i still feel like scum...I just want this to all go away.

You are married to a man who is so addicted to paper sex he would rather touch while looking at these sinful objects on paper. The proof that he is so addicted he would rather use paper sex that love you. That is adultery by what Jesus said. This is a very sinfully sick man.

You need to tell him point blank you get help and never use inappropriate content again or we are done! There is a place called Every Mans Battle and there is a book by the same name. Unless you get him to change right now, he will be addicted for the rest of your marriage. There is little hope for your marriage unless this is taken care of ASAP. Essentially you are living with a man who has other women too. Do not settle for his slavery to Satan's best. The next step on this ladder to sexual addiction is cheating on you. I can not encourage you strongly enough to force his addiction to and end or I would divorce him, which is Biblical as every time he used inappropriate content he is committing adultery. If he takes the next step up the sexual addiction ladder, to actually being with outer women, you will be exposing your self to serious issues.

Before you get pregnant by him, stop having ant sexual contact with him until he gets help and is free od inappropriate content. This mor than likely will require a separation for a while. The odds that he will be willing to get help all depend on if he is a believer in Christ. however if he has gone so far into inappropriate content it is doubtful

You need counseling your self as this is abuse to you as well. call your pastor or find a Christian Counseling center. This addiction is not what you can build a marriage on. I can't make the point strong enough to tell him it's you or the inappropriate content that one has to go and to make up his mind NOW. God does not expect you to tolerate adultery, as it will destroy him and you. Put you foot down. This if a seriously flaw in him that should have been removed before you married him. If he does not end the inappropriate content now he likely won't. I have heard of a man who was 78 years old and on his death bed he cried out that he had this inappropriate content addiction form a young man and never could brake the habit.

My prayers are for you. You have many on CF praying for you that God will heal your marriage.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

(LONG post warning lol)

Kinda scary how many are essentially saying to divorce him, which isn't allowed on this forum. Thats the problem with modern christianity in america, divorce is the easy and fast answer. But its not the right one. You can marry someone that is essentially close to Jesus when it comes to who your looking for, but it doesn't mean they will always stay like that. Many marry "perfect" people who then later end up with a new issue. inappropriate content addiction, cheating, abuse, PTSD...etc. This is why kids, especially little girls should not see movies that are "happily ever after" because it gives them false ideas on how marriage works. In real life you marry someone imperfect who has flaws. Sometimes flaws that will make you want to throw them out a window. But you don't marry them to fix them. You marry them because you love them and want to make it work. You fight for your love. You realize they may not change for the best. Or they may change for the worst.

With that said you got alot of good answers (along with some people missing their own logs in their eyes). If someone has viewed inappropriate content since they were young then its embedded in their brains. Anything can turn them to looking at it. Like if your at a beach and they see a woman whos bikini is to "small" and it may cause them to stumble. Then they may go home and look at inappropriate content because their mind has been set to "horny" mode. Yes, they should turn to their spouse, but this inappropriate content addiction isn't as easy to fix as most make it out to be. There are few that stop cold turkey. For others it can be a struggle. They may stop over months period. Years even. And even when the addiction is gone the devil doesn't say "Hmm, looks like hes not falling for my tricks anymore. Guess I'll stop now!". He will always be there waiting for a crack in the persons armor to get in. Just to make him have one corrupt thought. For my dad he said he stopped cold turkey after he married my mom. 35+ years later I've caught him on Youtube looking up sexual things. Mind you his male parts don't work anymore so he can't do anything. So it adds strain to his temptation I am sure. No sex for some people can be like telling them not to breath...ever.

Your husband needs your support. He needs to tell you when he feels an urge to look at inappropriate content. He needs to turn to you to fulfill that desire. Doing what other say like threatening him will not only put up a shield, but it will make him angry and say "Fine, if your going to get angry I am going to ignore you and look at more!". Ask him if he feels somethings lacking in your sex life that makes him turn back to the inappropriate content. Maybe you two can find out what that is and work on it so he turns to you more then inappropriate content. I can tell you I had a BAD inappropriate content addiction growing up. The allure is being able to see something different or new all the time. I will not goo into TMI because of the topic but theres so many different types of bodies, , shapes, sizes...etc. Then you get into turn ons people do (aka a fetish). inappropriate content is like any other addiction, its a blackhole that always has something to satisfy anyone who may be looking for anything. The more you corrupt your mind with it, the more you get tempted by anything you do in life. Walking down the beach as I said earlier.

My gateway to it was National Geographic. Seeing naked women from africa in it started me down my path. I was curious what breasts looked like on other women. Then I found out then got into other aspects of breasts. That morphed into curiosity about other parts of their body. So on and so on. Its true sometimes inappropriate content is a gateway to actual sexual things with other people. I don't know the stats but I'd say its 50/50 on someone going down that route. I notice though often it happens when someone is not having sex. Such as in a marriage where they are denied all the time.

Thankfully for me I trained my brain about alot of things. Like the difference between natural normal things (like a tribal woman) and non-natural things that are wrong like sex scenes in a movie. Thus I don't get tempted or turned on when I see a tribal woman. Its as natural to me as a mother breastfeeding. And when married a former inappropriate content addict needs to realize his/her sexual needs ONLY should come from their spouse. No other person. No digital person. Because you are in essence cheating on your spouse by looking at someone else. Especially if your masturbating to that something else. My wife and I have been married over two years now. She has some pain issues in her lady parts. We both have sex drives but often we don't do anything because of the pain. I don't hold it against her (though many spouses hold that sort of things against their spouse). But we both have temptations online sometimes. And we have confessed when we have done so. We always work on it. Until she can see her doctor we stay strong and are intimate when we can be.

So we both anticipated our wedding night and had a great honeymoon. However, when we got home he seemed to be over it allready.

Sadly a side affect of addiction is your honeymoon may feel boring because what you see online is way more stimulating to your brain. After the first few times he may feel like "Eh, inappropriate content online fulfills me more!". Especially as stated before because it offers variety. In his mind hes seen your body and may feel bored by it. Another side affect of inappropriate content is his expectation of what sex would be like does not match what inappropriate content showed him sex was like. The girls online are always having "perfect" sex in his mind. He doesn't realize thats not how sex is in real life. They are paid actors to have fake sex (well you know what I mean). So he needs to realize inappropriate content is a false version of sex. He needs to realize what you offer is real life when it comes to sex. And he needs to enjoy it. Of course theres nothing wrong with spicing up things of course, many couples do overtime since things can feel the same after awhile. In the end he still needs to address those things to you though. If he wants to try something new with you then let him (if your ok with it of course). Just don't do what he wants though (even if you don't like it) just to appease him. I've seen to many spouses do HORRIBLE things that they hate just to make their spouse happy.

I found email replies to girls posting lude things on craigslist

Mmm, inappropriate content is horrible but talking to actual women about sex is worse. It could lead to other things.

Divorce is not on the table for us

Thats good. Marriage means hard work and hard times. You have to work through this battle. You need to have good communication. Pray, read your bible... go to a support group if you can. Get him into counseling if you can. I know you mentioned a phone, but if you use a computer then install this:
http://www1.k9webprotection.com/

Its made by christians. Its basically a inappropriate content filter for your internet. You can set it up so it blocks anything you want it to. Even non-inappropriate content things like drug stuff and so on. I use it and it is a great tool! Maybe get rid of his phone and buy a simple pay as you go phone. Its limiting because you can only use it for phone use, but it means he has no way to access the internet. Unless you have a computer or something. And in that case use that software I showed you.

We use software that reports to me if he gets on lude websites but he finds ways around that. He goes on sites like pintrist, youtube, and Craigslist to get his fix...I just dont know what to do.

Ah I see. Since you already use software then try the one I mentioned. You can add sites that can be blocked like "youtube.com". This way he can't access it. You can even use a password so he can't change the settings without the password. Granted it he could always uninstall it. But its worth it to try it. Frankly there will always be ways to access sex stuff online. Ads themselves can have sexual stuff. Even going to lets say gaming sites for kids, there may be people posting bad stuff in it on purpose. You could always cancel your internet. Its an extreme measure but you have to do what you have to. Maybe get rid of the computer too. Or take away the power cord or mouse...etc.

Confronting him about his addiction just makes him extremely mad, he has even broken things due to it. He says he gets mad because I don't trust him and at this point I definitely don't.

This is very concerning. Prying will cause people to put up defenses. But your between a rock and a rock right now. Ask him "If I can trust you show me your phone right now, no questions asked, no fiddling with it first!". If he says no then say "Thats why I can't trust you! If you have nothing to hide then theres no reason I can't see your phone!". Some will say its about privacy, but while that may be true, its a marriage. Your open with each other. Not 50/50. My spouse and I keep nothing from each other. We have access to our phones, facebook, emails....etc.

Next I'd tell him (for reassurance) "Listen honey, if you let me check your phone at random just for awhile and I see nothing, assuming you agree not to erase anything, the I will trust you and never look again!". Trust needs to be built back up, he needs to understand that your distrustful for a reason. If he can't even agree to that or just continues to look and be angry then the next step is counseling, by a christian. And of course pray, pray and pray!

 

[SirKenin]

She did come here for advice...not to be blamed or slammed.

People often have some pretty ugly things to say about those of us who are born again. They say we're intolerant, mean, nasty, close-minded, stuck up, ignorant and many other verbs that are not very Christ like.
I wonder why?
Is it because when someone comes to us and ask for advice, we immediately go to the blame game.

Exactly. This isn't a blame game. I think you misconstrued everything I said.

Rather than scratch the itch, deal with the source of the itch. This is about accountability and what part can WE do? What work can WE do? What do WE have control over and how do WE take our power back?

The worst thing you can do is counsel someone in how to "lay down the law" or control or manipulate or avoid accountability. She's already alluded to the fact that he's gotten violent when she tried that before. So what happens when she tries it again and he beats her or even worse? Where are you going to be then? "Oh you HAVE to leave him! What a bad person!!" forgetting the person that gave her the bad advice to begin with.

Quite frankly by pampering the victim mentality and trying to counsel based on half a story doesn't serve anyone. All you do is add fuel to the fire, so when everything hits the fan, well...you can just wash your hands and walk away, right? You can just say "oh well I was just blathering away from the safety of my keyboard". There's no consequence to you now is there? So you can just type whatever you want to scratch your own itch. It's not your marriage after all, it's not your personal safety and it's a lot easier than looking in your own backyard.

So. Rather than counselling someone on how to change someone else, which is actually impossible, why not help them with action steps that THEY can do? Rather than leave them feeling powerless and victimized, why not empower them? Why not keep things simple and manageable? Why not address the root issues?

Because you don't know how and you don't know what they are. You only know how to placate and blow sunshine up someone's behind. This isn't stuff I made up. This is hard work I've been doing for years. If she doesn't want action steps and only wants someone to pat her on the back and go "there there you poor victim. He's such a SINNER" then you're doing a good job. Keep it up. Just make sure you're perfect first.

"More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them." - Harold J. Smith

 

[Edmond Smith]

Rather than scratch the itch, deal with the source of the itch. This is about accountability and what part can WE do? What work can WE do? What do WE have control over and how do WE take our power back?

Our accountability is to God first. What WE can do is have faith in Him and know that He will find a way. Yes, we have to put something into action, I agree, but we never turn to the world for it's answers, because it's first line of defense is "dump him or her."
Control? We aren't in control. If we have surrendered our lives to Christ as we say we have, we have surrendered our lives to be like Christ. If they haven't surrendered their lives and marriage to God, then bringing the Gospel will be of good report to them.
The problem usually stems from us trying to take control from God...we mess things up..He doesn't.

Matthew 23:4 says this about us putting on our own burdens.
For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.

We can't fix it...God can.

The worst thing you can do is counsel someone in how to "lay down the law" or control or manipulate or avoid accountability. She's already alluded to the fact that he's gotten violent when she tried that before. So what happens when she tries it again and he beats her or even worse? Where are you going to be then? "Oh you HAVE to leave him! What a bad person!!" forgetting the person that gave her the bad advice to begin with.

No, the worst thing you can do in counseling someone is to forget who lets' you counsel someone. Christ. The worst thing is not tell someone to put the faith in Christ. I agree she has alluded to his anger. This will be where she would have to give it to God, trust Him and know that He is in control. She just needs to learn, which we are all guilty of and need to do more of, to stand still and know He is God. Sometimes the best thing she could say to her husband...in nothing. Let God handle it.
I'll be on my knees praying for her, believing that God will not only deliver, but also protect.

Quite frankly by pampering the victim mentality and trying to counsel based on half a story doesn't serve anyone. All you do is add fuel to the fire, so when everything hits the fan, well...you can just wash your hands and walk away, right? You can just say "oh well I was just blathering away from the safety of my keyboard". There's no consequence to you now is there? So you can just type whatever you want to scratch your own itch. It's not your marriage after all, it's not your personal safety and it's a lot easier than looking in your own backyard.

There is consequences to me and you if you claim to be Born Again or Christian.

Ezekiel 3:18 When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand.

No one said anything about pampering anyone. I can't just walk away and wash my hands. At least I get my hands dirty and do the right thing. But I can't. If your Born Again, I am, it is our responsibility to spread the gospel and that is done with love, meekness, gentleness, compassion and truth. If you don't get your hands dirty, yours will be bloody.

So. Rather than counselling someone on how to change someone else, which is actually impossible, why not help them with action steps that THEY can do? Rather than leave them feeling powerless and victimized, why not empower them? Why not keep things simple and manageable? Why not address the root issues?

Is this what you did?

In the case of you, Wifey, I have some more thoughts. Let's look at your path and what you can take away from it. Let's not worry about his path right now. Women love problems because it gives them status. The bigger the problem, the higher the status. I've mentioned this in other threads. The masochism that I sense from reading your post is pretty strong. You married a pretty big problem and it didn't take you long to start masochizing over it. Unconsciously you're really quite enjoying this problem. That is a neurotic tendency that's not going away by forcing someone else to stop embracing a inappropriate content addiction. It's something you'll need to gain an understanding around and deal with the root issues. Otherwise, in your never-ending need to suffer and have a problem you'll find something else. I know what's going through your mind: "I'm not really enjoying this. It makes me angry and hurt! Screw you!" That's what's called an ego defence and that's how you know you're a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

One thing will be your ego. It hurts your ego that he looks at inappropriate content. One of the first things that crossed your mind was "what is it about me? Why am I not good enough? Why can't he satisfy himself with me?" and then "How can I justify my bruised ego and place the blame on him?" I must say you did a pretty good job. inappropriate content!!! OH NO!!! All the Christians will SURELY jump to my defence.

Yeah, as you see it's an easy target that easily meets with indignation.

So I invite you to look inwards. Where did this masochistic tendency start from? What unresolved issues are you dealing with? Why did you marry this man?

You married him. You must now accept him as he is, in his entirety, giving him your full, irrevocable trust. Each of you trust that the other person is walking their path, learning the lessons they need to learn from this lifetime. Either support each other with love, compassion or understanding...

Or walk out.

You didn't. According to you. It's her fault. I don't think I misconstrued anything you said.

Because you don't know how and you don't know what they are. You only know how to placate and blow sunshine up someone's behind. This isn't stuff I made up. This is hard work I've been doing for years. If she doesn't want action steps and only wants someone to pat her on the back and go "there there you poor victim. He's such a SINNER" then you're doing a good job. Keep it up. Just make sure you're perfect first.

I know that this is a Christian forum. I know that I'm Born Again. I know that she came to us for advice and help. I know she didn't come here to get ridiculed and railed at by someone. I know that Christ is the only answer for her and for her husband and marriage. I know that Christ showed compassion to those who were in trouble. I also know there is a time and place for everything. I don't need to know how or what they are. I know they are human and need Christ. They already know that sin abounds where inappropriate contentography exist. There is only way, Christ.

Also, I didn't make this up either...God did. And He has been at it a lot longer than you or I will ever be.

 

[SirKenin]

We aren't in control.

That's very pacifist of you. It's also incorrect and an excuse for inactivity.

If you asked me to build you a house, but you stood by and did nothing but watch me build it, I'm not actually helping you. I'm doing it for you. God doesn't work that way, but many Christians misuse the sentiment that God will provide according to His will and in His timing. They expect God to do everything Himself.

"God helps those who help themselves" - Algernon Sydney

This goes both ways, both for Wifey and her husband. God isn't her homie. He's not going to go beat him over the head until he conforms. Wifey needs to take action rather than giving away all her power and look inside to see what action she needs to take for herself. I pointed out some of those (rather obvious) things to help her.

So, you need to be in the activity of effecting change. The only person you can change is yourself. In Shamanism they say that you cannot "cocreate in someone else's sacred space". What that is referring to is that you each have your own way and your own will, your own essence and your own sacred space. You cannot force your will onto someone else. She needs to effect the changes necessary to be a loving, supporting wife to her husband and allow him to go through his process and learn the lessons that his soul came here to learn. She has no RIGHT to be interfering and trying to manipulate and control that. Her rights end where his begin. If she can't do that, the only option she has to remove herself from the situation until she can. To do otherwise is to be abusive.

You are making stuff up and misusing/misinterpreting the Sacred Law to suit your own ego and pacifism. That's a deadly combination. I encourage you to take a look at that.

 

[ValleyGal]

Whether this is an addiction or not, it is harmful to your marriage and you may need to look at a few things: boundaries (what will/won't you accept and what are you willing to do in response to his issue), values (does he value you and your marriage more than he values is right to view inappropriate content), motivation (what are his strongest motivators and are they enough), how much are both of you willing to do in order to save the marriage, and other such questions.

When one of my exes was satisfying himself using inappropriate content, I told him straight out that I am not willing to share my body with someone who chooses to share his body with an image of someone else. I then took a beating for it which resulted in my insistence that he move out until the issue was resolved. It never was and we divorced. The marriage was one month old. For me, inappropriate content was a deal breaker. It might not be for you, though, so you need to figure out how long and how much you will and won't accept, and how much you are willing to support his recovery from this - assuming he is willing to recover.

You need to figure that part out - whether he is willing to address the issue and how sincere he is when he says he is willing. Does he see it as sin or as addiction? If he says he will get help for it, when will he be seeking it and from who? Does he care about how his issue affects you? If he cares, you are halfway there.... commitment is the combination of care and consistency. Iow, if he is committed to you and the marriage, he will care about how you feel and consistently work towards addressing the problem for your sake.

What will motivate him? Does sex motivate him to look at it? If so, then promise sex as he accomplishes milestones, such as using a inappropriate content-block, acquiring an accountability partner, being inappropriate content-free for two weeks, etc. What might motivate him to stop looking at it? If it is the idea of starting a family, that might be something to talk about - ie, what if you have a daughter and she catches him using inappropriate content, or what if his daughter became a inappropriate content star? Those could be eye-opening conversations to have for a man who cares about his children's integrity.

How far are you both willing to go in your own personal growth to figure out how to best eradicate inappropriate content from your marriage? Maybe you should both talk to your pastor about the problem and see what s/he suggests. RPD suggested Celebrate Recovery. There is another program called Freedom Session (.org, if you want to look it up) which is a healing and discipleship program that teaches Christians about authentic living - which includes addressing hurts, habits and hangups, but also addresses character defects, unhealthy patterns in relationships, etc.

Recovering your marriage from the devastation of inappropriate content is going to be a long and painful road that will uncover a lot of "stuff" for both of you, but if you are committed and doing the hard work, it can be incredibly rewarding for you each as well as create a deeper sense of vulnerable authenticity in your intimacy with each other (not just sexual).

 

[ValleyGal]

That's very pacifist of you. It's also incorrect and an excuse for inactivity.

Pardon my cutting in here, but admitting we have no control is actually part of the 12 steps programs. It isn't about pacifism so much as it is about admitting we are powerless over our addictions and harmful behaviours, which is very true when someone is in the midst of addiction. The point is learning how to be proactive then, in recovering from the addiction. It's about saying "this addiction has me beat! But there is a way out and now rather than submit to the addiction, I need to submit to the work of the Spirit."

 

[SirKenin]

Pardon my cutting in here, but admitting we have no control is actually part of the 12 steps programs. It isn't about pacifism so much as it is about admitting we are powerless over our addictions and harmful behaviours, which is very true when someone is in the midst of addiction. The point is learning how to be proactive then, in recovering from the addiction. It's about saying "this addiction has me beat! But there is a way out and now rather than submit to the addiction, I need to submit to the work of the Spirit."

"Be the change you want to see"

 

[farout]

(LONG post warning lol)

Kinda scary how many are essentially saying to divorce him, which isn't allowed on this forum. Thats the problem with modern christianity in america, divorce is the easy and fast answer. But its not the right one. You can marry someone that is essentially close to Jesus when it comes to who your looking for, but it doesn't mean they will always stay like that. Many marry "perfect" people who then later end up with a new issue. inappropriate content addiction, cheating, abuse, PTSD...etc. This is why kids, especially little girls should not see movies that are "happily ever after" because it gives them false ideas on how marriage works. In real life you marry someone imperfect who has flaws. Sometimes flaws that will make you want to throw them out a window. But you don't marry them to fix them. You marry them because you love them and want to make it work. You fight for your love. You realize they may not change for the best. Or they may change for the worst.

With that said you got alot of good answers (along with some people missing their own logs in their eyes). If someone has viewed inappropriate content since they were young then its embedded in their brains. Anything can turn them to looking at it. Like if your at a beach and they see a woman whos bikini is to "small" and it may cause them to stumble. Then they may go home and look at inappropriate content because their mind has been set to "horny" mode. Yes, they should turn to their spouse, but this inappropriate content addiction isn't as easy to fix as most make it out to be. There are few that stop cold turkey. For others it can be a struggle. They may stop over months period. Years even. And even when the addiction is gone the devil doesn't say "Hmm, looks like hes not falling for my tricks anymore. Guess I'll stop now!". He will always be there waiting for a crack in the persons armor to get in. Just to make him have one corrupt thought. For my dad he said he stopped cold turkey after he married my mom. 35+ years later I've caught him on Youtube looking up sexual things. Mind you his male parts don't work anymore so he can't do anything. So it adds strain to his temptation I am sure. No sex for some people can be like telling them not to breath...ever.

Your husband needs your support. He needs to tell you when he feels an urge to look at inappropriate content. He needs to turn to you to fulfill that desire. Doing what other say like threatening him will not only put up a shield, but it will make him angry and say "Fine, if your going to get angry I am going to ignore you and look at more!". Ask him if he feels somethings lacking in your sex life that makes him turn back to the inappropriate content. Maybe you two can find out what that is and work on it so he turns to you more then inappropriate content. I can tell you I had a BAD inappropriate content addiction growing up. The allure is being able to see something different or new all the time. I will not goo into TMI because of the topic but theres so many different types of bodies, , shapes, sizes...etc. Then you get into turn ons people do (aka a fetish). inappropriate content is like any other addiction, its a blackhole that always has something to satisfy anyone who may be looking for anything. The more you corrupt your mind with it, the more you get tempted by anything you do in life. Walking down the beach as I said earlier.

My gateway to it was National Geographic. Seeing naked women from africa in it started me down my path. I was curious what breasts looked like on other women. Then I found out then got into other aspects of breasts. That morphed into curiosity about other parts of their body. So on and so on. Its true sometimes inappropriate content is a gateway to actual sexual things with other people. I don't know the stats but I'd say its 50/50 on someone going down that route. I notice though often it happens when someone is not having sex. Such as in a marriage where they are denied all the time.

Thankfully for me I trained my brain about alot of things. Like the difference between natural normal things (like a tribal woman) and non-natural things that are wrong like sex scenes in a movie. Thus I don't get tempted or turned on when I see a tribal woman. Its as natural to me as a mother breastfeeding. And when married a former inappropriate content addict needs to realize his/her sexual needs ONLY should come from their spouse. No other person. No digital person. Because you are in essence cheating on your spouse by looking at someone else. Especially if your masturbating to that something else. My wife and I have been married over two years now. She has some pain issues in her lady parts. We both have sex drives but often we don't do anything because of the pain. I don't hold it against her (though many spouses hold that sort of things against their spouse). But we both have temptations online sometimes. And we have confessed when we have done so. We always work on it. Until she can see her doctor we stay strong and are intimate when we can be.


Sadly a side affect of addiction is your honeymoon may feel boring because what you see online is way more stimulating to your brain. After the first few times he may feel like "Eh, inappropriate content online fulfills me more!". Especially as stated before because it offers variety. In his mind hes seen your body and may feel bored by it. Another side affect of inappropriate content is his expectation of what sex would be like does not match what inappropriate content showed him sex was like. The girls online are always having "perfect" sex in his mind. He doesn't realize thats not how sex is in real life. They are paid actors to have fake sex (well you know what I mean). So he needs to realize inappropriate content is a false version of sex. He needs to realize what you offer is real life when it comes to sex. And he needs to enjoy it. Of course theres nothing wrong with spicing up things of course, many couples do overtime since things can feel the same after awhile. In the end he still needs to address those things to you though. If he wants to try something new with you then let him (if your ok with it of course). Just don't do what he wants though (even if you don't like it) just to appease him. I've seen to many spouses do HORRIBLE things that they hate just to make their spouse happy.


Mmm, inappropriate content is horrible but talking to actual women about sex is worse. It could lead to other things.


Thats good. Marriage means hard work and hard times. You have to work through this battle. You need to have good communication. Pray, read your bible... go to a support group if you can. Get him into counseling if you can. I know you mentioned a phone, but if you use a computer then install this:
http://www1.k9webprotection.com/

Its made by christians. Its basically a inappropriate content filter for your internet. You can set it up so it blocks anything you want it to. Even non-inappropriate content things like drug stuff and so on. I use it and it is a great tool! Maybe get rid of his phone and buy a simple pay as you go phone. Its limiting because you can only use it for phone use, but it means he has no way to access the internet. Unless you have a computer or something. And in that case use that software I showed you.


Ah I see. Since you already use software then try the one I mentioned. You can add sites that can be blocked like "youtube.com". This way he can't access it. You can even use a password so he can't change the settings without the password. Granted it he could always uninstall it. But its worth it to try it. Frankly there will always be ways to access sex stuff online. Ads themselves can have sexual stuff. Even going to lets say gaming sites for kids, there may be people posting bad stuff in it on purpose. You could always cancel your internet. Its an extreme measure but you have to do what you have to. Maybe get rid of the computer too. Or take away the power cord or mouse...etc.


This is very concerning. Prying will cause people to put up defenses. But your between a rock and a rock right now. Ask him "If I can trust you show me your phone right now, no questions asked, no fiddling with it first!". If he says no then say "Thats why I can't trust you! If you have nothing to hide then theres no reason I can't see your phone!". Some will say its about privacy, but while that may be true, its a marriage. Your open with each other. Not 50/50. My spouse and I keep nothing from each other. We have access to our phones, facebook, emails....etc.

Next I'd tell him (for reassurance) "Listen honey, if you let me check your phone at random just for awhile and I see nothing, assuming you agree not to erase anything, the I will trust you and never look again!". Trust needs to be built back up, he needs to understand that your distrustful for a reason. If he can't even agree to that or just continues to look and be angry then the next step is counseling, by a christian. And of course pray, pray and pray!

Our accountability is to God first. What WE can do is have faith in Him and know that He will find a way. Yes, we have to put something into action, I agree, but we never turn to the world for it's answers, because it's first line of defense is "dump him or her."
Control? We aren't in control. If we have surrendered our lives to Christ as we say we have, we have surrendered our lives to be like Christ. If they haven't surrendered their lives and marriage to God, then bringing the Gospel will be of good report to them.
The problem usually stems from us trying to take control from God...we mess things up..He doesn't.

Matthew 23:4 says this about us putting on our own burdens.
For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.

We can't fix it...God can.



No, the worst thing you can do in counseling someone is to forget who lets' you counsel someone. Christ. The worst thing is not tell someone to put the faith in Christ. I agree she has alluded to his anger. This will be where she would have to give it to God, trust Him and know that He is in control. She just needs to learn, which we are all guilty of and need to do more of, to stand still and know He is God. Sometimes the best thing she could say to her husband...in nothing. Let God handle it.
I'll be on my knees praying for her, believing that God will not only deliver, but also protect.



There is consequences to me and you if you claim to be Born Again or Christian.

Ezekiel 3:18 When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand.

No one said anything about pampering anyone. I can't just walk away and wash my hands. At least I get my hands dirty and do the right thing. But I can't. If your Born Again, I am, it is our responsibility to spread the gospel and that is done with love, meekness, gentleness, compassion and truth. If you don't get your hands dirty, yours will be bloody.



Is this what you did?



You didn't. According to you. It's her fault. I don't think I misconstrued anything you said.



I know that this is a Christian forum. I know that I'm Born Again. I know that she came to us for advice and help. I know she didn't come here to get ridiculed and railed at by someone. I know that Christ is the only answer for her and for her husband and marriage. I know that Christ showed compassion to those who were in trouble. I also know there is a time and place for everything. I don't need to know how or what they are. I know they are human and need Christ. They already know that sin abounds where inappropriate contentography exist. There is only way, Christ.

Also, I didn't make this up either...God did. And He has been at it a lot longer than you or I will ever be.

You have a number of good points. However for sexual unfaithfulness, committing adultery yes Jesus did say divorce was an option. I an m retired. I was a pastor and was a trained counselor, and had a counseling center in Phoenix Arizona. We dealt with issues like this and believe me you have said very valid things. Seldom do men brake their sinful sexual addiction to inappropriate content. I have seem men cry and beg and try but as soon as they were tempted they started again. Unless a man really wants to brake what I have come to call it "Satan's best trap", and a sincere desire meaning almost as much as they want air. I suggest the Every Man's Battle conferences, followed by the Christian counseling they have, I see a long long road for this man to finally get free form Satan's trap that has in in slavery.

Yes I am aware that most men started in inappropriate content when they were 10 years old! These smut magazines are a National problem. Sadly it is reported 65% of men in most churches view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Do Christian men have a huge problem? Worse yet the number of pastors in inappropriate content will make you cry. This is truly a trap put out for men by Satan. This is his very best trap he has, than men will continue to pay for. Perhaps the next big problem for Christians both men and women is R rated movies and even some lessor rated soft inappropriate content movies. But this is a more respectable sin.

This wife has to bring this to a point where he chooses her or the inappropriate content, To continue on with allowing him use inappropriate content and her has to stop. Unless this man either comes to Christ(which I think is a part of the problem) and gets addiction help long term with accountability, or she need to leave him. This marriage was based on him saying he was not doing inappropriate content any more. Which was a lie. She would be within a Christians right to leave him.

 

[ValleyGal]

"Be the change you want to see"

We (Christians) can be the change we want to see, but we also acknowledge that without the Lord Jesus, there is nothing good and we cannot do anything good in our own strength/power. The Spirit compels us....