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<blockquote data-quote="BlueJay180" data-source="post: 54566345" data-attributes="member: 111293"><p>The bloopers below are said to be written by actual students and are "genuine, authentic, and unretouched". They were compiled by Richard Lederer, and appeared in the December 31, 1995 issue of National Review magazine. It is truly astonishing what happens in Bible stories when they are retold by young scholars around the world.</p><p> </p><p>In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.</p><p> </p><p>Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark which the animals came on to in pears.</p><p> </p><p>Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.</p><p> </p><p>Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.</p><p> </p><p>Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Ammendements.</p><p> </p><p>The First Commandment uis when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.</p><p> </p><p>Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.</p><p> </p><p>David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.</p><p> </p><p>Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.</p><p> </p><p>Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also said, "Man does not live by sweat alone."</p><p> </p><p>The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was Saint Matthew who was by profession a taximan.</p><p> </p><p>St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.</p><p> </p><p>A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BlueJay180, post: 54566345, member: 111293"] The bloopers below are said to be written by actual students and are "genuine, authentic, and unretouched". They were compiled by Richard Lederer, and appeared in the December 31, 1995 issue of National Review magazine. It is truly astonishing what happens in Bible stories when they are retold by young scholars around the world. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark which the animals came on to in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Ammendements. The First Commandment uis when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also said, "Man does not live by sweat alone." The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was Saint Matthew who was by profession a taximan. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony. [/QUOTE]
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