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Cheating on girlfriend.

Discussion in 'For New Christians' started by ChickenSoup, Sep 1, 2011.

  1. ChickenSoup

    ChickenSoup Newbie

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    Hi all, I have a moral dilemma. I've been with my girlfriend for six months now, but only became a Christian 3 months ago. Before I came to God, I kissed four other girls while I was in a relationship with my girlfriend, while drunk. She doesn't know about them. I no longer get drunk since becoming Christian, and I've prayed for forgiveness for my sins. I feel absolutely terrible for what I did, as I feel like a completely different person now. The trouble is, I'm afraid to tell her because I don't want to lose her, or even upset her. Our relationship is going so perfectly.

    Is kissing other girls while having a girlfriend a sin? Or just morally despicable?

    I've learned that God has said adultery is a sin, but does that apply only to marriage, or to lesser relationships like girlfriend / boyfriend too? And is it only sex, or does a kiss count as adultery also?

    Have I made myself right with God by asking forgiveness for what I've done, or is telling my girlfriend a requirement in His eyes too?

    Is keeping it from her a sin? Or is the guilt I feel simply my conscience?

    I know the answer is "tell her" - I just have to pluck up the confidence to do it. Thanks all.
     
  2. heymikey80

    heymikey80 Quidquid Latine dictum sit, altum viditur

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    Actually, Jesus said looking on a woman with lust was tantamount to the sin of adultery, because it's adultery committed in your heart.

    As for drunken actions, they've simply loosened up your inhibitions to where you see your evil in your actions.

    You're embarrassed. You've offended God; but it would be a very different thing to conclude you've offended your girlfriend by this action. In some sense yes, you have. But there are mitigating circumstances in that you were also drunk.

    "It's going so well" isn't really a good excuse for not seeking forgiveness. Would it be "better" if "It's going so horribly"? In other words, you're not going to find a particular time when it's better or worse to seek forgiveness. It's always going to be humiliating, and you're always putting your reputation at risk. But it's critically important to point out your inebriated state first.

    As things grow even more deeply between you and her, do you think you will simply be more and more uncomfortable with this situation?

    It *will* be a sensitive issue when you bring it up. But if you feel this uncomfortableness will only deepen, then the sooner you find the proper time to bring it up, the better. I say sooner, because, if your relationship deepens, you can see the offense itself would also deepen. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean it won't cut deeply even now.

    An "I did something stupid when I was drunk a few months ago, and I know it will be offensive to you" might be a way to get started -- but the real question you have to answer first is whether this will impede your relationship as you go forward. Start by answering that question -- then you can tell whether you should proceed to talk about it, or leave that be and restrict your pursuit to seek out God's forgiveness about it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2011
  3. now faith

    now faith Veteran

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    When you repent and accept christ your sins are forgiven period never to be brought back again. We can find new sin and seek repentance but through the shed blood of christ we put away the old flesh and become a new man. I would suggest Romans ch. 8 for a study. Look at Paul he committed many sin full acts in the persecution of Christian's. He met christ and did a great work for christ. Often times others will try to keep you in bondage from your past this will steal your joy and hamper your walk with god you need to cast down those things of the past because god already has. I hope your girlfriend is saved if not witnesses to her and glorify god when your together.As far as telling her Theirs no need unless she asks I wouldn't let sin continue to exist from your past. God bless
     
  4. JCFantasy23

    JCFantasy23 It's amazing what we take for granted Staff Member Supervisor Supporter Angels Team

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    I don't think it applies to the strict definition of "adultery" since you are not married.

    That being said, it would be morally detestable since it is going behind the back of a partner/friend, and is would cause them considerable emotional pain. Due to this, I would see it not right with God. Also, even if you are not married, I don't believe He takes relationships lightly.

    I would tell her and try to explain so that you can start with a clean state and it will not always be hanging over your head if this relationship works out, eating at the back of your mind.
     
  5. salida

    salida Veteran

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    Be honest with her - that way she can trust you.
     
  6. now faith

    now faith Veteran

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    So I suppose our lord can forgive our past sins but our piers want to keep digging them up. Whom the son has set free is free indeed. How can we say our salvation is just not enough we should also live in bondage and guilt for our past. Well start casting stones never mind about saved by grace. We should have to ask mans opinion before we are forgiven make sure its OK with the church and the devil before we accept our salvation or be healed from our affiction. Yes this is sarcasm in response to heresies.
     
  7. JCFantasy23

    JCFantasy23 It's amazing what we take for granted Staff Member Supervisor Supporter Angels Team

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    I'm not trying to keep him wallowing in guilt but he asked by mentioning adultery and the moral implications of kissing another while in a relationship with someone.

    If he has truly repented, then he is forgiven by God, but he has come to this forum to ask whether he should tell his girlfriend or not.
     
  8. now faith

    now faith Veteran

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    I am aware of his question but is it necessary. By restating his transgressions he is only giving them place in his life once again. This could cause discord to his witness and would change nothing. So if he angers his girlfriend does he rerepent. I would only tell her if she would ask. But if he has constant guilt with her and it would free his mind then he should tell but I don't believe it is ordained for his salvation god bless
     
  9. parsley

    parsley . Supporter

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    I agree -- if you start out with the kiss, her mind will immediately jump to whether you still liked them.

    There are some things that I think cause more harm than good when churned up, especially with things that happened before people started dating. Those things can be distractions, and even destructive.

    But this was an occasion where she was made to look gullible in front of people who knew, when she didn't. She has a right to know when others know. Women use this against each other, like a power play to show they know a man better than his own partner. (Why women get that catty reputation.)

    If you plan to continue a relationship with her, then it's bound to come up eventually... better that it comes from you instead of one of the other women.

    Morally despicable, sin, whatever. Sins are offenses against God and man. All can be forgiven because your debt has been paid. But expect a week or two of tension while she adjusts to the news.
     
  10. Nice Dream

    Nice Dream Regular Member

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    Clearly you've had a life changing experience since you started the relationship. I'm sure your girlfriend will have noticed this. This might not make her feel any less pain from hearing of your transgressions but it might lesson the blow if you've completely changed your ways. It may be difficult to rebuild the trust and both you and her will need to decide if it's worth it, or to just move on as the relationship is a relatively short one to have even encountered such a rocky patch so early on. Whether you stay together or not though, i think she has a right to know and make an informed decison.
     
  11. thesunisout

    thesunisout brother

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    Welcome to the faith, brother. I praise the Lord that He moved so powerfully in your life. As far as your question goes, yes you should be honest with her. If it is on your conscience it is for a reason. God may forgive our sins, but we still have to deal with the consequences of our actions. If you broke the law before you were a Christian, you would still be liable for the penalty of your crime. It's the same with your girlfriend. You broke her trust, and she deserves to know the truth. A sin of ommission is still a sin.

    Your problems may be greater though. You do know that fornication is a sin, don't you? That's sex outside of marriage. I don't mean to jump to conclusions but from your words it seems like you are sexually active with your girlfriend. If so, that is something you need to stop immediately. You need to figure out if she is someone you want to marry, but only if she is a Christian or plans to become one.

    God bless.