I am new here. I guess I am looking for advice and support like most. I am not in a good place as my second marriage comes to an end. I recently found that my wife who moved out two months ago (a separation we both needed) has had sex with someone. So for me that ends a chance of coming back together and its just a matter of paperwork now. Here is my story...
I grew up in a Christian home. I am a Pastors son actually. As great as my upbringing was i back slid in college. I never had developed a relationship with Christ on my own. I was married at 26 to a woman i loved very much. My oldest was 4 and my son 2 when I found out she was having an affair. There was two years of counseling and attempts at fixing the marriage but eventually she left me for the other man. They are married today. That is behind me and thanks to the power of forgiveness and God we all get along now. We work together to raise the kids the best we can.
So that was my first marriage....
After my first marriage failed I was a mess. I began to date a lot of different women and eventually moved in with a girlfriend. She had two daughters of her own. My one step daughter was in a church daycare. The first time i picked her up i was invited to church. from the moment i walked in the church I felt it was time to come home. I rededicated my life to the lord, was baptized and have been serving the lord since. It defines me and I am more in love with him than i can express. Everything about me changed. My girlfriend wasn't on board but she was happy i was happy. But I knew I had to change how we were living. After some counseling I gave her the choice. we live in separate houses, continue dating with no sex, break up, or get married. i didnt know what else to do. I wanted to follow Christ. She was furious. After she calmed down she chose marriage. We got married two days later. The marriage lasted two years and was brutal. i was walking out my Christian faith and she was working against most of the time. Our belief systems are opposite on almost everything. I was raising two kids Christian and two i wasn't allowed to teach about god or pray with. All the political and culture issues we are on opposite side. I was praying for god to touch her. We did secular counseling and church counseling. For awhile she was going to church and things were better. She bought a bible and seemed to be turning a corner. it didn't last though and one day she told me she wasn't a Christian, never would be and didn't want her girls to be. The marriage only got harder. The big fights started about two months before she moved out. They were almost daily. I found myself losing my temper. My first wife told me she never saw me like this in our whole marriage. I never yelled at her even when i found about about her cheating. With my second wife the frustration was so high I would find myself screaming. Many times we both said we were done. But when i got on my knees i would always go get her and commit myself to her and our marriage. Apologize and ask for forgiveness. The last time this happened i just let her go. She moved out. I left the door open that she could come back as long as she wasn't with another man. Not to live together right way but to work on the marriage. I was still married. I had planned to give her space and give God time to work. After two months i believe God spoke to me that she had been with another man. I called and asked. She said she was.
So that is where I am at now. On the road to a second divorce. I guess if she repented and gave her life to Christ anything can happen but right now she feels she has done nothing wrong because we are separated. That's how different our beliefs are.
I was OK when we were separated but now that she has had sex with someone the pain is sinking in. I am chasing depression away and feeling very lonely. I am keeping myself busy with various ministry's and going on a mission trip. I have asked her to divorce me so I can move on but she is in no hurry because separation is the same as divorce to her. So thats where im at....struggling
I grew up in a Christian home. I am a Pastors son actually. As great as my upbringing was i back slid in college. I never had developed a relationship with Christ on my own. I was married at 26 to a woman i loved very much. My oldest was 4 and my son 2 when I found out she was having an affair. There was two years of counseling and attempts at fixing the marriage but eventually she left me for the other man. They are married today. That is behind me and thanks to the power of forgiveness and God we all get along now. We work together to raise the kids the best we can.
So that was my first marriage....
After my first marriage failed I was a mess. I began to date a lot of different women and eventually moved in with a girlfriend. She had two daughters of her own. My one step daughter was in a church daycare. The first time i picked her up i was invited to church. from the moment i walked in the church I felt it was time to come home. I rededicated my life to the lord, was baptized and have been serving the lord since. It defines me and I am more in love with him than i can express. Everything about me changed. My girlfriend wasn't on board but she was happy i was happy. But I knew I had to change how we were living. After some counseling I gave her the choice. we live in separate houses, continue dating with no sex, break up, or get married. i didnt know what else to do. I wanted to follow Christ. She was furious. After she calmed down she chose marriage. We got married two days later. The marriage lasted two years and was brutal. i was walking out my Christian faith and she was working against most of the time. Our belief systems are opposite on almost everything. I was raising two kids Christian and two i wasn't allowed to teach about god or pray with. All the political and culture issues we are on opposite side. I was praying for god to touch her. We did secular counseling and church counseling. For awhile she was going to church and things were better. She bought a bible and seemed to be turning a corner. it didn't last though and one day she told me she wasn't a Christian, never would be and didn't want her girls to be. The marriage only got harder. The big fights started about two months before she moved out. They were almost daily. I found myself losing my temper. My first wife told me she never saw me like this in our whole marriage. I never yelled at her even when i found about about her cheating. With my second wife the frustration was so high I would find myself screaming. Many times we both said we were done. But when i got on my knees i would always go get her and commit myself to her and our marriage. Apologize and ask for forgiveness. The last time this happened i just let her go. She moved out. I left the door open that she could come back as long as she wasn't with another man. Not to live together right way but to work on the marriage. I was still married. I had planned to give her space and give God time to work. After two months i believe God spoke to me that she had been with another man. I called and asked. She said she was.
So that is where I am at now. On the road to a second divorce. I guess if she repented and gave her life to Christ anything can happen but right now she feels she has done nothing wrong because we are separated. That's how different our beliefs are.
I was OK when we were separated but now that she has had sex with someone the pain is sinking in. I am chasing depression away and feeling very lonely. I am keeping myself busy with various ministry's and going on a mission trip. I have asked her to divorce me so I can move on but she is in no hurry because separation is the same as divorce to her. So thats where im at....struggling
