How wives and husbands are to treat one another in the home

My parents had a wonderful marriage. I know all about this submit thing and that didn't happen in our home.

But they did have two distinct roles. Mom took care of everyone and everything at home. Dad was a truck driver who was gone sometimes for several days in a row, and he brought home the money and did all the investing. When he was home, Mom wouldn't let him do anything for a long time. It was her idea and we three girls agreed. Dad worked hard, he should relax at home, and if he wasn't outside doing chores, we could play games with him, talk to him, listen to him read the Bible to us, ask for help with our math, play with him and the dogs, all kinds of stuff.

One day when I was about 8 years old, I heard Dad beg Mom to let him help around the house. He told her he needed to be a part of that as well. He said it was nice to sit all day with us but he wanted to get real dirt on his hands.

He told her, "Honey, I sit on my butt for hours and hours, fighting traffic, dealing with grumpy dispatchers, bad weather, crappy drivers, big cities, smog, fumes, and that durn atheist partner of mine. I need the fresh air! I need real dirt that isn't full of grease! Let me mow the yards. I know you like to do it, but I do too. Let me weed the garden before I forget the difference between the weeds and the radishes. Please, baby, will you?"

There was a long silence, and I peeked inside the doorway. YUCK! They were doing that huggy-kissy thing, and Mom said, "I didn't know you felt that way. Of course, you can do anything you like, dear, if it makes you feel better. It's just that you work so hard, we wanted you to feel like a king when you're home."

"Oh," he said. "Well. Hey, the King of Sweden, or somewhere out there, pays for his own apartment and has a job. That'll work. Yep, I'm the king."

They had the most awesome relationship. I never heard Dad tell Mom to do anything or ask her to do anything. If he wanted a second helping at dinner, he got up and helped himself, asking us if we wanted any more of something.

They accepted their roles, which meant no one submitted to each other, but both submitted to God. I may be all confused about this submit thing, but if you're married and your husband tells you to do something that goes against Biblical teaching, what then? Do you submit and let some man lead you down the path of sin against God? That's like Adam and Eve all over again, except it's not Eve this time.

I think this is where there's a balance between understanding roles and submitting. To me, submitting means there's something "off" about the relationship or the man is very controlling. Why, in a lifetime partnership, would one be submitting to another all the time? Where's her space, her room to be a child of God and not some man's puppet?

Mom always said, "If you follow God and listen to Him, your husband will be blessed in knowing he chose the right one to marry."

Partnership, yes. Submit? Ehh ... not so much. Too much can go wrong when you trust people over God.

All good things
Emmy

Such an interesting topic! Biblical submission is one of the most difficult things to understand. I like the way Emmy put it as well. Husband and wife have different responsibilities. Which does not make one superior to the other.

I think one key thing to understand is that marriage requires both wife AND husband to fulfill what Paul asks here. For a wife to submit to husband, the husband should love the wife to the extent of laying down his life. The wife should submit to husband and the husband should feel like even giving life for her. Now one does not trigger the other. And one does not work independently. When only one side is fulfilled, the marriage will start to have problems. When husband expects wife to submit without loving her, it does not work. When wife expects husband to love without submitting, it does not work as well!

I also wonder what this submission exactly is. We see Jesus submitted to will of Father. And we all agree Jesus and Father are equal. I always wondered about this. Is submission more of an agreement rather than one person being superior to other. That would be the case even in our submission to God. We are to submit to God wilfully. Submission to God is more of agreeing to His precepts and confirming to the same.

If we look at (Biblical) history, up until relatively modern times, women were property. The concept of men "submitting" to their wives (Ephesians 5:21) was relatively "out there" when it was written.

From a personal, practical perspective, once my wife and I were married our lives were no longer our own. We "belonged" to one another. Our first responsibility was to serve God. Our second responsibility was to serve one another. Depending on the two individuals involved in the marriage, that service may look very different from one marriage to another.

I was waiting for a post before I posted my comments.

I believe it was mentioned that one must remember the "history" of when that was written.

Yes, back in the first century, it is true that women were counted as a lower class. In fact, when it came time to vote, two women equaled one slave.

However, not that the scriptures mean less today, or have changed, but that one must remember the history and context in which Paul wrote that.

If you forget history, then we might as well take Philemon and justify having "slaves" today.

When my wife and I were married, we became "one flesh". She is just as important as I am. I treasure her, value her, love her. I do not make her walk behind me two steps and keep her head hung low. She walks beside me, hand-in-hand. When I was elected as a "deacon", I often would ask her advice on some matters. When I was granted the status of "elder", nothing changed.

Remember back in Paul's day, the Jews still separated people in the temple. Jews first, Gentiles second, and at the back...women.

Heaven forbid we should do that today.

Men...value your wives. They are a gift from God. Treat them with respect. Treat them with dignity. Love your wives as God loves us.

Women...the same applies to you. Remember how good it is to have a Godly man.

God Bless

Till all are one.