What is the Godly way to deal with emotionally toxic people...family?

pinkjess · Feb 3, 2016

I feel like I am being sinful when I avoid or ignore their calls or texts, but I feel I have no other option, because if I respond they will be rude to me or put me down if I say something they don't want to hear, like I just don't feel like coming over anymore.

For example, I haven't been feeling well and when they call or text me asking me to hang out I reply that I am not feeling well and say "thanks for the offer but I am not feeling good today" and then I usually get a reply that makes me feel like poop so I just ignore them mostly now. But is that how Jesus would handle it? I feel like I am not making a good impression on them because I claim to be a Christian, well how Christian is it to ignore people' calls? Isn't that rude? It's harder because these aren't just friends I am talking about, but family of mine. So it adds to the tension because they think I hate them because I am not around much anymore. I can't help it that I got sick.

I mean, I feel bad in some sense as I "do" like their company some of the time but I have decided to no longer put up with that kind of interaction. 75% of the time I am with them, I feel like I always do or say something that they have to tear me down about or nitpick me about. I will not tolerate that anymore. I feel like everything I do annoys them or displeases them.. I can never be good enough for them to be truly happy with me all the time. I refuse to put myself thru those emotions anymore. I am done. I don't intend to cut them out of my life, but I just need them to understand I am not well right now and need to work on getting healthy.

How should a Christian handle this, as Godly as possible?

HouseCat71 · Feb 3, 2016

It's not a sin to say no as long as you do it tactfully and with kindness. A polite refusal is just fine. If explanations are being pressed to where it becomes hounding, then you need to politely ask them to please respect your boundaries and wishes. It's ok to put your foot down, as long as you do it gracefully. Being a Christian doesn't mean you become a doormat for others to walk all over and take advantage of. We are to help those who need it, but I think there's a line we have to draw when it becomes abuse/toxic. After all, Jesus knocked some tables over and took a whip to some folks when they were abusing the purpose of the temple. I'm not saying go Indiana Jones on them, but don't let them walk all over you either.

BFine · Feb 3, 2016

Set healthy boundaries, especially with toxic people--
even if they are kinfolk,if they are being emotionally, physically or verbally abusive towards you, choose
carefully when/how or where you will interact with
them.

As much as it depends on you, live peaceably
with people.
Don't return evil for evil.
Forgive often and diligently Pray for those who
treat you badly.

Goodbook · Feb 4, 2016

No its not rude even Jesus said when the disciples were going round ministering in peoples homes to pray grace and peace for them and if they were not recieved, then to shake the dust off their feet and leave.

In your case if you are unwell its ok to refuse as you wouldnt be good company if you went out anyway. Its fine to ignore someone if they are harassing you. They will get the message. But a good firm rebuke may be in order for those who persist. Even Jesus did that, well he said get thee behind me satan when Peter was suggesting something not of God. You dont need to say it like that but just affirm you are a christian and thus time spent with God is your priority. And if you are unwell you need to be recovering and healing takes time.

QuietBeauty · Feb 4, 2016

Here's what I think: I'm not sure if it is a sin to ignore someone but that's obviously not nice. However, I do believe that people even family members can hurt us. So with that being said just because they are your family doesn't mean that you are required to talk to them if they are rude, negative or whatever the case may be. Sometimes with family you have to love them from a distance. You have to protect your heart from negative hurtful things even if it is family. So you should slowly distance yourself if that's what you feel you need to do but still be there for them if they need you. Also reach out every now and then because they are your family but don't ever feel like you have to go through pain just because it's someone close to you.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

insurchoftruth · Feb 7, 2016

In order to have a proper good and sound relationship, all the people involved in that relationship, must have respect for each other. The only way to have a friend, is to be one. If there is lack of respect, or all sorts of bad treatment from other people to you, you have the right to stop any relationship with them, even if it is for a short time, in order for them to realize, that putting down, and treating you badly, is not acceptable. You have to let them know, that their behavior is hurting you, and they must change it, if they want a relationship with you.

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What is the Godly way to deal with emotionally toxic people...family?

pinkjess

There she goes...at the speed of sound

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HouseCat71

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BFine

Seed Planter

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Goodbook

Reading the Bible

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QuietBeauty

Active Member

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insurchoftruth

Newbie

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