i hate my father

I think you are the one who needs medical help and fast. Get some.

Kenneth,

I agree with Zippy, you need to seek out some counseling for these fears/thoughts that you are having. If you need to, I have a great list of counselors across the country that I'm familiar with if you need to get a hold of someone. Please seek some help and tell someone how you're feeling. God bless you and I'm praying for you.

Your father could be suffering from an organic mental condition that's now chronic. Or he could just be a mean spirited person with no redeeming qualities.
If he commits suicide that's no one's responsibility but his own. Your mother chooses to stay in an abusive relationship with him and that is her responsibility.

Meanwhile, there's you. I agree, for a Christian to speak as you do you should seek counseling. Either from your pastor if you have one or, a mental health professional so you don't do something that will cost you your own life behind bars.

Move out if you can't stand him that much. Stop letting someone you hate support you.
Or, you could tell your dad what you've told us. Maybe he just doesn't realize his problem.

kenneth nathan said:

I know, as long as i believe in christ, I won't do anything irrational. I admit im psychologically traumatised by the circumstances im in. I have to keep in mind, whatever i do will affect the people around me. Whatever wrongdoing one of my family member has committed, Heavenly father will deal with them. I have no right to punish them for their actions when there body belongs to christ, harming them is harming him. I have to keep that in mind. I won't do anything irrational.

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Kenneth, How are you doing? Coming along? Definitely interceding for you.

John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Matthew 5:44-But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; 45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.



Pray, for Job was healed when He prayed for his "friendly enemies " Joseph was Healed when He prayed for His brothers evil acts upon him that caused his turmoil for many years, David prayed for Saul that tried to kill him endless times, Stephen prayed for His enemies Acts7:55 But he, being full of the Holy Ghost, looked up stedfastly into heaven, and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing on the right hand of God,!

Jesus Prayed for His enemies more then once, (IN LUKE) Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.while on the Cross! Luke 23:34KJV

Be healed and then God will lead you to what you need to do, but you need to be healed 1st, The Holy Spirit is the Help and Healer and Comforter, forgiveness heals your soul and makes you one with Christ...strengthened and confidence that God Sees all and may even break the heart of your father and save him! Faith will carry you as you seek ...He can move mountains....God is Mighty to Save....

He is your father, you must submit to him to matter what. Don't judge him because he sinned, you don't know what he is going through.. I know for sure that what he is experiencing is more terrible than what you have experienced with him. This is spirit to spirit issue. Do not fight with flesh and blood, fight with the evil domain spirit. REMEMBER THE DEVIL IS YOUR ENEMY AND NOT YOUR FATHER. The enemy is only using your father to destruct you and your family. Pray for the covering of His Blood for your family. God has planned something great for you in the future and the enemy wants to destroy it, that's how he works. The enemy kills, steals and destroys lives...

So telling us that you want to kill your father, who will you choose? Jesus or Satan? Who do you want to win? You are in a MAJOR battle with God. You are facing a big giant. But God is bigger than that ugly giant.

How do you interact him? Ask Jesus. Pray. Like, 'Lord, I am going to talk to my dad. Let your mouth be my mouth and your heart be my heart. I rebuke any kind of anger in Jesus Name"

Never ever talk with him without the presence of the Holy Spirit because it will NEVER work. Trust me.
God loves you so much as well as your father..

Believe me OP, I know where you are coming from.

My father physically and verbally abused me for a vast majority of my life. For a vast majority of my life I have been nothing but a disappointment to him, a curse, and a failure. He even told me several times that he regretted I was ever born. Ever since I was around nine years old. For nearly 20 years I was tortured by this man, for nearly 20 years I tried so hard to gain his approval. For nearly 20 years I wanted my father to say just once, that he never regretted that I was born and that he loved me.

He never did. The closest to love and affection I ever got from my dad was that, I've had maybe 2-3 hugs from him over the course of my life. And, whenever I needed his help financially he was always there. But, moral support forget about it and half of the time he wouldn't help me with anything else. My mother had to do almost all the work in our family.

My mother was the one who worked, my mother was the one who raised me, my mother was the one who understood me, my mother was the one who loved me, and my mother was the one who saved my life while my father just sat there and basically watched me die. That's right, if it wasn't for my mother I would have died when I was just three years old. Technically, I would have died at birth. Eventually, I just learned to accept that my father just doesn't love me. He is the most self absorbed man that I have ever had the misfortune of meeting in my entire life.

Even when I met my wife and finally began dating her he refused to even acknowledge that we were dating. Because of the way that we met (We met on a message board). We had already been dating for almost a year when we met in person for the first time. When we announced our engagement he was sarcastic and cruel. I figured he would be ecstatic considering he always told me throughout my life that I needed to get a girlfriend and "get laid".

My father never just had thoughts of killing me, my father has TRIED it on me.

I just never, ever am good enough for my father anymore and when he started taking his violence to my mother, I finally moved out and had enough of it.

What hurts the worst is, he wasn't always like this. I have five years of good memories of my father. Between the ages of 4 and 9 but, the memories are so distant that I barely remember them.

My mother claims it's because he's an alcoholic. She's probably right, he didn't get this way until he started drinking on a large scale. But, I still feel that I shouldn't have been treated this way. I deserved a father growing up. I deserved a father becoming an adult, I deserved a father that loved and supported me I prayed and begged for one, and I even abandoned God for a while and became an Atheist for a while for one. But, I never got one and it hurts like you couldn't even believe.

So yes, I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. However that being said, despite of all that he has done to me, he is still my father. For some sick and twisted reason, I still love him. I still respect him, and you have to do the same. We are commanded by God to respect our fathers even if some of them, act the way they do. It gets to the point where, I dread becoming a father but, I know that at least, I will not become the father that my father was to me. Do not become the father that your father was to you. That's all we can do. Sometimes dad's change, I will pray for your father as well as my father. Maybe one day we will both be surprised.

kenneth nathan said:

I am concerned for my father. Its not that i want to hate him. I want to love him and help him, but his behavior is unacceptable. His too judgemental of people, often times you realise its wrong. Because of his behavior, my family members dont talk with him. They distance themselves from him. He hurt my mother physically and psychologically and caused her so much distress. As a result, i grew resentment toward him. It reached a point, i had enough. I keep having thoughts of killing my father such as killing him in his sleep by strangling him. I read the bible and ask heavenly father to help me overcome such thoughts. I love my own father deep inside and i dont want to hurt him. I know its not worth it but his behavior is affecting my family. His not willing to listen to me, always angry and moody. You cant talk with him. I could see his suffering. He could commit suicide if my family leaves him. His going to end up being lonely and miserable. I realise his behavour stems from his negativity and the way he views the world which is distorted. He has this helping quality and does things without any expectations. Now, he totally lost his good qualities and no one wants to be around him cause of his negativity. I hate him by the second, cause his behavior is the reason for his misery and he doesnt understand that, always blaming my mother or people around him. How should i interact with him, i need a solution cause i feel like killing him. How do i cope with such people.

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Unfortunately, my dad can't undo his past with the way I grew up either. For that, I feel sorry for him. But, he has grown up to be a better man spiritually, so his past is forgiven due to the fact that he's continually seeking God's face and His Kingdom. If my dad is right with God he is no longer my enemy. If anyone sees me talking about my past in threads, I only ever use it as a testimony to not only myself but my dad also with some of his anger he's overcome. Not all, no, he still needs work to do, but no one is perfect after all.

Like you, I grew up with such behaviour, only more psychological and emotional than physical. I took my anger out on him by drawing (anime, and nothing at all about murder/killing, but always a sad or wishfully happy characters) and singing. My mom bought me a Bible and a teen devotional Bible. I really do feel God was with me my entire life when I became born again at age 6.

You say that you are concerned for you dad and that you don't want to hate him, that deep down you love him. I believe you. What I think is going on is that you are hating the sin of your dad that takes the image of your dad in your mind. You hate his behaviour as you said, not him. I don't think you truly hate your dad to kill him, even so, take this matter to a counselor/pastor for proper healing and to forgive the acts of your dad. You are not responsible for his sin, only your own.

kenneth nathan said:

I am concerned for my father. Its not that i want to hate him. I want to love him and help him, but his behavior is unacceptable. His too judgemental of people, often times you realise its wrong. Because of his behavior, my family members dont talk with him. They distance themselves from him. He hurt my mother physically and psychologically and caused her so much distress. As a result, i grew resentment toward him. It reached a point, i had enough. I keep having thoughts of killing my father such as killing him in his sleep by strangling him. I read the bible and ask heavenly father to help me overcome such thoughts. I love my own father deep inside and i dont want to hurt him. I know its not worth it but his behavior is affecting my family. His not willing to listen to me, always angry and moody. You cant talk with him. I could see his suffering. He could commit suicide if my family leaves him. His going to end up being lonely and miserable. I realized his behavior stems from his negativity and the way he views the world which is distorted. He has this helping quality and does things without any expectations. Now, he totally lost his good qualities and no one wants to be around him cause of his negativity. I hate him by the second, cause his behavior is the reason for his misery and he doesnt understand that, always blaming my mother or people around him. How should i interact with him, i need a solution cause i feel like killing him. How do i cope with such people.

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Hello. I thank you for coming here and opening up to us. I praise you for doing so and I feel your pain. My father was not the person I wished him to be as well, but I learned over the years that you and I aren't the only ones that have histories. And That being said, I think we both could say that we've not exactly been the best at handling the hurts that our history has placed in our baskets.

My father never learned to love himself and always depended on material things to impress others into thinking better of him than he presumed they did. It never donned on him that changing himself instead of his environment would grant him the peace that he so greatly starved for. I never understood that about him and he died a very lonely old man. I too fought those demons and by the grace of God, I turned around and realized that I loved myself and that realization opened me up to letting others love me, as well.

I don't know you or your dad, but I would suggest your dad is hurting from something in his path and he is trying as best he can to cope with it by manipulating others instead of working on himself. You know the ego is a very fragile thing and when insecurity meets a reprieved threat it's like hot oil mixed with water. I know I'm unfamiliar with your situation, but hating someone is not an answer to anything. Most of the most dangerous people in the world, hate themselves so much that there's nothing left inside of them but misery and that's all they have to share with the world.
I would pity your father for what he is and pray for him. He is your father and by God's law you must honor him.

That honor need not include tolerating him or tolerating the abuses he may have done to others. If he is dangerous than the authorities need to be aware of it. If he is hurting your loved ones, then they must not allow that to happen by extracting themselves from him.

kenneth nathan said:

I am concerned for my father. Its not that i want to hate him. I want to love him and help him, but his behavior is unacceptable. His too judgemental of people, often times you realise its wrong. Because of his behavior, my family members dont talk with him. They distance themselves from him. He hurt my mother physically and psychologically and caused her so much distress. As a result, i grew resentment toward him. It reached a point, i had enough. I keep having thoughts of killing my father such as killing him in his sleep by strangling him. I read the bible and ask heavenly father to help me overcome such thoughts. I love my own father deep inside and i dont want to hurt him. I know its not worth it but his behavior is affecting my family. His not willing to listen to me, always angry and moody. You cant talk with him. I could see his suffering. He could commit suicide if my family leaves him. His going to end up being lonely and miserable. I realise his behavour stems from his negativity and the way he views the world which is distorted. He has this helping quality and does things without any expectations. Now, he totally lost his good qualities and no one wants to be around him cause of his negativity. I hate him by the second, cause his behavior is the reason for his misery and he doesnt understand that, always blaming my mother or people around him. How should i interact with him, i need a solution cause i feel like killing him. How do i cope with such people.

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My own father was verbally abusive to me as a child and he never apologized to me even though I asked him too (As an adult I asked him to and I told him I thought the way he treated me as a child was wrong and that I wanted an apology). He just told me that he thinks I deserved it. That opinion is very cruel. NO child deserves to have a verbally abusive father angrily yelling at her, it left a negative impression on me. It caused me to fear him. And it was even worse for me because I was really sensitive as a kid and having an adult yelling angrily at me emotionally abused me.

That kind of anger is a sin. GOD teaches not to let the sun go down on your wrath, and he did. He emotionally abused me, and I have never forgotten the pain I felt. The tears. The crying.

But you know what? That was years ago and he seems to have changed for the better and I have forgiven him and moved on. Now he has a good sense of humor and I like that. He cracks jokes all the time.

Kenneth,

I have to agree with the others who expressed concern over your thoughts. Your father may well be the one in the wrong, but it does sound like you may want to speak to someone about your thoughts and feelings.

That said, as others have expressed, I also know what it is like. My father was far from the best he could have been to me. He was mentally abusive, would break my toys, drank too much, was angry…. I had my own tormented thoughts growing up as you do… My father threatened to use his gun on me when I would not tell him where my mother was when my mother left him (for a while). He showed up at my apartment and it was not comfortable. It is valueless for me to list all the things he did, but I’ll say this… He died in 2002 in a nursing home with dementia, unable to talk, think or care for himself. When mom placed him in a home because she could no longer care for him, I moved back from Chicago to help in any way I could. As dad got worse I felt so bad for him. I began to really think upon his life, why he was like he was and in the end I felt sorry for him and myself for not having the wisdom I have now. He was my father and though he was far from the best, he did work to cloth me, feed me, educate me and keep me sheltered. He was likely like he was because of physical damage received over his life in the Army (being drafted in WWII, going to West Point, serving in Korea and Vietnam). He watch 90% of his friends die in Korea, one had his head blown off next to my father. His jeep was hit by a mortar and he was in a coma for months. He be suffered from PTSD before people knew what it was and could get help for it. In the end I came to respect him for all he did for his family and country. Our family was never for want. Now I wish I could travel back in time to get to know him, man to man.

I am not saying what he did was right, my life is so different because of my fear of becoming him…. I would not have children as I was afraid I may be as abusive as he was, I do not drink ANY alcohol because it reminded me of him, I avoided learning things I had interest in because he knew the stuff.

I guess what I am saying is to do the hardest thing now, try to get to know him, what he does what he does, why you react like you do. One day he will be gone and perhaps one day after that date you will realize that he was your father and JUST that means he deserves you to reach out if you can, to learn about him and respect him. It does not mean you have to like him, but no one if perfect, and one day you may wake to find that you lost an opportunity, a moment in time that you can never have back in this life.

I do wish you luck and prayers for healing and hope that you do not miss an opportunity as I had.

Sincerely,

David

Amen David. We can never get back the moments in time that we let go by unnoticed. Good post.