Hello everybody, I have joined this forum a few minutes ago or so. The sole purpose I wanted to join because I'm honestly...Confused. I'm confused if I truly am Christian and accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.
Growing up, I never knew about God. I was raised to be athiest. One day, a friend came to me and told me about Jesus Christ. I thought he was creepy, because she said "He is always next to us, even if you can't see him or feel him". I don't remember much, but I think I told my parents, and they said that it was ridiculous, and always, they made fun of Jesus Christ and in general Christianity. =( And as I was raised to be, I stayed an athiest.
A few years later, I learned about hell and I had an extreme fear of hell. I would think about me being tortured in hell and so on. This is where I got some faith.
Then started school. By the time I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, I felt like I was the only athiest at my school. Kids in my class would say, "Who is Christian?" and all the kids would say they did. Since I didn't want to be humiliated or discriminated of any sort, I said that I was Christian. Until, a friend came along in my life. =)
This friend told me about the existence of the Lord, asking for forgiveness and most things Christian (She is extremely Christian). At that point, I started to do night prayers. Every night, I would ask for forgiveness (Its been over a year since I have). Then, I started to do a bit of research about Christianity. I noticed that I was full of sin, and a particular one; lying. So, I asked God every night to help me stop lying. It even got worse. I started to play on a site, and I did horrible lies for attention (I will not be getting into detail of that). Until, just a few months ago, something happened.
I honestly doubt that it was even God who did this/planned this, but I got a tremendous amount of hate (Due to me overreacting and wanting attention), and that made my sin even worse. I would still pray to got every night (And occasionally morning). I told everyone to go "Kys" or "Drink bleach". At that certain point, I was lost, I was really lost and I was confused overall. I tried to quit the site several times, trying to do whats right but I didn't. I tried to be 100% who I am and to not lie, and I did. After getting more hate afterwards, I prayed to the Lord to prevent me from going on that site again...And I did. Some other prayers were answered before, like do be friends again with this guy on the site, and it did.
Now, I ask to the Lord to help me become a better person and in all refrain from sin. About a week ago, I learned about the fruits of the spirit, and therefore asked God and Jesus to help me follow the fruits of the spirit. I must admit, I am improving but I feel like I'm disobeying God all the time. I refuse to read the bible, and sometimes don't even feel like praying. And worst of all, I sometimes doubt the existence of the Lord. I wonder why God made different religions other than Christianity, why this world is so cruel and etc. This is the main reason why I joined the Forums.
I fear of not being 100% faithful in God, and making the Lord unhappy with my ways. I also fear that the only reason I pray to God to becoming a better person and asking for forgiveness is because I don't want to go to hell.
Anyone, please help me or give me advice. I know I can always speak to the Lord, but I still want help from other Christians (Who truly accept Jesus Christ as their lord and savior). I thank everybody who read this all, I apologize it was so long. =)
God bless,
Bella.
Growing up, I never knew about God. I was raised to be athiest. One day, a friend came to me and told me about Jesus Christ. I thought he was creepy, because she said "He is always next to us, even if you can't see him or feel him". I don't remember much, but I think I told my parents, and they said that it was ridiculous, and always, they made fun of Jesus Christ and in general Christianity. =( And as I was raised to be, I stayed an athiest.
A few years later, I learned about hell and I had an extreme fear of hell. I would think about me being tortured in hell and so on. This is where I got some faith.
Then started school. By the time I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, I felt like I was the only athiest at my school. Kids in my class would say, "Who is Christian?" and all the kids would say they did. Since I didn't want to be humiliated or discriminated of any sort, I said that I was Christian. Until, a friend came along in my life. =)
This friend told me about the existence of the Lord, asking for forgiveness and most things Christian (She is extremely Christian). At that point, I started to do night prayers. Every night, I would ask for forgiveness (Its been over a year since I have). Then, I started to do a bit of research about Christianity. I noticed that I was full of sin, and a particular one; lying. So, I asked God every night to help me stop lying. It even got worse. I started to play on a site, and I did horrible lies for attention (I will not be getting into detail of that). Until, just a few months ago, something happened.
I honestly doubt that it was even God who did this/planned this, but I got a tremendous amount of hate (Due to me overreacting and wanting attention), and that made my sin even worse. I would still pray to got every night (And occasionally morning). I told everyone to go "Kys" or "Drink bleach". At that certain point, I was lost, I was really lost and I was confused overall. I tried to quit the site several times, trying to do whats right but I didn't. I tried to be 100% who I am and to not lie, and I did. After getting more hate afterwards, I prayed to the Lord to prevent me from going on that site again...And I did. Some other prayers were answered before, like do be friends again with this guy on the site, and it did.
Now, I ask to the Lord to help me become a better person and in all refrain from sin. About a week ago, I learned about the fruits of the spirit, and therefore asked God and Jesus to help me follow the fruits of the spirit. I must admit, I am improving but I feel like I'm disobeying God all the time. I refuse to read the bible, and sometimes don't even feel like praying. And worst of all, I sometimes doubt the existence of the Lord. I wonder why God made different religions other than Christianity, why this world is so cruel and etc. This is the main reason why I joined the Forums.
I fear of not being 100% faithful in God, and making the Lord unhappy with my ways. I also fear that the only reason I pray to God to becoming a better person and asking for forgiveness is because I don't want to go to hell.
Anyone, please help me or give me advice. I know I can always speak to the Lord, but I still want help from other Christians (Who truly accept Jesus Christ as their lord and savior). I thank everybody who read this all, I apologize it was so long. =)
God bless,
Bella.
