as some of you know already
I have been having issues with boarders who are bullies for a long time now.
recently two left, we still got one left
here is the issue
My parents can not, did not see the problems
I always suspect this, but it is only recently become clear to me when I asked my mum to ask the last boarder to leave, she refused
here the thing about my parents
in some ways, they have always been the kind of people who are detached from reality in some ways.
some times people could do things right in front of them, and they dont see it.
and they have the tedency to see only what they want to see and block out or rationalize what they dont want to see.
to top it off, they always have difficulties of listen to opinions different from themselves,in another word, once they made up their mind, they have difficulty to keep open mind, and talking to them sometimes like throwing a ball against a wall, it just keep bouncing back
to make the whole thing worse, my dad has a fragile ego, that is why he does not like to admit he is wrong.
and because my parents are so alike, and they discuss everything together, they reinforce each other.
my parents also have the tendency to pathologize me. it is like I did this mental health paper in the past, and the lecturer gave this example, she was saying if she got angry and through a wine glass at her husband, people will just go "oh, she is really angry"
but if someone like me, with a mental health diagonosis did the same thing, some people will automatically attribute it to mine illness, my parents, espeically my mum, take this to the extreme. again, this is the case of she want to hear what she want to hear, no amount of convincing will get through to her......
for example, years ago, my mum had this misunderstanding with this woman at this woman. She said to my mum " wow, your complexion is dark, are you Indian?" (we came from a Far East culture, fair skin is considered beautiful in women, opposite is also true. Also, there is a certain amount of rascism in our culture towards race with with darker skin colours, such as Indians. so her comment is a outright insult)
and mum just stand there, totally clueless to the meaning of what that woman said.
right now, two of the boarder has left, one still left.
I have asked my mum to ask him to move. she refused.
we had a conversation, that is when i realized (though i have always suspected it) my mum think I am being oversenstitive, it is all in my imagination.
the thing is, one of the tactics they used was banging the floor.
and one thing I noticed was that one of the boys only does it when he is close to our side of the house, but when he is at their side of the house, he is quiet as a cat
in fact, once when he came home with this other girl, he banged the floor so loud, it was like thundering throughout the entire house
and they have been pulling this for a whole year, to a point I did not want to go home any more.
anyway, there are many others things I dont have time to talke about
but i am quite sure how to deal with it anymore
i dont have enough financial resources to move out.
I have been having issues with boarders who are bullies for a long time now.
recently two left, we still got one left
here is the issue
My parents can not, did not see the problems
I always suspect this, but it is only recently become clear to me when I asked my mum to ask the last boarder to leave, she refused
here the thing about my parents
in some ways, they have always been the kind of people who are detached from reality in some ways.
some times people could do things right in front of them, and they dont see it.
and they have the tedency to see only what they want to see and block out or rationalize what they dont want to see.
to top it off, they always have difficulties of listen to opinions different from themselves,in another word, once they made up their mind, they have difficulty to keep open mind, and talking to them sometimes like throwing a ball against a wall, it just keep bouncing back
to make the whole thing worse, my dad has a fragile ego, that is why he does not like to admit he is wrong.
and because my parents are so alike, and they discuss everything together, they reinforce each other.
my parents also have the tendency to pathologize me. it is like I did this mental health paper in the past, and the lecturer gave this example, she was saying if she got angry and through a wine glass at her husband, people will just go "oh, she is really angry"
but if someone like me, with a mental health diagonosis did the same thing, some people will automatically attribute it to mine illness, my parents, espeically my mum, take this to the extreme. again, this is the case of she want to hear what she want to hear, no amount of convincing will get through to her......
for example, years ago, my mum had this misunderstanding with this woman at this woman. She said to my mum " wow, your complexion is dark, are you Indian?" (we came from a Far East culture, fair skin is considered beautiful in women, opposite is also true. Also, there is a certain amount of rascism in our culture towards race with with darker skin colours, such as Indians. so her comment is a outright insult)
and mum just stand there, totally clueless to the meaning of what that woman said.
right now, two of the boarder has left, one still left.
I have asked my mum to ask him to move. she refused.
we had a conversation, that is when i realized (though i have always suspected it) my mum think I am being oversenstitive, it is all in my imagination.
the thing is, one of the tactics they used was banging the floor.
and one thing I noticed was that one of the boys only does it when he is close to our side of the house, but when he is at their side of the house, he is quiet as a cat
in fact, once when he came home with this other girl, he banged the floor so loud, it was like thundering throughout the entire house
and they have been pulling this for a whole year, to a point I did not want to go home any more.
anyway, there are many others things I dont have time to talke about
but i am quite sure how to deal with it anymore
i dont have enough financial resources to move out.