Mail Order Brides?

There are good women in developing countries out there but the trouble is finding one who's after you, and not where you're at in life. Moreover, there are countries where they're not "developing" but aren't as economically robust as the US (Taiwan comes to mind since I've got a friend there), and might have some draw to the US. In the end using the internet could work, but IMHO temporarily living where you'd like to have somebody from, attending an English speaking church, then maybe online dating, and so forth is better. I know a few people who did the online thing, visited, committed, waited a year, and got married happily every after but more tangibility is better.

Other thought is differing cultural values, and how they must work out.
Some women are very attached to their families, and it could be very unfair to pull her from the family she's endeared to. That's very important within it's own right since intercultural communication, understanding, and giving a ton of patience is super critical to realize.

Personally, I'd consider a country where they don't do badly, and could adapt to your lifestyle. From the bottom it's harder since things differ so greatly, the pressure to live elsewhere is greater, and having somebody more picky/pensive about a man (ei she's doing alright in her country) is a lot smarter than somebody who's just suddenly on board for it all.

In the end it's not mail order and I'd run off if it were. But it is meeting somebody who's got an interest in living elsewhere, and will go through the trouble (long distance is a pain compared to down the street) of getting to know you better through distance. Finding somebody with the right interests, and intentions is crucial.

Since I'm 23 and kind of different culturally I'm hoping to meet somebody from Asia that's lived in the US for a year or three. That's kind of what I'd like, but if it doesn't work maybe I'll give distance a shot, or visit somewhere that might be more likely...

It's one thing to meet someone visiting your country from another country, and you have chemistry, and decide to begin dating...and perhaps, the person moves back to their country, and you have a long distance thing going. But, to SEEK out ONLY women over seas, is just odd to me. There are occasional success stories, but it's naive to think that women from other countries who wish to live in the states, aren't potentially opportunistic and will feign being interested in a man, in order to obtain that...I've read stories to this effect. Kind of sad.

First off, Welcome to CF!

I have heard that it does work out for some guys, others have been screwed over, and then some accept their fate of being visa providers. TBH, I've always found it to be more creepy and desperate than archaic; however, as long as the men in that relationship are treating them with love and respect, and the women weren't forced into that situation, I have no moral opposition to it.

It's a gamble - you could get lucky or it could all go wrong.

I actually had a teacher growing up that had a mail-order bride, he never confirmed it, but it was somewhat obvious. My sister had him as well, and he never made any kind of mention about being in a relationship, and the couple of times I ever saw him outside of class, he had no wedding ring. Anyway, when I had him, he suddenly was married and seen around town with this Russian woman. He was kind of an awkward guy, seemed like a "nice-guy" type who just never really had luck meeting women. I've seen them around twice since then, they're still together.

I think in some circumstances it does work out great, but in others it turns out she was just using him for a visa or the entire thing was just a money scam for the guy to being with. As long as there's no scamming or trafficking involved, I have no issue with it.

I think blindly going into it is foolish and you need to seriously get to know them first.
I've got one friend in Taiwan I've known for a few months that's about my age and she'll be a good women for the guy she ends up with. For a few reasons I think an older guy is better for her, and so if I knew one I'd set her up with him.
She's reserved, and won't go for a guy unless she really likes him. We're friends since she's not looking for anything right now, and I've got some concerns about her past. However, minus that I think she'd be great, and I wish it was workable since I'd definitely consider it. (yeah I know. Only if it were different lol!)

Carnegie said:

Hey all, I'm fairly new to these parts. I was just curious what you good folks here think about the concept of mail order brides? It seems like kind of an archaic practice, but I've met some folks over the past few years who are basically using that same practice.

What do you think about it?

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It's a vile and sexist tradition which should not happen...

As my uncle said, "I'm glad they poked some holes in the box so she could breathe". Of course, his mail order bride gives him "the look" when he says that. They've been married for more than 20 years now. When he was in the hospital, we just about had to force her to leave his bedside.

I dont know anybody who has ordered a bride. My dad works for the post and hes never seen any come through the mail.

Aelred of Rievaulx said:

It's a vile and sexist tradition which should not happen...

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My aunt gave her cousin my address. (They do that sort of thing in the Philippines). Her cousin wrote me and we talked for a long time, mostly like pen pals. She also said that if she married a kano (foreigner) she would prefer to live in her home country. She absolutely didn't want to live in the US because as she once put it, "the people there give up morals".

William67 said:

My aunt gave her cousin my address. (They do that sort of thing in the Philippines). Her cousin wrote me and we talked for a long time, mostly like pen pals. She also said that if she married a kano (foreigner) she would prefer to live in her home country. She absolutely didn't want to live in the US because as she once put it, "the people there give up morals".

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Well, I tend to think of marriage itself as a sexist institution but the very idea of paying someone for a wife (which correct me if I'm wrong is precisely what mail-order-brides are) seems ridiculously sexist...

Carnegie said:

The Russian mail order bride seems pretty cliche, but it seems like it's becoming more of a common practice to find a wife in Southeast Asia like Thailand, Vietnam and the Philippines. I don't know their reasoning, but I can guess.

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LOL, didn't even think about that until now. It may not have been Russia, she looked Slavic. I know what you mean though.

Carnegie said:

The Russian mail order bride seems pretty cliche, but it seems like it's becoming more of a common practice to find a wife in Southeast Asia like Thailand, Vietnam and the Philippines. I don't know their reasoning, but I can guess.

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Goodbook said:

I dont know anybody who has ordered a bride. My dad works for the post and hes never seen any come through the mail.

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lol!!

Aelred of Rievaulx said:

Well, I tend to think of marriage itself as a sexist institution but the very idea of paying someone for a wife (which correct me if I'm wrong is precisely what mail-order-brides are) seems ridiculously sexist...

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Your definition of a mail order bride is wrong. What you "pay for" is the information to contact men or women, and yes, there are companies which introduce women to men. I will explain the basic process. First, you contact an "introduction agency" and request some information. This is no different that signing up for a fee-based dating site. Then the company sends you a basic "catalog" which contains pictures of women and their basic information, but no addresses, phone numbers, etc. If you are interested, you pay their fee and they will then send you a full catalog containing the names, profiles, and contact information of women. Never do you "buy" a woman and the woman is free to either accept your "attention" or reject you.

My uncle, for example, also paid extra for a video containing the girls speaking. There were probably 40 girls on the video. (This was the early 90's). To be honest, he liked 3-4 of the girls, but couldn't make up his mind. It wasnt until my mother pointed out that one of the girls had safety pins holding her shirt closed, had needed to borrow a hair brush, and that most likely, she was wearing her best clothes. My uncle, who had grown up dirt poor, picked her. They wrote for nearly a year, then, he travelled to the Philippines. When they met, he was never allowed to be alone with her. Her mother always sat between them. Then, they married. He didn't "buy" her. But, as is custom, even among Filipinos, the groom pays for the wedding.

Between airfare, hotel (he stayed there for a month), wedding, souvenirs, etc (plus being forced by the RP govt to open a bank account for his wife, should the marriage fail), he spent a little over $15,000 for everything. However, not one penny went to her family.

William67 said:

Your definition of a mail order bride is wrong. What you "pay for" is the information to contact men or women, and yes, there are companies which introduce women to men. I will explain the basic process. First, you contact an "introduction agency" and request some information. This is no different that signing up for a fee-based dating site. Then the company sends you a basic "catalog" which contains pictures of women and their basic information, but no addresses, phone numbers, etc. If you are interested, you pay their fee and they will then send you a full catalog containing the names, profiles, and contact information of women. Never do you "buy" a woman and the woman is free to either accept your "attention" or reject you.

My uncle, for example, also paid extra for a video containing the girls speaking. There were probably 40 girls on the video. (This was the early 90's). To be honest, he liked 3-4 of the girls, but couldn't make up his mind. It wasnt until my mother pointed out that one of the girls had safety pins holding her shirt closed, had needed to borrow a hair brush, and that most likely, she was wearing her best clothes. My uncle, who had grown up dirt poor, picked her. They wrote for nearly a year, then, he travelled to the Philippines. When they met, he was never allowed to be alone with her. Her mother always sat between them. Then, they married. He didn't "buy" her. But, as is custom, even among Filipinos, the groom pays for the wedding.

Between airfare, hotel (he stayed there for a month), wedding, souvenirs, etc (plus being forced by the RP govt to open a bank account for his wife, should the marriage fail), he spent a little over $15,000 for everything. However, not one penny went to her family.

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I'm sorry but that seems really very strange... I wonder what sort of arrangement the women have with the mediating organisation?

I'd still say that placing women on display in this manner still gets the feminist squint from me.

Aelred of Rievaulx said:

I'm sorry but that seems really very strange... I wonder what sort of arrangement the women have with the mediating organisation?

I'd still say that placing women on display in this manner still gets the feminist squint from me.

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I dont know about other countries, but "introduction agencies" are actually illegal in the RP (Republic of the Philippines). The women pay nothing for membership because most of them are either based in the US or Europe.

I don't know where you are from, but the first "mail order brides" in the US were actually women from New England. Just after the Civil War, there was a shortage of men in the North. In the Pacific Northwest, there was a shortage of women. I cant remember the guys name, but he decided that the best solution was what we now called "mail order brides".

I didn't think that feminists believed in limiting women's options. Even if its an option you wouldn't personally agree with.