I struggle with homosexuality

tundrawolf said:

Hi


I struggle with homosexuality. M/M sex is all that I have ever known. I can trace the root issues to my childhood.

In all of these horrible temptations, that leave me shaking and sweating, with no sleep during the night, I realize that God requires Holiness. And not just that, but that even though I desperately want to re- create some of those experiences (Even if they were awful) that ultimately the choice is mine to stop doing the things that might lead me back into that lifestyle.

I have been celibate for almost twenty years, now.

<staff edit>

So here I struggle. All alone, save this forum, begging you guys for prayer, for a breakthrough.

Recently I have come to realize that the only thing that will complete my physically in this world is a woman. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically.

However, I have read the stories of couples who have gotten married, where the husband has had SSA issues in the past, only to leave her for something twice as exciting, and ten times more empty, after he has forgotten his past experiences.

This terrifies me. I do not want to hurt a woman like this.

All my life it has been fighting the temptations... until they come back, again. And they are powerful.

God has shown me that homosexuality as it relates to Him, is a spiritual disease. It latches on either at birth due to sins of the father, or enters the person because of abuse and trauma, or a disconnect with their parents, etc.

<staff edit>

It seems as if my entire fulfillment (Emotional, spiritual, sexual) as a human being teeters on whether or not I have some random sexual experience with another man.

I also know that if I open that door again, the floodgates will open, as I have managed to be celibate for so long.

And amongst all this, I struggle terribly with trying to understand who God is, really. Constantly I go back and forth, with a God who looks for any reason to harm me, to a God who died to help me become more righteous, and closer to Him. I struggle with that... A God who would allow those things to happen to me. It makes my skin crawl, to think Jesus knew it was happening... And did nothing.

Almost like He approves of it, but I know He does not. <staff edit>

I am just being honest.

Yet, I know that I cannot enter the kingdom of Heaven without clinging to Jesus.

So I am torn, and shaken, and twisting in the wind, it seems, waiting for God to help me somehow. Yet, I also know the decision is mine to make- how much help will God offer...? I hope more than this, because times are hard for me, sexually speaking. I have not been intimate with another human being in almost twenty years. I am also in my mid thirties.

How I wish there was more help for people like me.

I don't want to do this anymore. I do not want to be me anymore, either.

Click to expand...

Geoff Hardy said:

Brother this is why I joined this forum was to try help people struggling like yourself!
I feel your pain I struggled with an addiction to touching yourself and inappropriate contentography from the time I was thirteen until I was 33 ! I was a virgin until I was 23 and then threw it all away for a girl I met at a bar who probably doesn't even remember my name! I was raised in the church I asked Jesus into my heart so many times when I was young I don't know when I got born again when I was 19 I was scared and hurting my past plagued me (my dad died when I was 2 and my first step father was an alcholic who was incredibly abusive and frightening man)
In my desperation I cried out to God and opened the bible it landed on Proverbs 1:8 I read thise first two words and God audibly spoke them to me at the same time .

"My Son" the words seemed to come from within and all around me! It changed my life forever. I was still a weak Christian though unable to even really talk about Jesus even
after that, my Mom who is one of the most powerful women in Christ I know had a nervous brake down a few months later and my friends who all had powerful convertions shortly after my own bedroom experience( no part of my own) took me to a prayer meeting where I went to receive prayer for my Mom.
After the meeting the man of God said does anyone need prayer I said yes for my Mom and he said are you Baptized in the Holy Spirit I said know ( my mom has been spirit filled for many years so I knew what he was talking about ... sort of.. I really knew nothing lol)

<staff edit>

<staff edit> I would go months and then slip and months and then slip a vicious cycle!
I was tormented by the most vile perverse thoughts, in my youth like maybe 16 ish I thought I might be gay because I was incredibly unsuccessful with women and and I was a virgin ( sick world) but yet I loved women so that could not be true?
I travelled in evangelistic ministry for 4 years read and studied the Word of God constanly prayed, fasted , sat under the most powerful men of God on the planet but yet tormented. I learned an immense amount of stuff but his one thing helped more than any other.
A minister said this " you can't stop the birds from flying over your head but you can certainly stop them from nesting in your hair"!
That revelation has changed my life thoughts WILL come but does not mean they orginated there or have to stay.
I am sure you know this scripture but I have used it since I was a kid and into my adult life 2 cor 10:3-5 you must bring those thoughts into captivity to the Word of God! Every deed originates as a thought so if you can first not accept them as yours first and realize they have been inserted into your mind from the outside to try to get you to dwell on them you will experience victory.
I was recently set free from inappropriate contentography and touching yourself ! I won't say how because it is not a formula but I believe for you my friend victory is as close as your nest thought u just decide what that is going to be.
A couple things uou should do
1) find a good church one where people won't condemn you for your past but will embrace you as you are and be commited to help u move on to the next level. A spirit filled church is a good start , non-denominational are usually more accepting to your situation ( I know this will make some people angry but I am talking to you not them!)
2) get baptized in the Spirit it may be just what you need , you may experience a powerful dilverance, I did not but I would not change that day for all the money inthe world because that was the day I became empowered to live a life that effects not myself alone but hose around me .
3)Study the Word of God like it was God speaking directly to you! Not a theological book but a personal revelation of Jesus Christ to u and for you! Romans 12:1-2 talks aboutthe need of renewing your mind which is of the utmost importance you see when you get born again your spirit man is re born but the rest of you stays the same John 3 reveals this. So if you thought about men in that manner before you got born again you will think that way after but now there is the guilt and shame because Iit is contrary to what is inside you. You must replace your thoughts with Gods thoughts or gour way of doing things with Gods way. Isa 55

4) Address every thought that is contrary to Gods Word! I mean everyone and this is where the rubber hits the road. U must realize that the real you does not desire another man your flesh does not You so any thought that is contrary to what You desire must be dealt with.
You can't fight thoughts with thoughts alone speak the Word Jesus whe he was temlted quoted the bible so must we but if you can't remember anything than simply aline your will with Gods. I say this everyday multiple times a day "I refuse to think about that in Jesus name that is not my thought"
5) <staff edit>
6)Realize that.God is inside u !! 1 John 2:14, 4:4 That alone will change your life along with others!
7) Know that you are loved! By God he is not ashamed to call you his son!! Your not the gay son his ashamed to tell his friends about !! You are a man made in the image of his son and you are awesome! I love u too bro ! You are my brother in Christ , You are not a second rate one either your struggle is my struggle I am hear to help you and will not abandon you in this!!
God has a plan and purpose for your life and it is Huge!!!

The fact that you are willing to step out and say I need help is amazing and I am inspired by your courage!

I am praying for your complete deliverance in every area homsexuality is just the symptom not the source!<staff edit>
U are not on your way to hell ,this is not how you were born, you will find a women that understands your past and you will be faithful to her, suicide is not an option for you and this world would be a sadder place without you in it!!!

As a representative of the Church I say sorry if you ever felt like an outcast or were treated like the blood of Jesus wasn't shed for you!

And as a man I apologize for any abuse you suffered sexually , verbally , mentally and spiritually at the hands of a man !

<staff edit>

God does not make bad investments and he invested His Son in you.

If u need to talk pm me.

Love never fails
Geoff

Click to expand...

Geoff Hardy said:

Brother this is why I joined this forum was to try help people struggling like yourself!
I feel your pain I struggled with an addiction to touching yourself and inappropriate contentography from the time I was thirteen until I was 33 ! I was a virgin until I was 23 and then threw it all away for a girl I met at a bar who probably doesn't even remember my name! I was raised in the church I asked Jesus into my heart so many times when I was young I don't know when I got born again when I was 19 I was scared and hurting my past plagued me (my dad died when I was 2 and my first step father was an alcholic who was incredibly abusive and frightening man)
In my desperation I cried out to God and opened the bible it landed on Proverbs 1:8 I read thise first two words and God audibly spoke them to me at the same time .

"My Son" the words seemed to come from within and all around me! It changed my life forever. I was still a weak Christian though unable to even really talk about Jesus even
after that, my Mom who is one of the most powerful women in Christ I know had a nervous brake down a few months later and my friends who all had powerful convertions shortly after my own bedroom experience( no part of my own) took me to a prayer meeting where I went to receive prayer for my Mom.
After the meeting the man of God said does anyone need prayer I said yes for my Mom and he said are you Baptized in the Holy Spirit I said know ( my mom has been spirit filled for many years so I knew what he was talking about ... sort of.. I really knew nothing lol)

<staff edit>

<staff edit> I would go months and then slip and months and then slip a vicious cycle!
I was tormented by the most vile perverse thoughts, in my youth like maybe 16 ish I thought I might be gay because I was incredibly unsuccessful with women and and I was a virgin ( sick world) but yet I loved women so that could not be true?
I travelled in evangelistic ministry for 4 years read and studied the Word of God constanly prayed, fasted , sat under the most powerful men of God on the planet but yet tormented. I learned an immense amount of stuff but his one thing helped more than any other.
A minister said this " you can't stop the birds from flying over your head but you can certainly stop them from nesting in your hair"!
That revelation has changed my life thoughts WILL come but does not mean they orginated there or have to stay.
I am sure you know this scripture but I have used it since I was a kid and into my adult life 2 cor 10:3-5 you must bring those thoughts into captivity to the Word of God! Every deed originates as a thought so if you can first not accept them as yours first and realize they have been inserted into your mind from the outside to try to get you to dwell on them you will experience victory.
I was recently set free from inappropriate contentography and touching yourself ! I won't say how because it is not a formula but I believe for you my friend victory is as close as your nest thought u just decide what that is going to be.
A couple things uou should do
1) find a good church one where people won't condemn you for your past but will embrace you as you are and be commited to help u move on to the next level. A spirit filled church is a good start , non-denominational are usually more accepting to your situation ( I know this will make some people angry but I am talking to you not them!)
2) get baptized in the Spirit it may be just what you need , you may experience a powerful dilverance, I did not but I would not change that day for all the money inthe world because that was the day I became empowered to live a life that effects not myself alone but hose around me .
3)Study the Word of God like it was God speaking directly to you! Not a theological book but a personal revelation of Jesus Christ to u and for you! Romans 12:1-2 talks aboutthe need of renewing your mind which is of the utmost importance you see when you get born again your spirit man is re born but the rest of you stays the same John 3 reveals this. So if you thought about men in that manner before you got born again you will think that way after but now there is the guilt and shame because Iit is contrary to what is inside you. You must replace your thoughts with Gods thoughts or gour way of doing things with Gods way. Isa 55

4) Address every thought that is contrary to Gods Word! I mean everyone and this is where the rubber hits the road. U must realize that the real you does not desire another man your flesh does not You so any thought that is contrary to what You desire must be dealt with.
You can't fight thoughts with thoughts alone speak the Word Jesus whe he was temlted quoted the bible so must we but if you can't remember anything than simply aline your will with Gods. I say this everyday multiple times a day "I refuse to think about that in Jesus name that is not my thought"
5) <staff edit>
6)Realize that.God is inside u !! 1 John 2:14, 4:4 That alone will change your life along with others!
7) Know that you are loved! By God he is not ashamed to call you his son!! Your not the gay son his ashamed to tell his friends about !! You are a man made in the image of his son and you are awesome! I love u too bro ! You are my brother in Christ , You are not a second rate one either your struggle is my struggle I am hear to help you and will not abandon you in this!!
God has a plan and purpose for your life and it is Huge!!!

The fact that you are willing to step out and say I need help is amazing and I am inspired by your courage!

I am praying for your complete deliverance in every area homsexuality is just the symptom not the source!<staff edit>
U are not on your way to hell ,this is not how you were born, you will find a women that understands your past and you will be faithful to her, suicide is not an option for you and this world would be a sadder place without you in it!!!

As a representative of the Church I say sorry if you ever felt like an outcast or were treated like the blood of Jesus wasn't shed for you!

And as a man I apologize for any abuse you suffered sexually , verbally , mentally and spiritually at the hands of a man !

<staff edit>

God does not make bad investments and he invested His Son in you.

If u need to talk pm me.

Love never fails
Geoff

Click to expand...

tundrawolf said:

Hi,


I struggle with homosexuality. M/M sex is all that I have ever known. I can trace the root issues to my childhood.

In all of these horrible temptations, that leave me shaking and sweating, with no sleep during the night, I realize that God requires Holiness. And not just that, but that even though I desperately want to re- create some of those experiences (Even if they were awful) that ultimately the choice is mine to stop doing the things that might lead me back into that lifestyle.

I have been celibate for almost twenty years, now.

<staff edit>

So here I struggle. All alone, save this forum, begging you guys for prayer, for a breakthrough.

Recently I have come to realize that the only thing that will complete my physically in this world is a woman. Emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically.

However, I have read the stories of couples who have gotten married, where the husband has had SSA issues in the past, only to leave her for something twice as exciting, and ten times more empty, after he has forgotten his past experiences.

This terrifies me. I do not want to hurt a woman like this.

All my life it has been fighting the temptations... until they come back, again. And they are powerful.

God has shown me that homosexuality as it relates to Him, is a spiritual disease. It latches on either at birth due to sins of the father, or enters the person because of abuse and trauma, or a disconnect with their parents, etc.

<staff edit>

It seems as if my entire fulfillment (Emotional, spiritual, sexual) as a human being teeters on whether or not I have some random sexual experience with another man.

I also know that if I open that door again, the floodgates will open, as I have managed to be celibate for so long.

And amongst all this, I struggle terribly with trying to understand who God is, really. Constantly I go back and forth, with a God who looks for any reason to harm me, to a God who died to help me become more righteous, and closer to Him. I struggle with that... A God who would allow those things to happen to me. It makes my skin crawl, to think Jesus knew it was happening... And did nothing.

Almost like He approves of it, but I know He does not. <staff edit>

I am just being honest.

Yet, I know that I cannot enter the kingdom of Heaven without clinging to Jesus.

So I am torn, and shaken, and twisting in the wind, it seems, waiting for God to help me somehow. Yet, I also know the decision is mine to make- how much help will God offer...? I hope more than this, because times are hard for me, sexually speaking. I have not been intimate with another human being in almost twenty years. I am also in my mid thirties.

How I wish there was more help for people like me.

I don't want to do this anymore. I do not want to be me anymore, either.

Click to expand...