Struggling with a homosexual husband

I don't do negative replies, but I do do replies that are protective of those who ask questions of me.

I have no Bible based answers other than if he has acted upon his urges it might be considered adultery and also If he has you might be in danger of catching something horrible if he has acted upon it.Please get yourself tested and demand he does too. Some diseases like Aides have incubation periods, so I would be very cautious

If you have children with him it is far more complicated .

Warriorheart16 said:

I have gotten tested already , and just my luck we have one child together which makes it so a difficult situation. Thank you for your reply though!

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How old is the child and has he been tested? Also i would suggest a celibate relationship for at least 6 months so you will know for sure that you are out of danger.

I would go with him to seek counseling and not just with a secular councilor, but with a pastor as well. You need to hear if he is serious from a profession who is outside of the relationship and can be objective about this whole thing.

There is a disconnect and a trust issue here and you need to protect you and your child from loosing more than your trust in your husband. He has already lied to you and to God, when he made your wedding vows, because even the e-mails are a suggestion that in his heart he had already been unfaithful in his desires.

He needs deliverance.

I had a male friend who is homosexual, and he's been married (to a woman) for many years. They have children together and from appearances look to have a good marriage. The big difference is that he did not engage in a homosexual lifestyle. The Bible says that you can get divorced because of sexual immorality, and it sounds like your husband has indeed crossed that line. I would suggest having a serious talk with your husband, telling him that he must leave that lifestyle and be dedicated to his family or else you'll leave him for good. You don't want to be living like this the rest of your life, do you?

One thing that has not been stated: How committed is your husband to following the Lord? Is he even a believer?

If he is, and is committed to following the Lord; then good biblical counseling will do him a lot of good. If he is not, then counseling for yourself to heal from the betrayal would be in order. After that you can decide where you should go in the relationship.

Warriorheart16 said:

I have gotten tested already , and just my luck we have one child together which makes it so a difficult situation. Thank you for your reply though!

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Oh Darling ! you have some really tough choices ahead! I have known a few ladies who have had the same choices in front of them that you do now. we have spent a lot of time talking stuff out .
to me the first question and most important is about the child . is the child safe? and please don't assume it is.
all it takes is one minute and another generation is defiled and that is never really fixable in this life or not fully fixable and few ever attain that even.
if you know the child is safe and you have eyes on that child 24 /7
what do you know about Hosea and the concepts around intercession ?
because your one with him .. and sometimes the only way to heal something is like Jesus did for mankind , he did it from inside .

Chicken Little said:

Oh Darling ! you have some really tough choices ahead! I have known a few ladies who have had the same choices in front of them that you do now. we have spent a lot of time talking stuff out .
to me the first question and most important is about the child . is the child safe? and please don't assume it is.
all it takes is one minute and another generation is defiled and that is never really fixable in this life or not fully fixable and few ever attain that even.
if you know the child is safe and you have eyes on that child 24 /7
what do you know about Hosea and the concepts around intercession ?
because your one with him .. and sometimes the only way to heal something is like Jesus did for mankind , he did it from inside .

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That's scary. Thank you. I didn't even think of this and it is the most important question.

My wife told me her friend's family member is in this situation, a married couple where they have two older children. The woman works and the man is sick and stays home. Everyone thinks the woman is a b word. She is angry all the time. People think that is just how she is and they feel bad for her husband.

What they don't know is that the husband is sick with AIDS from homosexual affairs and the woman is working to take care of him while she is keeping his secret for their children's sake.

This might be too much but what they hey...

I know two guys who are divorced from women and have AIDS. They got married, one had kids and then they got divorced after coming out. Both got AIDS living the gay lifestyle. Both are okay guys. I get along with them. I sometimes wonder if they had stayed in the closet if they would not have AIDS and maybe be happier despite not fully expressing who they are.

Warriorheart16 said:

Although I have grounds on divorcing I don't want to give up on him!


I spoke to him about this and he said he'll take counseling and marriage counseling etc but it might be all talk.. I'm looking for solid Christian bible based advice on how to take on this challenge

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If you do not want to give up on him, and he is willing to go to counseling, then that sounds like the next step.

Warriorheart16 said:

Hosea the book? I haven't read it but I will now

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with all my Love and prayers dear. also if you chose to stay with him don't do it alone. to protect yourself and your child please get sisters or someone in your family to come and live with you until you know he is healed and delivered and whole. women in today society are so vulnerable . husbands and one wife , which would be all great if we actually lived in christian society that everyone was christian and dedicated whole and healed but we don't ! they are not and few are . I mean why did Abigail feel it was ok for her to go against her arrogant and foolish husbands wishes , even to save his life ? yes maybe because she had 5 maids with her at all times so you need some 'sisters' to live with you or end up staying with you most nights on the couch or where ever you can make room and soon. and that is more eyes to watch the child also. please! no you don't have to reveal his nakedness to them or anyone. he will in his time if he wants healing. but you and your child need to be safe so get and keep more people eho are watching out for you into your house somehow . please!

Warriorheart16 said:

I just made his appointment today.. He's been very distant since we spoke about this so I hope he still goes

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If he's distant then there might be something eating him. I hope things work out for everybody, but I'd not let my guard down. There's just too many If's going on here.

Warriorheart16 said:

Before I got married I caught my fiancé messaging men on dating sites. He told me it was s one time thing and he was curious before he got married also he told me of a horrible incident when he was younger of a family member a few years older raping him. I felt bad excused it and married anyways.. Over the course of 3 years I've found the same kind of emails but we dismissed them and tried ignoring it and went about our lives. We separated for a year and during that time he met with numerous strangers of the same sex . We got back together recently but it's still going on and more openly. Although I have grounds on divorcing I don't want to give up on him! But I am already so drained and depressed and worn out with this problem it's tearing us apart leaving our marriage hanging on a thread. I am a firm believer in Christ and I try to keep his commands and follow the bible but I am so lost in what to do or how to handle this. I spoke to him about this and he said he'll take counseling and marriage counseling etc but it might be all talk.. I'm looking for solid Christian bible based advice on how to take on this challenge .. I know it's a lot please no negative replies***

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Hi,

You caught him, before you were married. He told you that it was a one time thing. Then he proves to you, that no it is not a one time thing. That dear is a lie.

In contracts, and marriage is considered to be a leagally binding contract, the goods, of you and your mate, are to be accurately described. He did not describe himself accurately whether he knew of it or not.

You did not get, what you thought you were getting. In one church that is instant grounds for annulment. In law, it probably is also. Whether or not, an annulment takes place or not, the first item in that process in a divorce. You, did not get what you thought you were marrying.

Duplicity, lieing, or ignorance, not knowing himself if he has these tendencies or not, are not central to the issue of whether or not intent was involved in making the marriage contract null and void. What is important, is did you get what he promised to give you, in his sexual ways or not.

I am transgendered. I tell everyone not only that I am trangenedered, but espeically if anyone looks at me with those, I want to marry you eyes and ways. Transgender does not go away ever, according to literature. Some of us can control this a little and others cannot.

Your husband, said he had control when in fact he did not. Also, he never mentioned or knew that in fact he is homosexual. His actions prove he is.

Even if he was in denial and these are merely slips on his part, the point is contractually, you did not get what you contracted for. The contract is null and void.

LOVE,
...Mary., .... .

AHH who-stole-my-name said:

. . . if he has acted upon his urges it might be considered adultery . . .

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it IS adultery, although i wouldn't actually call it "sex".

to the OP:
if this man does not passionately love you enough that he would rather switch than fight, AND he has already stepped out on you . . . well, i wouldn't have him. period.

If you want to stay with him, I highly recommend you and him seek marriage counselling. He committed adultery and it is just as bad as if he had an affair with other women.

I urge you to pray to the Lord for wisdom and guidance for this and I also strongly advise you to pray for your husband.

Even if you choose to divorce him the Lord Jesus will still strive to reach out to him. Yet the Lord Jesus will always be with you and he will comfort you and provide you with guidance despite the tribulations. Jesus alone can truly truly save people, and that includes gay people and with that can bring true healing in their lives.