Do women want sex as much as men?

Or women wanting sex as much as men isn't the same as women wanting sex under specific circumstances.

While some women do prefer casual hookups, most I've known well enough to talk about it do want lots of sex but with an emotional component. Or they want certain character traits in the potential mate. That is missing from your experiment.

DGIHarris - I still contend your math and numbers have cultural bias. There is a millenia - long attitude in western culture that women do not even have a sex drive. That has been in place since about 400 bc when Hypocrates declared it. It was only in the early 1900s that it was found to be false. But the cultural bias is still there, and probably will be for another century or 2.

If you want accurate data, go to a culture that celebrates female sexual desire and has for centuries. I believe your numbers will be radically different.

Interesting points, harris.

I think it depends more on the individual. My wife and I have fairly similar libidos, and sometimes I want it more and sometimes she does.

Personally I am in a marriage where I started out with the stronger libido, but due to my health and the unexpected effects of pregnancy, my wife now has a noticeably higher libido than I do. It's not a set-in-stone thing for either gender, and within marriage, BOTH genders must recognize sexual gratification as a duty owed to the other spouse regardless of one's own libido.

Since this forum is for singles asking for marriage advice from married couples...I would say that the statistics don't matter and that it really depends from person to person. Generalizations are harmful for both sexes.

I'm a relatively young married person (as is my husband) and our libidos vary depending on the situation, how tired we are, etc. I do not think it is right for leaders of church communities to make generalizations about the sex lives of other married couples, since that may lead some to insecurities and/or feelings of sexual inadequacy....or perhaps too much "adequacy," if you have more sex drive than your husband and you're told that's abnormal.

For couples that remain celibate until marriage, I think a frank talk about thoughts on the importance of sex is necessary, as well as discussing that the importance placed on sex may vary throughout the marriage.

KwanLove said:

For couples that remain celibate until marriage, I think a frank talk about thoughts on the importance of sex is necessary, as well as discussing that the importance placed on sex may vary throughout the marriage.

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True. But it's important to remember that like most things in life there will be plenty of change. Trying to gauge the importance of sex and what one's libido will be once no longer celibate is difficult. I personally found my estimates were way off.

I turn my wife down much more frequently than she turns me down. She definitely has the higher libido in our relationship.

Ya, I don't know if we can tell how strong our libido will be after we get married. Some know it will be high. Others think it will be high but isn't and I've heard that story many times.

Plus certain relationship milestones can alter things too.

I've heard it explained this way:
God, in all of His infinite wisdom created man to be physical, dominant and the disciplinarian. While the woman was caring, loving and nurturing. Now pertaining to sex, from the way men are wired, they "need" to have sex because it's part of the way man was wired. However, women can have the same or greater need for sex due to the way that she communicates with man. Think of "pushing the right sequence of buttons" if you will. However, that's just my take on it.

Age is also a factor. When men are younger, they have a high libido. Women not so much. Women have a higher need for family, ect. so the draw for sex may not be as much as for their own libido as is for pleasing her husband or having children. As men age their libido goes down. Women get in touch with their bodies and understand more and libido goes up. I am 52 and have been married for 33 years. Pretty much we passed each other in the libido department as I went up and he went down.

In my personal experience I have found the older I get the less drive I have whereas it is the opposite for my wife. I think it comes in phases of life - at least in our experience. I don't know if the craving for sex is as strong in women as it is in men but in my case it was extremely strong when I was young and my wife rarely said no to sex - so I rarely so no at this stage in our lives (40s). I will say this - even if I'm not in the mood when we start out - I'm certainly a happy man by time we finish. Remembering that is what keeps me going.

AndOne said:

In my personal experience I have found the older I get the less drive I have whereas it is the opposite for my wife. I think it comes in phases of life - at least in our experience. I don't know if the craving for sex is as strong in women as it is in men but in my case it was extremely strong when I was young and my wife rarely said no to sex - so I rarely so no at this stage in our lives (40s). I will say this - even if I'm not in the mood when we start out - I'm certainly a happy man by time we finish. Remembering that is what keeps me going.

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I wish all men felt that way. I rarely said no myself. Unfortunately mine doesn't give a rip if I want it or not, it's only when he wants it.

DaveW-Ohev said:

DGIHarris - I still contend your math and numbers have cultural bias. There is a millenia - long attitude in western culture that women do not even have a sex drive. That has been in place since about 400 bc when Hypocrates declared it. It was only in the early 1900s that it was found to be false. But the cultural bias is still there, and probably will be for another century or 2.

If you want accurate data, go to a culture that celebrates female sexual desire and has for centuries. I believe your numbers will be radically different.

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Nope. Even in cultures where female sexual desire is not "Shamed", the data still overwhelmingly sides with men.

Again, why doesn't this "shame" pertain to other things like food and obesity? Why doesn't your logic apply to ANY OTHER medium that offers an accurate comparison?

I can't find the data and I've looked for it. So instead of wishing the data into existence, feel free to find this data you claim exists. Look in the EAST, Look in the SOUTH, LOOK in the NORTH, and guess what, data still sides with my argument.

I think everyone places too much importance on sex. Yes, it's great and something to be enjoyed but there are so many other wonderful aspects to a relationship. It's just one part of a larger picture.

dgiharris said:

Nope. Even in cultures where female sexual desire is not "Shamed", the data still overwhelmingly sides with men.

Again, why doesn't this "shame" pertain to other things like food and obesity? Why doesn't your logic apply to ANY OTHER medium that offers an accurate comparison?

I can't find the data and I've looked for it. So instead of wishing the data into existence, feel free to find this data you claim exists. Look in the EAST, Look in the SOUTH, LOOK in the NORTH, and guess what, data still sides with my argument.

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Because culturally men are congratulated for a high sex drive, women are not. Men it hits when they are younger, more likely to tell a fish story about conquests; women it hits older, more private time of their life.

Thunder Peel said:

I think everyone places too much importance on sex. Yes, it's great and something to be enjoyed but there are so many other wonderful aspects to a relationship. It's just one part of a larger picture.

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It is something that can break a relationship. So for a long term relationship it is important.

HerCrazierHalf said:

It is something that can break a relationship. So for a long term relationship it is important.

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Only for people with little or no self control. It's a wonderful part of marriage but from the way people talk it you'd think that's all there is. If you can't enjoy your spouse's humor, intelligence, creativity or sweetness and grow with them in Christ without it revolving around sex then your priorities need to be restructured.

Thunder Peel said:

Only for people with little or no self control. It's a wonderful part of marriage but from the way people talk it you'd think that's all there is. If you can't enjoy your spouse's humor, intelligence, creativity or sweetness and grow with them in Christ without it revolving around sex then your priorities need to be restructured.

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True in one sense. We can limp along and maybe do just fine. But that is NOT how God designed marriage to be, and not everyone has that kind of "self control." Indeed, Paul says the opposite in 1 Cor 7. He never says to have more self control for unmet sexual needs. He says it is better to marry than to burn, and for spouses to not neglect their partner in this area. He makes it a matter of stewardship. If your spouse is frustrated, it is YOUR responsibility to remedy that.