How do I go about this?

Maybe you should pre-emptively tell them that you don't want any lectures and that you're leaving if they give you one?

Doctors aren't supposed to judge you; if they do, they risk their patients holding back vital information, like you are now. That makes them bad doctors. If yours does this, look for another one. But medical histories are important, so if you can, I'd tell them.

A doctor shouldn't lecture you but they need to know your real history in order to treat or test you properly. Your information is protected and any medical personal could lose their license for disclosing it to anyone without your permission. Be careful to not assume any educational teaching is a "lecture" because the purpose should only be to disclose the risks that you need to be aware of when making your own personal health decisions (and they are your personal choices, not anyone elses). If a doctor determines that you lied, he can opt not to treat you....and it is important for your gyn doctor to know if you have participated in some risky behavior or had a baby or an abortion because it might change how they approach a particular treatment plan. (I am a RN on a gyn/medical floor at a major hospital)

I mean would go into the car repair shop and say..."I won't tell you what has been going on...just tell me if there is a problem?"

Your gyn needs to know your entire history. If she/he doesn't treat you with respect concerning all aspects of your life, then you need to find another one. This is such a delicate and personal type of doctor's visit. Trust and safety is the environment that should be provided. It does exist. Remember, no matter what your concern is, you aren't the first time this doctor has heard it or the last time. It is part of your history and is significant. No one else has to know but you need to share. You might even find the doctor is able to provide encouragement and hope and comfort. Often people are afraid of things that actually can be treated and improved on. I actually value the fact I can "normalize" so many things "female" as I work even though my hands and my eyes are in areas of the body seldom seen or touched by other people. I value the fact that I can be a safe person for women of all ages to ask questions that they are too embarrassed to ask anyone else. If your doctor doesn't meet your expectations on being gentle about a gentle subject, ask your friends if they have gyns that they like and trust. You don't need to share the details beyond the fact you don't like yours anymore.

Inthesafeplace said:

I want to see the gyno and ask for std testing/pap smear/complete workup, but I do not want to disclose sex history. I know this will be a major set back for the doctors, but I don't want to tell them anything. I don't know what I should say or how I should say it. I've noticed some doctors can be firm/ speak with a firm tone. When anyone gets that way, I start to get a little panicky and stutter.
I know I need to go. I guess I just want someone to tell me I'm not being unreasonable or crazy.

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Former nurse here... um, is there a compelling reason you don't want to talk about your sexual past? Don't tell me, just answer to yourself. Because your best option is to find a gynae you can trust and who you feel comfortable to discuss this stuff with. There are legitimate medical reasons they ask, it's not just to embarrass you.

Also, please remember that doctors and health care staff are professionals who a. want to help you and sincerely care about your well being, b. I promise, they have heard it all before, I promise there is nothing you can tell the average nurse or doctor that they would find shocking, let alone a specialist in the field. Also remember your confidentiality is legally protected, so no matter how intimate and personally confronting whatever it is you're worried about, your doctor can't tell anyone else, ever. So anything you're worried about is strictly between your doctor and you.

Inthesafeplace said:

It's not that I'm fearing a lecture. I've unconvered something incredibly personal and painful. I think you get it. It's difficult to admit. Apart from that, I have no history.

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I faced the same thing when i was raped and kept the baby. I felt it was my baby and he deserved the right to live but i didnt want to be congratulated or discuss details with anyone- even the doctors. So i told them i was here for testing and results but was not up for questions. I just wanted facts about my current state- the way it came to be was personal and my business. It shut them down and i had the baby! It will make them a little standoffish but you wont get questioned!