Ive posted quite a bit. I'm going to try to keep this short. I have health issues, I'm not going to go into this time. But I will randomly feel violent pain or like I'm going to puke. Along with extreme fatigue.I'm stuck at home all day. I can't meet people, I can't work a job, I can't go to school, I can't do anything at all that requires me to be somewhere at a set time. I'm sick so much that I can't make it, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it until about an hour or so before time to be there. I basicly go to church, and thats it.
I've somewhat been able to make peace with the physical agony. But the loneliness. its killing me. Ive never had a girlfriend. only been on 2 dates in my life. Kissed a girl once. I literally don't even know what a relationship is really like. I'm 22, no idea, other than it involves enjoying being around each other. I know I want one, but I can't, and in a way Ive made peace with that. Its not possible, I can't leave my house, how can I date? But it still leaves me with crippling loneliness. I don't want a woman to "fix" my loneliness mind you, But no contact with ANYONE outside my family face to face regularly? its killing me. I can't explain how much I wish I could just hug a girl that likes me.
I reach out online, Ive made friends that way, many of them women. I talk to them, and we are friends, its nice, I like it. But sometimes, those simply friendships turn bad, i say things I regret, we talk in ways we shouldn't. I regret those things and accept them for what they are, me sinning in an act try to reach out and cope somehow with this lonliness, to have some non platonic connection to any woman whatsoever. I repent, I make amends to not do it, but then tend to make the same mistake.
the loneliness is killing me. I haven't touched a person, not even a handshake, outside my family in months, at least not that I remember.
There is no hope of me being able to leave without a miracle. Ive been to so many doctors, and I'm so tired. I have no idea how to continue. I don't have any other choice but to continue, but I don't know how, at least without making the same mistakes over and over.
I've somewhat been able to make peace with the physical agony. But the loneliness. its killing me. Ive never had a girlfriend. only been on 2 dates in my life. Kissed a girl once. I literally don't even know what a relationship is really like. I'm 22, no idea, other than it involves enjoying being around each other. I know I want one, but I can't, and in a way Ive made peace with that. Its not possible, I can't leave my house, how can I date? But it still leaves me with crippling loneliness. I don't want a woman to "fix" my loneliness mind you, But no contact with ANYONE outside my family face to face regularly? its killing me. I can't explain how much I wish I could just hug a girl that likes me.
I reach out online, Ive made friends that way, many of them women. I talk to them, and we are friends, its nice, I like it. But sometimes, those simply friendships turn bad, i say things I regret, we talk in ways we shouldn't. I regret those things and accept them for what they are, me sinning in an act try to reach out and cope somehow with this lonliness, to have some non platonic connection to any woman whatsoever. I repent, I make amends to not do it, but then tend to make the same mistake.
the loneliness is killing me. I haven't touched a person, not even a handshake, outside my family in months, at least not that I remember.
There is no hope of me being able to leave without a miracle. Ive been to so many doctors, and I'm so tired. I have no idea how to continue. I don't have any other choice but to continue, but I don't know how, at least without making the same mistakes over and over.