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OCD, Social Anxiety and Depression

ninjatoth

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Those are what I have been diagnosed with. I am on disability for mental illness because I was originally mis-diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was 16 and because I was a disabled "child"(even though I applied for benefits at 19) I got benefits right away. I have always had trouble in my life holding jobs, and when I told the SSA that my new diagnosis was just OCD and social anxiety with depression they just shrugged it off telling me that they have categories for anxiety anyways so I should just leave it alone, so I did. Anyways, OCD sucks, for me it's not the Hollywood version of the illness, mine is mostly racing thoughts and obsessive thoughts, I rarely have compulsive behaviors. The social anxiety is even worse, I would say that my social anxiety is the only real thing that disables me. I just wish people understood it more. They either think i'm talking about anti-social personality disorder which isn't even remotely related to it, or they think that I have fear of crowds, and that's not even close either. Social anxiety is nervousness that results in terrible panic attacks if you can't calm down, and usually it's small social circles that cause the anxiety, like family reunions, school, working with other people closely etc. Anyways, I have these disorders and they suck, but they also make me who I am.
 

plummyy

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I also have the disorders that you listed, and it is not fun.

I struggle with trich (ocd) and have social anxiety/and general anxiety which causes me to obsess over my appearance, have doubts and obsessive thoughts/worries that people are watching me closely all the time (the cameras at my work don't help, even though I know that someone is only watching through them 60% of the time, but I don't know when, or if that's true).

I've constantly had to correct people when they call me "anti-social". If I were anti-social, I wouldn't be huddled in a corner, I would be attacking them, physically or mentally... which I do not do. If anything, I may be a-social, but I think most of my unwillingness to be social is purely from my anxiety. Preforming tasks, like counting in front of people, can break me out into intense sweats. I regularly lose feeling in my hands, become dizzy, and have vomited from nervousness/panic. However, if I have seemingly complete control over a situation (when/where/how/who) then I can overpass my anxiety and be a very extroverted person (in the sense of loud behavior and without concern around others).

Like you said, these things are what I have lived with and I know them well. It's part of me in the way that it's become so normal that these things feel like my attributes, and I'm not sure how I really feel about them- bad, good?-they are simply what I am. If that means wearing false eyelashes/having thinned hair, not going out without having spent 2+ hours on my appearance, and never being on the same wavelength of "joy" as everyone else--okay, no shame.
(btw, try counting your pulse during an attack to calm down if you don't already do)

Happy trails and good luck in your endeavors friend :wineglass::wineglass:
 
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