On the outside, I looked happy. On the outside, I seemed to be heading towards a successful future. On the outside, everyone thought I was doing great. But on the inside, I was spiraling every day in a vicious cycle of paranoia over my body image and feeling like my world would cave in if I even felt like I gained weight.
It all started in high school when I wanted to lose weight because I thought I was “fat.” The typical phase that most girls go through at least some point in her life. A couple times I attempted not eating. But that was too hard because I got too hungry. So my mind started to venture into more possible ways of losing weight. Fast. There were a couple times my thoughts flirted around the idea of anorexia but that was too extreme and I was honestly afraid to even consider going that far.
So the next option was bulimia.
Even this idea was extreme but once I tried it a couple times, it became a feeling of relief and excitement thinking that this was my answer to looking thin. I told myself that I wouldn’t let it get too far. But once I noticed and even others started to notice my weight loss, it soon became an addiction.
Not that I was even big in the first place, but in one month I dropped a number of pounds. People noticed. Within 2 months, bulimia wasn’t just fun anymore. I became paralyzed by it. I became its victim. And people started to get scared for me.
I was in my first year of college once bulimia started taking a hold of my life. My college friends knew me as the wallflower. The girl who likes to stay in her room. The girl who is thin. The girl who gets straight A’s. But behind it all, I was the girl held as a prisoner in the cage of her own mind.
After two years, I dropped down to a staggering low weight. And that’s very thin considering I am tall. I saw a therapist, I read self-help books, I spoke to a doctor. But my life at this point was a number on the scale and counting the bones on my body. It was a mind battle that I was losing every day.
But there was one day I clearly remember, I’m not sure how this idea came to me. But it really felt like a lightbulb went off and this idea just fell from the sky onto my mind. I had the thought that I wanted to use my struggle as a testimony to glorify God. I don’t know why but at that moment, I was determined. Determined to help even one person overcome his or her struggle against anorexia and bulimia.
Of course I struggled still myself but this is when I started to really pray to God and seek out after Him. I started to read the Bible more and I started to get more involved with church. It was at this point I really wanted to do God’s will, whatever it was, and really just devote my life to Him.
It wasn’t until a few months later when my high school friend, I haven’t spoken to in about a year, contacted me and asked me how I was doing. We made small talk and decided to get dinner. At the dinner, he asked me if I wanted to do a bible study, so I said sure, why not. I’m doing another bible study but what do I have to lose?
Well I was wrong about this bible study. Because I had everything to gain.
When I used to read the Bible, I only picked and chose verses that I felt would touch my emotions. But through this bible study, I saw the Bible in a completely different light.
Within 2 months of learning the Word, I was able to overcome my struggles with anorexia and bulimia because finally my heart was filled with a hope that was so real. I never felt God so close and I never felt this loved.
It’s been now 6 years since I overcame my battle against my eating disorder and since I started learning the Word. And every day still, I am learning so much more about God and am perceiving so much depth in God’s purpose.
There are different ways that the world can offer to battle your struggles. But if you are finally ready to get over this struggle for good and get closer to God, please contact me and let’s overcome together. I know it’s not easy opening up to people. But I’ve been there. And I can help.
Even if you’re not dealing with anything like this but you want to know the true God and you have questions regarding the Bible. Please do not hesitate to contact me as well.
I look forward to hearing from you.
It all started in high school when I wanted to lose weight because I thought I was “fat.” The typical phase that most girls go through at least some point in her life. A couple times I attempted not eating. But that was too hard because I got too hungry. So my mind started to venture into more possible ways of losing weight. Fast. There were a couple times my thoughts flirted around the idea of anorexia but that was too extreme and I was honestly afraid to even consider going that far.
So the next option was bulimia.
Even this idea was extreme but once I tried it a couple times, it became a feeling of relief and excitement thinking that this was my answer to looking thin. I told myself that I wouldn’t let it get too far. But once I noticed and even others started to notice my weight loss, it soon became an addiction.
Not that I was even big in the first place, but in one month I dropped a number of pounds. People noticed. Within 2 months, bulimia wasn’t just fun anymore. I became paralyzed by it. I became its victim. And people started to get scared for me.
I was in my first year of college once bulimia started taking a hold of my life. My college friends knew me as the wallflower. The girl who likes to stay in her room. The girl who is thin. The girl who gets straight A’s. But behind it all, I was the girl held as a prisoner in the cage of her own mind.
After two years, I dropped down to a staggering low weight. And that’s very thin considering I am tall. I saw a therapist, I read self-help books, I spoke to a doctor. But my life at this point was a number on the scale and counting the bones on my body. It was a mind battle that I was losing every day.
But there was one day I clearly remember, I’m not sure how this idea came to me. But it really felt like a lightbulb went off and this idea just fell from the sky onto my mind. I had the thought that I wanted to use my struggle as a testimony to glorify God. I don’t know why but at that moment, I was determined. Determined to help even one person overcome his or her struggle against anorexia and bulimia.
Of course I struggled still myself but this is when I started to really pray to God and seek out after Him. I started to read the Bible more and I started to get more involved with church. It was at this point I really wanted to do God’s will, whatever it was, and really just devote my life to Him.
It wasn’t until a few months later when my high school friend, I haven’t spoken to in about a year, contacted me and asked me how I was doing. We made small talk and decided to get dinner. At the dinner, he asked me if I wanted to do a bible study, so I said sure, why not. I’m doing another bible study but what do I have to lose?
Well I was wrong about this bible study. Because I had everything to gain.
When I used to read the Bible, I only picked and chose verses that I felt would touch my emotions. But through this bible study, I saw the Bible in a completely different light.
Within 2 months of learning the Word, I was able to overcome my struggles with anorexia and bulimia because finally my heart was filled with a hope that was so real. I never felt God so close and I never felt this loved.
It’s been now 6 years since I overcame my battle against my eating disorder and since I started learning the Word. And every day still, I am learning so much more about God and am perceiving so much depth in God’s purpose.
There are different ways that the world can offer to battle your struggles. But if you are finally ready to get over this struggle for good and get closer to God, please contact me and let’s overcome together. I know it’s not easy opening up to people. But I’ve been there. And I can help.
Even if you’re not dealing with anything like this but you want to know the true God and you have questions regarding the Bible. Please do not hesitate to contact me as well.
I look forward to hearing from you.
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