Hi, I hope this is in the right section. This question has been bothering me for a long time now...in general, and also in my personal life. What's the deal with narcissistic Christians?
I'm really puzzled about this issue because I have a friend who fits the description of a classic narcissist. I've known him almost five years. He brags all the time and turns everything into a competition...even minor and petty things. If I mention some vacation I went on or something, he always has to "one up" my story with his BETTER and more EXCITING vacation. That's just one example...but almost everything becomes this sort of contest with him, and I honestly find it really annoying.
He also becomes jealous about really strange things, like when I got my driver's license or when I talk to other friends. One time I gave my friend a gift and he acted jealous. Later he told me I "forced the gift" onto my friend and was being pushy. That came completely out of nowhere and really disturbed me. He also acted jealous when I started working at a job that paid more than his.
He has a lack of empathy, which is key in narcissistic personalities. He doesn't feel sad when someone is hurt or going through a hard time...or even when he loses a loved one. He told me he "doesn't know how to act" in those situations, and he has admitted that he can't imagine feeling sad about something in the news such as children being injured in war. When he does try to show emotion in situations where most people would be grieving, his emotions seem forced and...off, somehow. They're not genuine, and others have noticed this too.
What confuses me is that this guy is a Christian, and his Christianity seems quite sincere. He tries to live a good life, but he hurts others with his boasting and lack of empathy. For example, one time I was going through a really tough time at my job (the one I mentioned earlier) and said I was thinking of quitting. He said, "Really?" He had a huge grin on his face and I could hear the glee in his voice like Christmas came early. I realized that he would be glad if I quit my job because he somehow feels threatened by it. I found that really offensive because a true friend wouldn't be glad about that. A couple of days later he sent texts bragging about something good that happened at his job. I stopped talking to him.
Also, he has asked to go out with me, but I'm not interested. However, he tries to act like we're "together" in public and always wants to dominate my free time. I've told him to back off, but he keeps doing the same thing.
So...I haven't talked to him for a few months now. I took the "no contact" advice, which is supposed to be the best way to handle narcissists. However, he keeps texting, trying to call, emailing, and even showing up at my door like a stalker. I really don't know what to do.
Thanks to anyone who took time to read that long story. I have two questions weighing on my heart now. The first one is, obviously...what's the best way to handle this situation? He is claiming to be worried about me, but I suspect that's just manipulation and attempting to start a conversation.
My second question is...can a narcissist be a true Christian? Their personalities are characterized by a lack of empathy, jealousy, cutting down others to make themselves appear superior, and constant boasting. Those aren't traits that God appreciates....The Bible mentions God's hatred of pride quite often. How can someone with the Holy Spirit consistently behave that way?
I'd appreciate any insights or advice.
I'm really puzzled about this issue because I have a friend who fits the description of a classic narcissist. I've known him almost five years. He brags all the time and turns everything into a competition...even minor and petty things. If I mention some vacation I went on or something, he always has to "one up" my story with his BETTER and more EXCITING vacation. That's just one example...but almost everything becomes this sort of contest with him, and I honestly find it really annoying.
He also becomes jealous about really strange things, like when I got my driver's license or when I talk to other friends. One time I gave my friend a gift and he acted jealous. Later he told me I "forced the gift" onto my friend and was being pushy. That came completely out of nowhere and really disturbed me. He also acted jealous when I started working at a job that paid more than his.
He has a lack of empathy, which is key in narcissistic personalities. He doesn't feel sad when someone is hurt or going through a hard time...or even when he loses a loved one. He told me he "doesn't know how to act" in those situations, and he has admitted that he can't imagine feeling sad about something in the news such as children being injured in war. When he does try to show emotion in situations where most people would be grieving, his emotions seem forced and...off, somehow. They're not genuine, and others have noticed this too.
What confuses me is that this guy is a Christian, and his Christianity seems quite sincere. He tries to live a good life, but he hurts others with his boasting and lack of empathy. For example, one time I was going through a really tough time at my job (the one I mentioned earlier) and said I was thinking of quitting. He said, "Really?" He had a huge grin on his face and I could hear the glee in his voice like Christmas came early. I realized that he would be glad if I quit my job because he somehow feels threatened by it. I found that really offensive because a true friend wouldn't be glad about that. A couple of days later he sent texts bragging about something good that happened at his job. I stopped talking to him.
Also, he has asked to go out with me, but I'm not interested. However, he tries to act like we're "together" in public and always wants to dominate my free time. I've told him to back off, but he keeps doing the same thing.
So...I haven't talked to him for a few months now. I took the "no contact" advice, which is supposed to be the best way to handle narcissists. However, he keeps texting, trying to call, emailing, and even showing up at my door like a stalker. I really don't know what to do.
Thanks to anyone who took time to read that long story. I have two questions weighing on my heart now. The first one is, obviously...what's the best way to handle this situation? He is claiming to be worried about me, but I suspect that's just manipulation and attempting to start a conversation.
My second question is...can a narcissist be a true Christian? Their personalities are characterized by a lack of empathy, jealousy, cutting down others to make themselves appear superior, and constant boasting. Those aren't traits that God appreciates....The Bible mentions God's hatred of pride quite often. How can someone with the Holy Spirit consistently behave that way?
I'd appreciate any insights or advice.
Last edited: