metal-prism
Monastic Creature
- Dec 8, 2021
- 23
- 23
- 37
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Private
I think I am still in the midst of my "conversion".
I grew up agnostic, non-religious. A few years ago I began inquiring into Christianity, very reluctantly.
I've spent the past 3-5 years taking these agonizing baby-steps towards God, learning a little, praying a little, writing down my sins, but not really wanting to commit.
At some point, though, I began praying with real intent and desperation, and studying the rudimentary basics of Christian theology. I also read through a graphic novel version of the bible.
In 2020, before the the world went full-on pandemic, I went to get baptized by a Lutheran minister. Afterwards, I seemed to fall into a downward spiral of depression, doubting salvation, feeling hopeless and separated from God, resentful towards God, and falling into sin a million times over.
Eventually, I came across a sedevacantist Youtube channel and was very curious. I learned a lot of traditional Catholic beliefs through them, and began learning the Rosary, and picked up a catechism. I was still unsure about Catholicism, because of what I'd heard about Vatican 2, the sexual abuse scandals, and even Christopher Hitchens had made some great arguments against them - but I still felt drawn towards the church.
I did consider Eastern Orthodoxy a lot, as I have an adoration for their spirituality as well, and I admire people like Father Seraphim Rose.
But as it stands, I find myself currently in RCIA, probably more out of convenience than anything else. I am able to attend class online via livestream. This is incredibly convenient for me at the moment, as I have extreme social anxiety and agoraphobia.
I've been trying to muster the courage to attend mass. God willingly, I will find it eventually.
Side-note:
I've also read through a few NDE's online, one of which occurred while the person was at the communion rail at a Latin mass. I've also had a few exchanges with a woman who told me she had a miraculous conversion from atheism to Traditional Catholic at a Latin mass, and that she feels positive that God wanted her to stop attending the new mass at all. This all seemed to affirm that there is a spiritual significance to traditional Catholicism.
My conversion is definitely not over. There is a lot of work to be done on me. A few nights ago, I picked up the bible for the first time in a long time and started meditating on a couple scriptures. I began praying the rosary a bit more. I definitely feel a Grace over me that I did not have even a few days ago. But I know I have to persevere in it and not succumb to the desires of the flesh.
I'm trying to learn how to love God, and to live a spiritual life out of love, not out of fear.
I grew up agnostic, non-religious. A few years ago I began inquiring into Christianity, very reluctantly.
I've spent the past 3-5 years taking these agonizing baby-steps towards God, learning a little, praying a little, writing down my sins, but not really wanting to commit.
At some point, though, I began praying with real intent and desperation, and studying the rudimentary basics of Christian theology. I also read through a graphic novel version of the bible.
In 2020, before the the world went full-on pandemic, I went to get baptized by a Lutheran minister. Afterwards, I seemed to fall into a downward spiral of depression, doubting salvation, feeling hopeless and separated from God, resentful towards God, and falling into sin a million times over.
Eventually, I came across a sedevacantist Youtube channel and was very curious. I learned a lot of traditional Catholic beliefs through them, and began learning the Rosary, and picked up a catechism. I was still unsure about Catholicism, because of what I'd heard about Vatican 2, the sexual abuse scandals, and even Christopher Hitchens had made some great arguments against them - but I still felt drawn towards the church.
I did consider Eastern Orthodoxy a lot, as I have an adoration for their spirituality as well, and I admire people like Father Seraphim Rose.
But as it stands, I find myself currently in RCIA, probably more out of convenience than anything else. I am able to attend class online via livestream. This is incredibly convenient for me at the moment, as I have extreme social anxiety and agoraphobia.
I've been trying to muster the courage to attend mass. God willingly, I will find it eventually.
Side-note:
I've also read through a few NDE's online, one of which occurred while the person was at the communion rail at a Latin mass. I've also had a few exchanges with a woman who told me she had a miraculous conversion from atheism to Traditional Catholic at a Latin mass, and that she feels positive that God wanted her to stop attending the new mass at all. This all seemed to affirm that there is a spiritual significance to traditional Catholicism.
My conversion is definitely not over. There is a lot of work to be done on me. A few nights ago, I picked up the bible for the first time in a long time and started meditating on a couple scriptures. I began praying the rosary a bit more. I definitely feel a Grace over me that I did not have even a few days ago. But I know I have to persevere in it and not succumb to the desires of the flesh.
I'm trying to learn how to love God, and to live a spiritual life out of love, not out of fear.
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