Here's an article full of factoids that was posted elsewhere:
Before or after the wedding?
This shows the point I was making.
In addition:
In the OT, you will see that adultery (married person with another person, married or non) was punishable by death, pre-marital sex (where the girl was NOT betrothed) was punishable by the man having to offer to marry the girl, and between betrothed couples.... NO RECORD. It's just as if they chose to consumate their marriage early.
If you bring up the idea of Joseph wanting to divorce Mary because she was pregnant... this was because it wasn't HIS child. Not the fact that she was pregnant. If he had been the father, their marriage would have been consumated already.
Also, the word in the NT translated "fornication" did not originally include pre-marital sex. True, it is said it is better to marry than to burn (with passion) but then again back then marriage started with the BETROTHAL. I understand that the betrothal ideal was to keep apart for some time for preparation, however there seems to have been no punishment if they did end up consumating it early because they were already bound together through their vows (which were taken at betrothal.)
Our modern-day engagement can be broken if the couple chooses to do so. I do not think that this was ever supposed to be the case. Thus, my fiance and I decided that the only basis for us breaking off the engagement would be the grounds for a biblical divorce, and only if we could not reconcile.
So in essence what I am saying is:
1) Sex between a dating relationship (where they haven't yet made a commitment to each other for life) is wrong.
2) Sex in an engagement where they have not set biblical grounds for breaking it off (biblical grounds for divorce) is wrong.
3) An engagement that has set biblical grounds for breaking off the relationship is actually a betrothal. They have made a commitment to each other for life.
4) In such a case, there seems to be no penalty for having sex. They just consumated their marriage early.
6) I am not saying that legal marriage is not a necessity, because if a couple makes this commitment to each other they should have no qualms about making it a legal marriage as they have the resources to do so.
Just my $0.10 I guess.