Dont get me wrong, there are still pangs of disappointment here and there, they don't last very long and I am still actively searching. It's still an uphill battle and a challenge. My anxieties and the fallout from my abuse as a child are not defeated by any means . And I still battle with the uncertainty on not knowing God's plan or what he is setting me up forThanks for sharing your journey and this updates. It's a testimony of faith and love. I was hoping you will eventually see. I'm glad you are starting to understand the wisdom of God and I'm proud of your achievements thus far.
But as I increase my experience and interactions, I can have more context on getting to know people, where my interactions are not so "do or die" I guess. The negative feelings associated with how I feel are not as intense, I can sort of step back and look objectively and just breathe so to speak
For example last night I met a gorgeous girl at bible study. And in talking to her, I had pretty much no anxiety or worry about it. Not to say she wasn't intimidating but I could handle it and go with it. I could stay balanced on the surfboard and just ride. I wasnt in my head about "what do I say, should I say this or that, how do I look, am I gon a say something stupid"...I wasnt getting lost in my own head about trying to impress her or anything. I was just kind of myself
And when I found out I probably was never gonna see her again, I was only a tiny bit devastated xD
Again, this monolith of being self conscious and overthinking is not GONE. But God has given me power and tools to at least take some chunks out of it
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