Hi

[HopefulLidija]

Hello I'm Lidija,

I have found myself in sex industry the last year and half. I grew up in Ukraine and life was hard. My father was absent and my mother had 3 of us so it was struggle to eat. I turn 21 and grow up pretty so I decided to sign up to find a man from abroad. I met my future husband Kevin that way. I thought I find a dream. I was a poor girl and was talking to a man that seemed lovely to me and wanted me. I sure life became easy.

It really end up harder then I expect. I had only bad english when I came to America. I never realize how hard it can be when you have no clue what people saying. I have no friends and totally rely on Kevin. I have no job or money beside Kevin. It still okay because Kevin so good to me at first. Things change when I got pregnant and lost the baby. He started yelling at me and started hitting me. I get so upset I cry all time even when Kevin not around. He tell me I worthless and leave me. I thrown out with nothing. I have no education really and no real money. I stuck with no friends or option. I start stripping to have place to live. I still do because I can do for job. I am not smart or good with words here. I feel things be the same back home so the same for me. I not know what to do...

 

[BlondieLashes]

Hi Lidjia! (Beautiful name) Your story made me cry. I feel for you so much. Would you ever be willing to contact someone for help? My friend Harmony Dust at Treasures would be able to give you some support.

 

[HopefulLidija]

Hi BlondieLashes,

Thank you for think my name Beautiful. I lucky I like my name. I sorry my story make you cry. I have sad story I feel. Thank you for kind words. I would like to have contact with a person that could help me. I read some of your friend site and read some stories. It a very good thing what she doing.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Lidjia, You can call me Courtney. It's okay that your story made me cry. I cry because I care. I've been through hard times too... you can read my story at the treasures website...under Courtney's story.

Please find the courage to send Harmony an email through the website. I really think she could help.

 

[HopefulLidija]

It nice to meet you Courtney. Thank you so much for care. It seem no people care for us who get caught in sex industry. I sad a lot because that and what Kevin do to me. I feel so much like life good and change so bad. I know Kevin blame me for lose our baby. I never smoke never drink back then so it just happen. I never had chance to be grieving because i have to defend myself. When he kick me out and divorce i feel like i lose my only friend and family. I have wait him to come to me again but i think never will now. It make me cry a lot when i think of all this.

I read your story Courtney. You have go through so much to! Seem from other story i read that most of the girl that work sex industry have gone through much. I sorry for what you go through. I think I email Harmony soon. I will have time to do tomorrow i hope.

Hope you well courtney

 

[New Creation]

Hi Lidija,

I agree with Courtney- I think you have a beautiful name too. I also think that your English is probably better than you think it is! Great job! You are getting your points across to us just fine.

The Treasures people are really wonderful people who can help. I hope you contact them.

I'm so sorry you lost your baby Lidija. It's a terrible tragedy. I understand your pain because I lost a baby a few years ago too. It was NOT your fault and it is a shame that Kevin blamed you. He should not have. That was very wrong of him. You did not deserve to be hurt by him. I am so sorry that happened to you.

There are some girls who come to this site who have been very alone too. I think all of us can understand a little bit how you feel.

My name is Paula and I live up in Canada. I worked with many Ukranian girls in my stripping career. Very down to earth, strong people. I liked them very much. Welcome to the forum. We hope to hear from you often!! God bless you!

 

[BlondieLashes]

Lidija,

I am so sorry you lost your baby. I know Paula can really relate. Paula is right, it is not your fault. I am so sorry you did not have the chance to grieve your loss. That has to be very painful.

Your English is quite good! I too worked with several women from the Ukraine and would have to agree that they were very down to earth, good people.

I am glad to hear you will contact Harmony. I know that she can help you get on the right path!

You are brave for opening up here and I am glad you found us!

 

[Coralie]

Hi Lidija, I hope you read this! I see you are Orthodox (I am too!). I also know many Ukrainian people so it's nice to meet a Ukrainian here too.

You should contact Harmony like Courtney says. Harmony is such a good person and she will know how to help you. She also understands the pain you are going through. It will help so much to talk to her.

You can also contact the Orthodox church in your area and ask the priest for any help. He might be able to help you find other work, or a place to live, or other help that you need. You could speak to the priest's wife if you prefer that. They might speak Ukrainian which might be easier for you.

Thinking of you and sending you my love and prayers.

 

[HopefulLidija]

It's nice to meet you Paula. Thank you for thinking my name beautiful! I glad that I get point across. I think i scared i making no sense or look stupid some time.

I sorry you lose baby to. It hard it take me so long to try heel from it. I still never heel really. I feel so abandon from Kevin. I wish thing different. I very alone so hope it change soon.

I glad you like Ukrainian people. We for most part honest and loyal people.

Courtney,

Thank you Courtney I glad you understand. Glad you like people from my country to. I write harmoney soon just got busy this week. I had to work 2 day double shift for call out. Have to work today but off tomorrow.

Glad I find here to. You all are real friendly.

Hi Coralie,

Yes I born Orthodox glad to meet another person.

I have Orthodox church not to far like 30 minute away. I go when I can. I have not got involved besides go to service. I should talk to priest I just never really thought. Yes would be easier if they spoke Ukrainian.

Thank you for love and prayers.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Just wanting to send you a hug and ask if you'd had a chance to contact Harmony? Just thinking of you...

 

[Coralie]

I'm also thinking of you Lidija. I'm so glad you are able to go to church sometimes! Maybe it would be good to talk to your priest when you feel the time is right.

Lots of love to you.

 

[HopefulLidija]

I go to church today and talk priest about my problem. He give me number for women group at church and said he talk to them about how to help. He think they can help me get some idea to get out of industry. They meet tuesday morning so I go to next meeting.

Work have been stressing me. I get offer to dance in the new york city for club in time square. I likely turn down it just temp some because of money. I want get out not get more involved in dancing. Weekend tough at the club I have difficult costumer that being really aggressive with me. I scared and uncomfortable all rest of work from it.

Hope you have good weekend.

 

[BlondieLashes]

Lidija- Great that you got a chance to talk to your priest! I am really hopeful that they may come up with some good ideas to help you! It takes courage to reach out and I am so glad you did!

Hmmmm...yeah the thing in time square would probably just get you more involved as you suspect. I am glad that you are focused on getting out not getting more involved.

Sorry about the aggressive customer. I remember how hard that was to deal with those types. It's so not healthy to have to deal with that on a regular basis. I hope you are feeling better!!!!!!!

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing!!!

 

[HopefulLidija]

I meet with women group today. I so nervous going i have no liking for speaking about myself in public. They make comfortable for me so it easier. We get plan together to try get me job and if I have move place to stay. They so nice I really happy about because I scared at first. They understand and not judge me it seem.

If I go Time square I know get me worse off. I talk with people from there and they only compliment my look and never mention personality. I ask several question they never answer. I think they think I stupid and just take job no question ask. I rather leave industry.

I better from customer just scare me. He grab me hard few time and it bring back feeling of that from past. I better now.

Hope you are doing well to!

 

[BlondieLashes]

I am so glad you went to the women's group today! Awesome! I am so glad that they made you feel comfortable and not judged! It would be great if they could help you find other work...and a place to stay if you need it!

I am so glad you see through the time square job! It's all about money and how much they can make from you. I am so glad you would rather leave the industry!!!

I am glad you are doing better. I so relate to being grabbed hard and having it trigger old feelings....Just another reason to be out of the industry and doing something that you feel good about!

Keep us posted to how you are okay?

 

[Coralie]

Lidija!!! I am SO HAPPY for you that you went to the women's group! This is wonderful news. I hope you can go again, and that they can help you in whatever way you need. It's so good to have friends supporting you, just someone to talk to.

I'm still praying for you & especially for your safety in the club. Being scared like that is horrible.

 

[HopefulLidija]

Sorry not post in while. Little down these day. One bad day after another it seem at club. I usual get depression this time of year all my life. Seem worse though since start stripping. Hope get better when weather nice.

I may get new job soon. I talk with people at group I go to and they have interview for me with few jobs. I go after holiday to 3 different interview. I hope to get one job to like me. I not sure if they will english not as good as need to be has me afraid they won't like me.

Hope you all have good easter!

 

[BlondieLashes]

Lidija! Happy Easter to you too! I am sad to hear you are feeling depressed. I can imagine that stripping makes it harder. It's hard to keep a positive focus in the industry.

Good for you that you have three upcoming interviews! I will be praying for you. I love accents and maybe someone you apply with will too! You never know!

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing!

 

[HopefulLidija]

Hope you have good Easter Court! I feel sad because alone. I hate not know anyone feel trap sometime. Nothing for me in Ukraine but no future here either. When stripping I feel so sad yet nothing same time. One day get happy maybe. So many guys just on me at club. Touching, grabbing, saying thing I not want hear. I hurt so much still from kevin leave me.

I am encourage by having interview tomorrow. My stomach hurt I feel pressure to do well so much. Thank you for pray for me. Hope people love accents to. It would give much happiness if I get job. I want be able to respect myself again. I lose lot since start stripping.

How are you?

 

[BlondieLashes]

I am so sorry you were alone on Easter Lidija. I totally understand what you are saying about feeling trapped. I will pray for your interview! Really, really hope it goes well!